The Off Track
by Aoi Umi Opallene
Summary: A camping roadtrip in middle America sounds like an exciting romantic getaway to Shuichi Shindou. Where DOES that boy get such misguided ideas? Don't ask Yuki...he's wondering the same thing. [COMPLETE]
1. Sour and Sweet

The Off Track

By Aoi Umi

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Author's Notes: Hello! This is my first Gravi fic, and also my first chaptered fic. I will admit that I have not yet seen the entire Gravitation anime series – only the first three episodes and the OVAs. (Yeah, like a loser I am waiting for the licensed DVDs, even though I have access to the fansubs. -.-;;) I _have _read all of the manga published so far in English, though (6 volumes at the time of this writing).

Warning: This fanfic contains swearing and suggestive language. I really don't believe that one can get _around_ these things while writing Gravitation fanfiction. n.n; I couldn't very well rate this R, and I will try not to stray too far into that territory. There will have to be sex eventually, of course, but nothing graphic.

Disclaimer: I have not, do not, and will not own Gravitation or its characters. That honor belongs to Gravitation's creator, the talented and brilliant Murakami-sama. For the title of this fic, I give credit to my friend, "Miaka-chan." n.n;

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Chapter 1: "Sour and Sweet"

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Why the hell did I agree to do this?_

Those were the thoughts of (incognito) novelist Yuki Eiri as he tried to further consolidate his stuff into his limited personal space in the seat of a commercial airplane bound for America.

_Riding a plane alone is unpleasant, but at least I am used to it. With him, however..._

From behind his sunglasses, the man risked a casual glance at his companion, an embarrassingly genki, bouncy thing that wouldn't shut up.

_You'd think he's never been on an airplane before._

"Look, Yuki! Little bags for throwing up in! I'm gonna try it, haha!"

Yuki internally groaned as he attempted futilely to become more invisible than he already was. _Maybe he hasn't..._

As a lady walked by with a cart, he handed over some cash and grabbed a package of candy, and without even looking at what it was, dropped it into the lap of his companion in the hopes of quieting him a little. Or of at least distracting his thoughts from intentionally vomiting.

..._Damn. All you did was give him something to be put in his stomach and then regurgitated._ He closed his eyes in frustration. _Maybe he was joking. He can't be that stupid, the idiot._

"The idiot"'s eyes lit up in happiness. It was always easy to discern Shuichi's moods, even behind his sunglasses. "Thank yooou, Yuki! You're so sweet!" In addition to Shuichi's excited words of gratitude, Yuki was properly thanked with a soft pink nuzzle in the shoulder.

It was amazing how happy something simple like a bag of sugar from an airline cart could make that boy. Yuki felt a very slight pang of shame that his motives had been selfish and anything but sweet. He quickly got over it, though, and gently but firmly pushed the mop of fluffy pink hair back into the seat where it belonged. "Remember how you agreed not to draw too much attention to 'us'?" he hissed into Shuichi's ear, which was somewhere behind all that hair. Not that he really cared so much anymore...but, at least on this tightly packed airplane, the subtle funny looks he could really do without for awhile.

Shuichi gave a faint nod, but was really more interested in the candy itself now. He struggled a bit with its American title. "Sao…waa…Suki…taru…zu." It really didn't make sense at all. He frowned, but decided it didn't really matter because after all it was _candy_, and a gift from Yuki at that, as he tore open the bag and popped a few in his mouth.

Immediately his eyes became huge and filled with tears. "Uwaaaii!! Ith's sthouwaa!" he whined as he clung to Yuki's arm. He stuck out his tongue to remove the offending sourness from his mouth, and sniffled pitifully.

Yuki took one and popped it into his own mouth as he reached into the bag at his feet and pulled out a bottle of water to appease the pink turtle clamping onto his arm. "What are you talking about, stupid? It's sweet."

"Tha'ss because I alrea'y licked th' sthouwaa off," whimpered Shuichi-kame.

Yuki cringed a little. Somehow that was still slightly disgusting, despite the fact that he had had his tongue in this guy's throat and worse before.

He decided to humor Shuichi and pity him a little. After all, the boy's exaggeratedly large eyes were pretty pathetic-looking. Maybe he would shut up if given the attention he was craving. He patted him on the head and told him to be a good little boy and go eat his candy.

Shuichi eyed the bag of candy apprehensively, but after eating another piece, decided he _liked_ the flavor once he had gotten over the initial shock.

The novelist, satisfied, returned to his work. His laptop hummed as he tapped the keys…rather slowly, actually. Although he would never admit it, Shu-chan's obnoxiousness had actually been a rather welcome respite from his bout of writer's block. He was having one of his worst cases of it ever. He hated this story. He really did.

"Shu-chan" meanwhile occupied himself with the candy and a pair of headphones that was playing American Top 40 hits. He decided with conviction that his band, Bad Luck, was definitely better than anything he was hearing, even though he couldn't understand too many of the lyrics.

There was something about the airplane experience that made Shuichi feel very young and excited. _I'm flying with Yuki!_, he thought to himself as he closed his eyes and cutely clasped a hand to his blushing cheek. He pretended to fall asleep on his lover's arm as he swallowed a last delectable _Saowaa__ Sukitaruzu_. Everything was right in the world…

Yuki, sensing that Shuichi's being asleep was clearly a lame act, was about to firmly push the boy back into his own seat and reclaim his rightful space. But when he saw the grip of Shuichi's other hand involuntarily loosen on the half-eaten package of candy, he felt his mouth threaten to twist itself into a faint smile, and decided not to bother pushing Shu away. Good thing he didn't have the energy to smile after all, though, in case Shuichi really _had_ gotten better at feigning sleep, and was actually waiting to catch him off-guard or something. _I can't let him think I'm enjoying this stupid trip...which I am not,_ he thought as he shut his laptop and then his own beautiful golden eyes.

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"Yuki Yuki Yuki! Guess what?" Shindou Shuichi burst through the front door, forgetting the custom return greeting completely.

Yuki, working on a novel and a cigarette and not taking his bored eyes off the computer screen, shrugged. "You're finally getting that sex change we discussed?"

Shuichi lowered his eyelids and retorted, "Yeah right, that's SO funny," while he couldn't help half-wondering, _When__ was this?? Did I say something when I was drunk?_

He truly was happy that his Yuki-chan was being sarcastic and toying with him instead of ignoring him completely, though. This was a sign that he was in a good mood. Well, a better-than-bad mood, at least. So analyzing this situation, he decided it was safe enough to let out the entire cause for his excitement without leaving Yuki in suspense. Not that he could have held it in much longer anyway. "They've given me a week off at work! Aaand…I've gotten us plane tickets for a vacation!" He struck a tall pose and held them up proudly. "We're going to America! And we're going to rent a car and see the mountains and plains and forests and other pretty stuff, and sleep outside, and do that thing where you sit for hours in a boat and try to get fish to eat worms, and we're gonna _relax_ and have _fun!_"

Yuki didn't so much as turn around for an entire 30 seconds. Shuichi didn't move a muscle either, but just continued grinning expectantly.

Because his eyes were closed so happily, Shuichi didn't notice when Yuki finally did break the tension by turning to face him, very slowly, his eyes incredibly, eerily narrow.

"It doesn't even matter if I ask where the _hell_ you got an idiotic idea like that, because I don't need to know." Eiri's voice was calm, but in that sickeningly patronizing way that Shuichi always hated.

Shuichi blinked, but refused to let Yuki's harshness faze him. "But, Yuki! Why not? I have a week off work, and I know you just finished something for a deadline, and, and, it seems so perfect! If we leave Japan, we don't even have to disguise –"

"Idiot!" Yuki's voice was gradually becoming louder. "You think people like me don't have _more_ deadlines to worry about? Perpetually? We can't just go prancing off to the fucking forests and plains of America at the last minute!"

"But, it's still a couple of days until we leave!" protested a defiant Shuichi. "We still have time to pack and stuff, and if you have to, you can take your work with you…" He trailed off. He was determined not to cry. Oh, how he felt like it. But this time he had to be strong, or Yuki would never take him seriously. And he really was serious about this vacation. After the guys at N-G had worked his ass off day and night for weeks to finish his first music video and his new single, he deserved this week with Yuki!

His voice regained its volume. "I thought you would be happy! We can both get away from everything for awhile! It seems like I haven't seen you in so long, and I only wanted to spend some time with just the two of us…" Goddammit, the tears were coming anyway.

Yuki coolly drew a breath from his cigarette and exhaled a snowy wisp of smoke. Come to think of it, the brat hadn't been home for more than a few hours the past couple of nights. "Look, if you're wanting to fuck me or something, go ahead, I'm free tonight, and I'm up for it." He turned off the computer, got up, and walked toward the kitchen with his empty coffee mug, intentionally not looking in Shuichi's direction.

Shuichi was shocked and more than just a little hurt. That wasn't what he'd meant. "Yuki…" he began, very softly.

"Mm? Did you say something?" Yuki turned around and waited.

Some stray strands of pink hair brushed against the young man's face and clung to its sparkling wetness as he slowly shook his head.

Yuki, who had momentarily paused en route to the coffee maker, now turned and continued in its direction.

He stood strongly in that moment, but as soon as his cold, insensitive boyfriend was out of sight, Shuichi hurried off in the other direction to find a place where he could cry to himself freely without shame. He ended up in his own bedroom – which was really just a place to put all of his stuff, since he always actually slept in Yuki's cozy King. He allowed himself and his tears to fall onto the unused cot. He sniffled pitifully.

_I really am an idiot if I thought Yuki would be happy to go on vacation with me. Of course he has work to do. Of course he thinks every word out of my mouth is stupid._ He hugged a pillow tightly as he curled on his side into a fetal position._ I wish that just once he would do something to make me happy...sex is nice, but it doesn't count. _No matter how much he hugged, the pillow offered little comfort. _He won't do anything with me unless I ask him. And even then, he always hates my ideas and refuses to have any fun. Am I really that annoying to be around? _

He lay that way quietly for a few minutes. He was running out of tears, but still didn't feel any better. He flopped over and allowed his sleep-deprived visage to face the ceiling. In his hollow eyes shone the pale reflection of a far-off star. "Yuki...do you love me?"

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Meanwhile, Yuki Eiri leaned against the kitchen counter, sipping his coffee. He didn't plan to stay up working tonight and really didn't need the caffeine, but to him, drinking coffee was nearly as habitual as smoking.

_I wonder what I said now. That boy is way too sensitive._

Through the window, he watched the clouds that were rolling in, obstructing the glittering stars above. Soon, none of them would be visible at all.

_If this is because I won't go on that vacation...Damn, he knows that is completely stupid and impractical, doesn't he? You don't just fly from __Japan__ into the middle of __America__ with nothing but a fucking tent. Idiot. He never thinks things through._

Eiri looked at the coffee in distaste. He decided to get a beer instead, and switched on the television in the other room. He flipped through the channels and became annoyed that he couldn't find anything worth watching. He settled on an inane game show, but it really didn't matter because he was looking through the TV anyway.

Much to his frustration, he couldn't get the image of his boyfriend's crying face out of his mind. That boy cried a lot, in joy and in sorrow – in fact, he was an emotional roller coaster and more difficult to handle than many of the women he'd dated – but that hurt look from ten minutes ago just lingered somehow in Yuki's mind, and wouldn't leave.

_What am I supposed to do about it? It's his own damn fault for being that way. He sets himself up for disappointment all the time. What does he expect from me, anyway?_

A jewelry commercial came on the television screen. In it, a man brought flowers and the advertised jewelry to his wife, and within seconds the two were making out in the sunset on a Caribbean beach.

_That is corny as hell, even if they _are_ only working in a 30-second time allotment. Even my novels are not that bad._

The commercial switched to one about some sort of cheese-flavored breakfast cereal, whose fake smiling actors would have warranted a lot of criticism had Eiri continued critiquing. But the fair-haired romance novelist had tuned it out and returned to his own thoughts.

_Well, he acts so much like a chick sometimes. I guess he probably thinks like one, too? Does he want me to do stupid shit like bringing him presents and flowers all the time? Forget that. _

Now the inane winners of the inane game show were hugging each other and celebrating their grand prize – an all-expenses paid vacation to Hawaii, in addition to a new car filled with a year's supply of…dog food?

_That's probably not it, anyway. He keeps saying he only wants to be with me – and I've given him that, haven't I? He's with me almost every single night. I give him more of my time than I give any other person...what the hell is his problem?_

He got up to draw the curtains closed. At the window, his gaze lingered for a moment on the cloudy sky.

_...What if I went on this stupid vacation? I'm sure he'd like that, but why should I do that for him? _"Just because he's crying? He always cries. There's nothing I can do about that." _And who cares?_

A different, irritating voice inside of him said without words: _You do. You prefer to see him smile._

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_Oh yeah._ Yuki sighed. _That's why. Dammit._ And he fell asleep.

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	2. Airport Fun

The Off Track

By Aoi Umi

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Author's Notes: Well, here is the second chapter. A lot of it might be considered fluff, but writing cute Yuki-Shuichi dialogue is fun, dammit! ;) To the reviewer who wanted to know if I lived in England: Nope. I've always lived in the good old (er – young?) U.S. of A. I'm a Midwestern gal, in fact, and you can see how I chose a setting I am somewhat familiar with for this fic (well, more so in the next chapter). Have no fear, though – this will most definitely NOT become a Mary-Sue-type-fic-thing.

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Chapter 2: "Airport Fun" _or_ "At Least One of Us Speaks English"

That boy would not stop _humming._ Yuki Eiri wondered just what was so great about being in an airport that would make a person happy enough to hum. He was about to so comment aloud, but lost the chance when Shuichi stopped, looked up at him, and asked, "Ne, Yuki? What time is it now?"

He checked his watch. "Here, it's 2:22 PM." At this point he decided it would be wise to actually adjust the watch accordingly, rather than continuing to compensate mentally for the switch in time zones. Actually, he should have done this about five "What time is it now?"s ago. Better yet, he should have gone out and bought Shuichi his own watch. He would have had time for it. Hell, he probably would have had time to catch another flight back to Japan and grab the watch that idiot Shuichi had forgotten at home. Waiting for a delayed flight, to put it bluntly, really, really sucked.

Shuichi sighed. "I'm hungry," he whined.

"I know. So am I. We established this forty minutes ago, remember?"

"But..."

"But what?"

"There's a vending machine over there." Shuichi pointed meekly.

Yuki was growing impatient. "I think we established _that_ about thirty-nine minutes ago."

"Well, if we crawl around on the floor, maybe we'll find some change..."

Yuki raised an eyebrow and stared. He booted Shuichi to the ground and said, "Go ahead. Maybe you'll find enough to pay me back for all the money you wasted in that stupid arcade."

"Ow..." Shuichi rubbed his nose, which had made contact with the floor. Luckily Eiri hadn't kicked him too hard. Shuichi probably would have been mad himself if someone had used his—well, $12 American, however much that was—to try unsuccessfully to get a cheap stuffed animal out of a crane game. But that cute little plush alligator with the golden eyes had reminded him so much of his Yuki. Except that it probably wouldn't have kicked him.

From the floor, Shuichi began sniggering smugly. Yuki was tempted to put aside the section of newspaper he'd already read three times and to glance (or rather, to glare) at what was so funny, but decided not to let Shuichi have the satisfaction, whatever it was.

_Just let him make a fool of himself. I'm beyond caring._

"Look at what I found!" Shuichi announced mockingly. But to his dismay, this did not rile the object of his teasing at all.

_Three...Two...One..._ RRRIP

Yuki now held half a newspaper in each hand, and was nearly nose-to-nose with this person of questionable sanity, high capacity for annoyance, and growing predictability...who unfortunately happened to be his boyfriend. The only thing between them was a glimmering coin in the aforementioned's hand.

"Your breath smells bad," Yuki commented, narrow-eyed. "Why don't you go buy some chewing gum or breath mints with that?"

Shuichi drew back and hugged the coin protectively, eyes wide, as if Yuki had said something completely and utterly blasphemous. "What?! I am most certainly going to buy _food_ with this!" And with that he zipped off toward the vending machine to carry out this intention.

_There he goes. He's going to be disappointed again. But he deserves it, the idiot._

Yuki pretended to become interested again in the newspaper. Well, the left half of it, at least. Far-off cries of frustration, accompanied by thumps that sounded suspiciously like a foot making contact with a hollow box of glass and plastic, told him that Shuichi had figured out that the quarter he had found had not been enough to purchase any food at all from the machine. Now it was his turn to smirk a little.

He really thought that Shuichi would take it all a bit more dramatically, though. He was surprised when the boy slumped defeatedly into the chair at his left and leaned into his side. Perhaps he was too hungry to put up much more of a fight. Still, this was unusual for the spunky singer who always wanted his way. Shuichi didn't even care that Yuki saw when he drew a new 5-pack of gum from his pocket and pulled out a stick between his teeth. He munched slowly, just staring vacantly at the wall ahead.

Much to his aggravation, this bothered Yuki. Not in a typical annoyed sort of way, but in a different, sad sort of way. Before, it had been easy enough to remove an unfavorable Shuichi from his presence by telling him to go away. But now, in this moment...he almost thought he would prefer to keep Shuichi just where he was...only happy instead. So long as it was a tolerable happiness, of course. Of the cute kind, not of the loud and annoying kind.

He came to his senses and internally reprimanded himself. _What is this shit?_, he wondered. _Have I lost my mind?_

For a romance novelist, this guy really didn't understand a whole lot about romance sometimes.

He actually needn't have worried at all, as a light snoring breath was soon felt in his side. A fleeting impulse wanted for him to move his arm and place it around that angelic-looking frame, but he resisted. Instead, he stubbornly glanced again at his watch. It had only been eight minutes since Shuichi had last asked for the time. This was going to be a long afternoon.

"Mmmm...you taste really good, Yuki."

"Shuichi."

"Mm? Yeah...sure I'll...lick you again..."

"Shuichi!"

"There?"

"Wake UP, Shuichi!"

When Shuichi opened his eyes, he was greeted with an irritated warning glare.

"Mouuu...you're no...fun, Yuki," mumbled the sleepy singer as he let out a yawn and rubbed his cobalt eyes.

"It's time for our flight, idiot. Come on."

Shuichi, still not fully awake, apparently made the decision that he would do no such thing. The blond man literally had to grab his boyfriend's arms and drag him from the chair. He nearly dropped him, though, when he recoiled from a surprise lick on the hand.

Of course, the licker had completely forgotten that there had been chewing gum in his mouth, and the lickee now had it between his fingers.

The unfortunate victim in this odd situation twinged slightly in disgust, and decided the best thing to do with it would be to return it to its source. Albeit, not Shuichi's mouth, but the front of his shirt.

Fifteen minutes later, Shuichi was awake and the two were boarding their flight. Apparently Shuichi hadn't remembered the incident or noticed the gum yet. To tell the truth, Yuki almost regretted having wiped it on Shuichi's shirt, because now he was being seen with a companion who looked even more like an oblivious moron than before.

"Oh, you know what, Yuki? I'm so happy! I just remembered that I still have half a bag of this candy." He pulled the bag of _Saowaa__ Sukitaruzu_ from his pack. "My dream reminded me. I had a dream that you were covered in this sour sugar stuff. You tasted funny, but really, really good." He blushed a little.

Yuki blushed slightly more. Only it was more out of anger, because they happened to be within earshot of about fifty people, and at the moment Shuichi had spoken they had just been parting company with a steward who had shown them to their seats. "You don't say?" he mumbled through a frustrated fake grin as they sat down.

Silence.

"Well, do you want some?"

Yuki choked. "_Here??_" he hissed.

"Yah, why not?" Shuichi innocently offered the bag of candy. Then it occurred to him. "Ooohhhhh...Yuki thought I meant something _else!_ Hahaha!" He pinched Yuki's cheek and looked at him slyly. "Stupid Yuki!" It felt good to say that. He liked it when Yuki slipped up and said something stupid for a change. Such an occasion was relatively rare, so Shuichi was determined to make the most of it. "Stupid Yuki, stupid Yuki, stuuu-pid!" he chanted.

The newly-branded "stupid" Yuki kept his cool, which he was very good at. _Thank god most of these people probably don't speak Japanese,_ he reminded himself. _But that means...they wouldn't have understood...what Shuichi said a minute ago anyway..._ He brought his hand to his temple in frustration. _Shit...I need sleep._

"...Stuipd!...Hey! Is this gum? How did this get on my shirt?"

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"Wow Yuki, you have a bank account in America?" Shuichi was fascinated with the American bills that Yuki had just withdrawn from the ATM.

"Of course. I knew you weren't going to prepare for this stupid trip, so someone had to. Idiot."

The blush on his pouty face nicely complemented the color of his hair; however, Shuichi _was_ a little embarrassed to admit to himself that he really _hadn't_ considered what he would do about money in a foreign country.

'The Responsible One' handed over a Ten to his ridiculously stupid younger companion. "You are seriously going to owe me by the time this trip is over."

"Mou! You're the one who's rich, Yuki-_sensei_."

"You aren't making too shabby of a career for yourself now either. But if you prefer, I'm sure we can work out _some_ other arrangement later..." he grinned rather sinisterly.

Shuichi pretended to be threatened...but in all honesty, he couldn't think of much that Yuki could do to him that he wouldn't thoroughly _enjoy._ "Hee hee."

"Hmn? Speak up if you've got something to say."

"I said, 'Let's go eat, honey!'" The hyper 19-year-old giggled, briefly pecked and locked arms with his lover, and happily dragged him over to the airport's McDonald's. Which really was a top candidate for World's Least Romantic Restaurant, but if love is blind, hunger is blinder.

Shuichi gaped in disbelief. "Uwaa! Yuki, this entire menu is in English!"

"No shit. We're in the middle of America, dumbass."

"Oh...yeah. Will you read the menu to me...please, Yuki?"

"This is McDonald's. They all have the same crap. Just pick something. And please stop clinging to my arm."

Yuki ordered for himself, and then went to find a place to sit down, which proved to be a difficult endeavor. The tables that weren't occupied by people were piled with assorted paper bags, empty cups, straw wrappers, and even spilled ketchup packets. It couldn't be blamed solely on sloppy Americans; sadly, this was a typical McDonald's atmosphere. Yuki was almost surprised to see so many people eating here so late in the evening. But then, an airport never sleeps.

Meanwhile, ordering in English proved to be an even more difficult endeavor for Shuichi. He squinted at the menu. While he could decipher some of the letters, he could rarely understand their meanings. So he decided that the best thing to do would be to take Yuki's advice and assume that the McDonald's menu was universal.

"Teriyaki McBurger, kuda—...ano...p-pleasu." He knew he sounded like an idiot. Why wouldn't Yuki just help him?

"Huh? I'm sorry sir; I don't think we serve that item on our menu. Um, hold on..." the cashier turned around and laid a hand on a co-worker's shoulder. "Sheryl, do we serve Teriyaki McBurgers here?"

"I don't think so. I've never heard of it." Sheryl turned back to the order she was bagging.

"Yeah, sorry, you'll have to order something else, sir," the cashier told Shuichi.

"Ano..."

_What the hell is taking him so long?,_ grumbled Yuki, already halfway through his burger. He glanced up at the counter. It appeared that Shuichi was frantically pointing to a picture of something on the menu. Several times he shook his head rapidly when the cashier guessed incorrectly at which picture he was pointing to. Yuki sighed.

"Chigau, chigau! Are ja naku--Kocchi--Eeto -- 'Zzi-This.' —Eh ?" Shuichi was interrupted when a familiar hand was placed upon the counter in front of him. Leaning on it was none other than Yuki, to the rescue.

Yuki shot him an annoyed glare. To the cashier, he said, "Just give him two Cheeseburger Happy Meals, please. And a large..." He decided that caffeine was something Shuichi really didn't need. Ever. "...Sprite."

The cashier nodded, relieved, and punched the order into the computer. He collected the money from the one who thankfully spoke English.

"You're such a fool sometimes," Yuki criticized, munching on a french fry that was now distastefully cold.

"I _told_ you I don't understand much English. You knew that and you still wouldn't help me until _after_ I made a fool of myself, you asshole," Shuichi fumed. He took a large bite of a Jr. Cheeseburger.

"You should have paid attention in school. Or don't they still teach English in high school?"

Shuichi didn't answer. He was determined to remain pissed off at Yuki for letting him look so stupid. Try as he might, however, the mood didn't last long. Soon his sulking glare subsided and a slight smile spread around a salty fry hanging from his lips.

"What is that grin for, moron? What, do those Happy Meal things literally work?"

"Mm-hmm," Shuichi nodded. "Mthey hambve ma-ical mpowers." He chewed and swallowed. "Actually, a minute ago you said I'm a fool sometimes. Usually you say I'm always one. You're so sweet, Yuki. I can't stay mad at you. Hee hee." He closed his eyes happily and directed one of the sweetest teasing grins ever at his man.

Yuki was caught by surprise. "Hey...stop. Stop trying to look cute. It...isn't working." He grabbed a fry from Shuichi's bag and shoved it up his little nose. That would put a stop to that.

It actually achieved the opposite of the desired effect. The idiot just placed a matching fry in his other nostril and grinned even more widely.

Yuki glared, but inside he really wasn't angry with Shuichi at all. Only with himself for letting such a stupid thing get to him. _Damn him. Only Shuichi could look so cute while looking like such a complete retard._

"Ne, look, Yuki."

Yuki cringed a little at the nasally sound of Shuichi's voice. _That_ wasn't quite so cute. "Hm?"

"I got these little stuffed toys with the Happy Meals. This wolf, see?" He waved it in front of Yuki's face. "It reminds me of you. See his yellow eyes? He's so strong, but he looks lonely. Don't worry, I'll take care of Ookami-san." He cuddled the small toy to his face. "And you should take this one." He placed a light-pink puppy on the empty burger wrapper in front of Yuki. "Isn't he cute?"

Yuki blinked. He hardly looked at the toy; instead, his gaze became distant and a rare smile somehow found its way to his face. A gentle hand extended across the table, maneuvered around the brat's Happy Meal garbage, and ruffled his pink hair. "Sure. Sure he is..."

Shuichi giggled.

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Notes: 

General: Assume that Shuichi and Yuki are speaking Japanese when talking between themselves.

If you haven't figured it out, the _Saowaa__ Sukitaruzu_ are Sour Skittles. That's just Shuichi's Japanese pronunciation of the candy's title.

The Teriyaki McBurger is an actual popular Japanese menu item not found in the United States (as far as I know, at least – if you know where to get one over here, let me know, hehe!). Yeah, I actually did a little research for writing about McDonald's. n.n;; I just had to be evil and make poor Shuichi embarrass himself by picking something that _wasn't_ on the American menu. Hehehe. :D

Ookami wolf

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	3. The Open Road

The Off Track

By Aoi Umi

Author's Notes: Yippee, it's Chapter 3. :B This one is a bit longer than the first two. But if I said the last chapter contained fluff, this one is probably worse. Don't worry; I promise there will be more of a plot...eventually. n.n;;

Disclaimer: I didn't write the song used in this chapter. It is "Doin' Fine" from Jewel (Kilcher)'s CD _0304._

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Chapter 3: "The Open Road"

Wow, the sky is so blue! And it's so open! I can't see a single building!" These were words that would come to nearly anyone upon first seeing the plains of Midwestern America. And then that would be it. For anyone but Shuichi.

Shuichi craned his neck back and forth to take in as much as he could of – well, what most people would call a whole lot of nothing. Somehow, Shuichi had managed to be impressed for an entire hour already. "There really is a lot of corn and stuff here! Ne, Yuki, do you think we'll see a cow?"

"Probably," grunted Yuki in response. It was actually rather amazing that they had gone a whole hour without seeing one. But Yuki was paying attention to the road, and Shuichi had probably been unable to settle his gaze anywhere long enough to spot one.

"I think I like America, don't you?"

Yuki shrugged. This area of America was so different from the area in which he had lived several years ago. Midwestern America and New York City may as well have been different countries. One smelled of smog and the other of farm animals. Well, not in that respective order. Farm implements were widespread and didn't collectively produce enough pollution to create smog, and while people in NYC generally lived like sardines, they showered often enough to dispel any odor as rancorous as a pig's. Still...this area was admittedly more aesthetically pleasing. But once you've seen a glimpse of it, you've seen all of it, really.

Neither of them spoke for a moment. Out of the corner of his eye, Yuki noticed a genuinely excited grin plastered across his young lover's face. He didn't understand…the reason for Shuichi's natural penchant for happiness always completely eluded the jaded novelist. While such an unrealistically resilient positive attitude should have been aggravating to anyone as cynical as himself, for some reason…it wasn't. Not right now, at least. Although he continued to stare expressionlessly at the road in front of him, inside he felt a sweet, irrational contentment – much to his displeasure.

_Damn that Shuichi. It must be him, because I sure as hell am not happy about this fucking ugly car I'm driving..._

He remembered how Shuichi had fallen in love with the sparkly lavender convertible at the car rental place. WHY, dear lord, had he given in so easily? It must have been that goddamn happy smile. Lately, for some reason, Yuki had been unable to take away anything that made his boyfriend smile like that.

"Ne, Yuki, where are we going?"

"Hm?" Yuki was brought back to reality. "I don't know. North."

"Well, you're the one driving."

"This is your stupid vacation, remember? You tell me where we're going."

"Uh…how about there?" he pointed to a sign for one of those roadside oddity stops. This one claimed to house a live four-headed rat (whose lovely photograph adorned the sign) as well as a functional footbridge composed entirely of rubber bands and paper clips.

Yuki squinted his eyes in disgust. This was something for which he most definitely had no qualms about saying "no." And so he did, vehemently.

"Aww, Yuki, you're no fun."

"If that is how you define 'fun,' good luck finding _anyone_ who is fun, kid."

Shuichi thought for a moment. "I bet Sakuma-san would think it's fun."

"Then you should have dragged _his_ ass halfway around the world to pay good money to look at deformed vermin, instead of mine."

Shuichi pouted. "Yukiii...You know that yours is the only one I love enough for that." He winked.

Yuki lowered his eyes and curled his lip in repulse. "Oh, pardon me; I guess I should be flattered."

"Yup!"

Shuichi rolled down the window and felt the clean, enticing wind on his face. It smelled wonderful compared to the air in Tokyo. He couldn't resist – he had to stick his head out there.

As he was met with the unexpected force, he stiffened his neck and clamped his eyes shut tightly. This was something he had never experienced in all of his nineteen years. And it felt great!

When he finally returned to his seat and sat back grinning, the first thing he was greeted with was…laughter? Okay, it was more like sniggering, but was Shuichi hearing what he thought he was hearing? Yuki was laughing! Shuichi's smile was replaced by a gape of awe as he stared. He leaned over to examine this man who couldn't be his Yuki. As he did so, he caught sight of himself in the rearview mirror.

"Eep!" Was that himself? On his head was a veritable tornado of pink that bore little resemblance to his normally shiny, pretty hair. He pouted in embarrassment as he scrambled to flatten it with his hands. He reached down to dig for a comb in the bag at his feet. In the process, he accidentally bumped the button to fold down the car's top.

Immediately, his hair was again subjected to the swirling 60-mph wind, but Shuichi grinned as he decided that resistance was going to be futile. Surrendering would be fun. Now Yuki would get a new hairdo, too, whether he liked it or not. "Hee hee."

A song came on the radio and Shuichi broke out into laughter. He laughed at himself, at his lover, at the wind and at the car, at the cows he was now glimpsing, and at everything. Nothing could bring him down right now.

_ We are what everyone wants to be_

_ We are young_

_ And carefree_

_ Life's a breeze for people like you and me_

Now the top of the convertible was all the way down. The wind was not as welcome in Yuki's face as it was in Shuichi's. Keeping his eyes open to see the road proved difficult, and he fumbled for the convertible top button. He had nearly located it, but before he could push it, a smaller hand clasped his wrist and held it back. The hand's owner stared imploringly up at him…then grinned and reached up to teasingly run his hands through the sandy yellow hair that was already whipping furiously in the wind.

_ If you look_

_ Life lays out just like a road_

Shuichi fell back into his seat and then leaned forward, supported by his hands, which were gripping the edge of the seat between his knees. He couldn't see a thing, but just absorbing the warm sunshine and inhaling the sweet, fresh air was enough. It didn't matter that the wild wind was in actuality an illusion created because he was sitting in a moving vehicle. Leaning into it like this, he felt dangerous, like he was defying the will of the very elements by opposing it.

_ It's for us to grab ahold_

_ There's no one that can tell us no_

In fact, now he was feeling downright mischievous. He put on a fake shy face and tapped Yuki on the shoulder. Yuki turned and looked, but Shuichi's "cute" face failed to get a smile out of him. All he got was a "What?"

Damn, thought Shuichi. Well, desperate times call for the most fun of all measures. He snickered to himself. Like a spring, he bounced up in the blink of an eye, threw his arms about Yuki's neck, and implemented a well-placed nip in the ear.

Yuki's eyes grew wide as a chill shot through his arms and nearly caused him to swerve off the highway. "Holy freaking SHIT, Shuichi!! I'm DRIVING! What the hell do you think you're doing??"

Shuichi, hanging on his lover's shoulder, refused to let go. "Kiss me," he demanded.

"I said, 'I'm DRIVING.'"

"I said, 'Kiss me.'"

"I. Am. Driving. As in, looking at the ROAD and not your FACE, so that I might steer this goddamn ugly car in such a way that it will not go off the road and lead to both of our deaths!"

"You're really funny, you know that? Yep, you're my Yuki alright."

"I'm serious."

"Me, too."

"Oh, that was bad, Shuichi. I hope you never write a song lyric that corny."

"I won't write any songs until you kiss me."

"See if I care. The world'll be better off that way."

"And I won't get off, either."

Yuki sighed. "Fine. If I kiss you, will you quietly sit back down and get off of me so I can drive?"

Shuichi considered this. "Hmm…I can't promise the 'quietly' part. But—" His sentence was cut off as Yuki's sweet lips met his. "—Mmmn."

Stars glittered in the young man's eyes as he released his arms from Yuki's neck in slow motion and fell back into his seat. "Eeeyaaaa!" he screamed to the wind. "I am such a lucky guy," he sighed as he sunk down into the seat and closed his eyes in contentment.

_ So come on baby_

_ Let's just have fun_

_ Let's breathe stardust into our lungs_

_ Let's drive too fast_

_ Let's go too far_

_ When our hearts bleed it lets us know we are—alive_

_ And that we are—doin' fine_

Shuichi slowly opened his eyes and gazed on his lover's face. Yuki looked so wild and beautiful and in control, driving in the golden sunlight. He could have watched the wind's interplay on that shiny flaxen hair for hours – flat then swirled, wild yet oh-so-sexily delicate – but his stomach reminded him that he was hungry. He dug around in his pile of stuff until he located a bag of American potato chips. Tearing it open, he shoved one into his mouth and then offered the bag to Yuki.

Yuki obliged, realizing that he was a little hungry. Crunching down on a thin, delectably salty chip, he had to admit that the warm sunshine was pleasant and the air felt good. He even smiled a little at Shuichi in spite of himself. What was it that was so bad about road trips, after all?

"Yuki…" Shuichi looked up at him bashfully. "Um, I have to pee."

Yuki shook his head at the irony. "Well…let me know if you see some place to stop."

Shuichi nodded and focused anxiously on the road. It didn't help that he wasn't exactly able to read the road signs. Well, he wouldn't have been able to read the signs, had there been any to read. It seemed that he and Yuki were utterly in the middle of nowhere. He whimpered.

Yuki rolled his eyes. "Why didn't you say something earlier?"

"I didn't…notice. I was too busy looking at you and…um…" his face flushed and he looked away.

An appalled yet amused little smile appeared on Yuki's face. "That was only a tiny little kiss."

"A-ah, well, um…" Shuichi twiddled his fingers in front of his chin, which was resting on his knees. "You know, I can't remember the last time we even made out…it must have been like a week ago…"

"Poor baby." Yuki offered little to no outward sympathy. Had it really been that long, though? He was going to have to do something about that. When he really got into it, that kid could be one surprisingly damn good kisser.

And...that must mean that they had gone even longer without sex. He couldn't remember the last time he had gone so long without sex. He supposed it was because they had each been so busy with work lately. Not because Shuichi had been mad at him for being a jerk or anything. And not that he really missed the sex with Shuichi all that much anyway. But still, it would be nice.

Yuki exited the highway, but unfortunately there was absolutely nothing there. He drove for a few minutes on a smaller road into a lightly forested area, then pulled over and stopped the car.

"Thanks, Yuki." Shuichi hurriedly opened the door and ran into the bushes to relieve himself.

Yuki seized the bag of chips and opened his own door. He stepped out, slammed it shut again, and leaned casually against the side of the shiny purple abomination, facing the road. Another potato chip found its way to his mouth. Damn, those things tasted good.

He reached back into the car to grab his glasses and placed them pensively on his face. While following the moving patches of light and shadow on the road with his eyes, he tried to focus his thoughts on that novel he was working on. That accursed piece of absolute bullshit. He'd never felt such enmity toward his own work before. _Maybe I should just scrap it and start over..._

WHUMP. Yuki staggered forward and nearly gagged on a potato chip. Glomping onto his back, legs wrapped around his middle, was that fantastically clingy baby animal, Shuichi. He recovered from the affectionate blow and leaned back against the car in such a way that Shuichi was now sitting upon the windowless door, but still stubbornly attached to his back.

Shuichi, his arms wrapped tightly about his lover's neck and shoulders, reached down into the bag of potato chips.

"I hope you washed your hands," said Yuki.

"That's not very funny," Shuichi mumbled, and then loudly crunched the potato chip right next to Yuki's ear.

Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. Crunch. How irritating. Yuki closed his eyes and gritted his teeth a little. "Shut up."

"Make me."

Yuki raised an eyebrow. "Okay." He turned halfway around and made like he was going to kiss Shuichi – but at the last minute, he pushed the poor, expectant boy off of him and down into the back seat of the car.

Shuichi's arms were now folded in front of him like a puppy's. He didn't move a muscle, save for the ones he used for swallowing the chip. "You're so mean to me."

Yuki didn't reply for a moment. Suddenly he leaned over into the car and roughly shoved his hands onto the seat on either side of Shuichi. His face was now inches above Shuichi's. "When have I ever been mean to you...?" he asked quietly...and rather a little dangerously. He closed his cool eyes and brought his lips to Shuichi's for real.

"Mmmnn...Yuki." Shuichi's face heated and his heart throbbed as he welcomed the familiar feeling of deep pleasure. He thought he felt Yuki's hand brushing some strands of pink hair out of his eyes, but because he was so dizzy, it was difficult to tell for sure. And the potato chip salt he was tasting could have been from either mouth. This was truly a kiss worth getting excited about.

Yuki turned his head a little and leaned in deeper at another angle. Shuichi responded passionately. Oh, what a blissful heaven enveloped the young man.

A sound met his ear. He stopped.

Yuki was annoyed. He withdrew his lips about two inches and asked, "What?"

"I think a car is coming."

"I don't care." He proceeded to lean back in again, but Shuichi stopped him.

"But...It's gonna run over your glasses."

"What??" Yuki turned around and noticed that his glasses were, indeed, lying on the pavement. "Oh, shit!" He quickly reached into the road and seized them before the car arrived.

He breathed a sigh of relief. The car sped off into the distance. Wait a minute, he thought. He couldn't even recall having put on his glasses. He shrugged and supposed it was an unconscious habit of his to wear them whenever he was thinking, particularly about work.

Shuichi sat up and gripped the door. "They fell off when I jumped on you," he offered in explanation.

"Well why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner??" Yuki snapped.

"I'm sorry," he conceded. "I...I..." His delicate hand hovered near the glasses, which were in Yuki's grip at his side. Shuichi playfully snatched them and leapt out of the vehicle. He ran into the leafy area at the side of the road.

"Hmph," said Yuki. "Don't think I'm going to chase you or something, if that's what you want." He knew that Shuichi would give up this childishness and return the glasses soon enough anyway.

"Fine, then. Just drive away, and leave me here," Shuichi pouted melodramatically. "But don't forget to kiss me goodbye first."

Yuki rolled his eyes. Why must that impudent pop-singer be so difficult? He humored him and walked over to the spot where Shuichi was standing. He crossed his arms and appeared disinterested. "So, can we get this over with, then? Where would you like to receive this goodbye kiss?"

Shuichi about-faced and pointed to his bottom. "Ri-ight-he-re!" he sang as he winked and stuck out his tongue. He ran.

Yuki sternly stalked after him with the full intention of grabbing him by the shirt collar and dragging him back into the car. His pace gradually gained speed, his walk turned to a run, and, without meaning to, he found himself in a full-blown chase.

Shuichi laughed. He continued to run for a minute and left the trees behind him as he entered a grassy area. His bare ankles brushed the dandelions as he climbed a small hill, still at a run. Yuki was gaining on him. He had an idea.

When he reached the top, he suddenly froze. The pursuer had no time to react, and his momentum carried him into his quarry. The two bodies fell to the ground and rolled over a few times down the slope on the far side of the hill.

They blinked and were dizzily greeted by fluffy clouds in a bright blue sky. This was all too much for Shuichi. He giggled as he flopped over and elbowed his way through the grass until he reached Yuki's side. Yuki turned his head in acknowledgement and said, "You are such a loser, you know that?"

He made no move to get up, however.

Shuichi just grinned and nodded happily.

_ We lay down_

_ Look at the sky_

_ From upside down_

_ There's nobody we have to be_

_ Let's live fast and see where it leads_

_-------------------- _

The summer sun shone on for hours and Shuichi's blue eyes continued to sparkle. Boredom was not an issue for him; as it was, there was quite a lot of fun to be had in riding shotgun in a cute purple convertible bound for nowhere.

He frequently found entertainment in annoying Yuki, or eating salty snacks, which led to his drinking soda, which led to a lot of bathroom breaks at gas stations, which led to the purchasing of more snacks and to Yuki's general annoyance anyway.

He was sure that Yuki was only outwardly annoyed, though. He knew him well enough to sense that the guy really was enjoying himself on some level.

Yuki turned his head expressionlessly and caught a glimpse of Shuichi's face. "Have you stopped smiling at all today?," he criticized. "You are seriously creeping me out."

"Why should I stop smiling?" said Shuichi. "I'm happy." He grinned more widely just to be irritating.

_ So come on baby_

_ Let's just have fun_

_ Let's breathe stardust into our lungs_

_ Let's drive too fast_

_ Let's go too far_

_ When our hearts bleed it lets us know we are – alive_

_ And that we are – doin' fine_

_---------------- _

"So, really, where are we going?" asked Yuki when the green and gold hills turned to orange and crimson in the waning sunlight. "I can't keep driving all night, you know."

No response.

Shuichi was curled up in the seat beside him, slumbering peacefully. Yuki wanted to be pissed off, since he had been driving all day and should be the one to deserve sleep, but he really couldn't blame Shuichi. Their sleep had been irregular in the past day and a half or so, taken mostly on flights. Last night had been spent in uncomfortable chairs in the airport, since the night was already halfway over by the time they'd finished eating.

Yuki was used to pulling days without sleep to meet deadlines, but for Shuichi, it was a different story. Without sleep, Shuichi would either lose control of his hypersensitive psycho streak, or totally O.D. on caffeine, or both.

Yes, it was sometimes best to let a sleeping Shuichi lie. Except, of course, when it was decided that he looked like he could really use some special midnight lovin'. Heh.

At any rate, Yuki supposed this meant that he had authorization to choose a place to spend the night. Damn. Not that he wanted it. He had no idea what to do.

A motel would seemingly have been easiest...but as fate would have it, the first option presented to him was a forest campground. Good, this will save a couple of bucks, and the extra effort, he thought. And I suppose Shuichi will like it anyway, he added, although this thought was secondary.

He chose and paid for a very secluded camp site in a section far removed from the highly populated RV area. He pulled in and rolled up the windows most of the way. As he was about to fold up the top, Shuichi stirred in the seat next to him.

The young man yawned. It was now dark outside and he couldn't take in his surroundings no matter how much he strained his eyes. "Yuki?"

"What?"

"Where...where are we?"

"America, remember?"

Shuichi scowled. "I'm not...that stupid."

"How about, 'All alone in the dark in a purple car parked deep in the woods overlooking a lake'?," he tried. "Would you like that?"

Shuichi liked – in fact, loved – where this was going, but he tried not to act too excited, lest Yuki should change his mind. Yuki was always at his best when he thought he was in control. "Um...maybe." Shuichi blushed, but it went unnoticed in the darkness. "I mean, yeah. I think so. Yeah. I mean..."

"Shut up." The taller man, who had been meanwhile untying his shoes, gently brushed his fingers under his boyfriend's delicate chin and brought his face up to meet him halfway.

Oh, _kami-sama._ Shuichi rolled his eyes back and closed them softly. He felt like dying then and there. With this kiss, veiled in darkness, everything he had felt burning in him earlier was returning a hundredfold. This kiss held a promise; he could feel that this was only a precursor to fabulous things yet to come.

He broke away for a breath. The two lovers breathed heavily as they stared at one another for a few seconds.

Shuichi broke the gaze and scurried into the backseat.

Yuki was off-put a little. "What...are you still mad at me?"

"Mad...?"

"...You haven't come into my room for...several nights."

"Oh. Well, you were being a jerk," he stated bluntly.

"I'm always a jerk."

"Yeah. But you came, didn't you? Even though you're still being a jerk about it. But you're my 'ultra-special, super-sexy, lovely-delicious' jerk, so I forgive you." Here, his affluent adjectives were spoken in English.

"Oh, so the only English words in your vocabulary are words that describe my ungodly sexiness, hm?" Yuki worked his way through the gap in the front seats and advanced on Shuichi. "Perhaps I can live with that." He silkily wrapped his arms around his lover and nuzzled the side of his face and neck.

Shuichi shuddered. God, this guy knew how to turn him on. "I'm not mad," he murmured. "I came back here because...there's more...roo-m—mmmmmmn..."

_ Let's get lost_

_ In love like wine_

_ Let kisses quench_

_ This thirst of mine_

"Yuki." Shuichi moaned. His toes curled in his sandaled feet. He passionately reciprocated the kiss and he felt dizzy as his body fell with a 'thwump' into the corner where the seat met the door. Again and again the two lovers locked mouths, each time more deeply than the last.

Between kisses, Shuichi glimpsed a few wispy clouds in the azure-black sky beyond the dark blur of Yuki's face. His view was obstructed, however, when the convertible top folded overhead. Yuki, without missing a beat, had reached a socked foot into the front seat and lightly kicked the button.

Shuichi took this as an encouraging sign and extended his heretofore limp arms to grapple with the top button on Yuki's shirt. As he worked his way down the row of buttons, Yuki responded by placing a large hand on the skin beneath Shuichi's T-shirt. He pushed the cloth up to Shuichi's armpits, then waited for Shuichi to finish with the buttons before proceeding to pull it over his head.

He noticed that Shuichi had not combed his hair all day long. Now there was something very sexy in that wild and primeval windblown look, which before had looked ridiculous. He fell in a little more until he was basically lying on top of his cute little partner. He ran his hand down Shuichi's bare side and didn't stop when he reached those little denim shorts.

"Yu—kiiiiiiii..."

_ Let me feel the weight of your skin_

_ Pressing in..._

* * *

A/N: Oohh, I'm so awful. I made them do it in a rental car, eww. . This kind of turned a bit more limey than I meant for it to. ...Aw, hell, who am I kidding; of course I was planning that. Tee-hee.

Another note: I don't really know much about convertibles, but I suspect it's not a good idea to let down the top in 60-mph wind. But please do pretend this isn't an issue for the sake of this fic. This is fiction, so of course it won't rip and blow off or something, right? Ha ha, I should have made that happen. LOL j/k.

I hope you are enjoying the fic! Whether you are or not, please review and let me know what you think. :3


	4. To Fish or to Buy Fish

The Off Track

By Aoi Umi

* * *

A/N: Yay! I have now seen episodes 1-6. :3 I got the second DVD for my birthday. Which is part of the reason I've been so busy lately. I've also been working on a lot of other stuff, including the summer homework assignments that I've been extremely lazy about until recently. Gomen! Don't worry; I have still been working on this fic. In fact, this chapter got so long that I decided to split it into two chapters in order to maintain some sort of length consistency. :o The next one should be up soon.

In case anyone is wondering exactly where Yuki and Shuichi are or where they're going... "It's a secret!" (I love that part at the beginning of ep. 3, haha.) Nah...actually, not really. Unless I think of a specific place that I want the characters to visit for some reason, I'm leaving their location intentionally vague. I don't know myself where they are exactly, because deciding that would be troublesome and pointless since it doesn't really matter. What matters is that Shuichi acts annoying, Yuki acts annoyed, and the two of them get to hug/kiss/touch/f--- each other every so often...right? Yup, that's this fic in a nutshell. XD

* * *

Chapter 4: "To Fish or to Buy Fish (and Other Assorted Edibles)"

Bird chirping and other forest noises abounded as a bright white ray of late-morning sunshine filtered through the clouds and the trees and fell into the backseat of a car, where what was left of it was cast upon the sleeping face of Shindou Shuichi. It must have penetrated through his closed eyes and intruded upon his dreams, for the young man's face twitched a little, and then groggily awakened.

Sort of. He groaned and closed his eyes again to hide from the intrusive waking world. He vaguely noticed the scent of Yuki and snuggled deeper into his chest. He felt very warm because of the makeshift blanket draped over him, which was really Yuki's shirt. And, of course, because Yuki himself was still holding him very close. Shuichi felt a deep contentment, like a sort of permanent ecstasy dulled over by sleepiness. Life didn't get any better than this.

He lay like that for a good twenty minutes, just breathing and snuggling as close as he could to his man. _What did I ever do to deserve this?, _he asked himself in a dreamlike state. _This is almost better than last night._ A little color came to his cheeks. _Well, almost. Sigh...I love Yuki so much. He can be as mean as he wants to me as long as we still have moments like this._

His thoughts were disrupted, however, when his stomach spoke up demandingly. At first he couldn't be sure whether it was hunger or a dull stomach ache. The last thing he had eaten had been a puffy, packaged cream cake purchased from a vending machine about 16 hours ago. So naturally, it must have been a combination of both.

But anyway, food sounded really good right now to Shuichi. He exerted his sleep-softened muscles and tried to shift his position so that he could get up. However, he found this near impossible. As he opened his eyes, he realized that he was essentially sandwiched between the back of the seat and Yuki's body.

He relaxed, fell back into his former position, and blinked. _Well, now what should I do? I don't wanna wake Yuki, and it feels really nice having his arms around me and everything, but...I want to eat! And I kind of need to go to the bathroom, too._

For several minutes, no plan of escape occurred to him. He was completely trapped. It seemed now that his only option would be to awaken Yuki and invoke his "why-the-hell-did-you-wake-me-up-it's-still-morning-and-you-kept-me-up-last-night-and-besides-I-am-on-vacation" wrath. Yuki was so much cuter and more pleasant when he was asleep. Shuichi wondered what the innermost Yuki was like, the one who personified that gentle sleeping face, who played safely in dreams that no one else could ever see.

But then he recalled the urgency of his situation and quickly forgot all about his sappy musings. He had an idea. _Maybe if I get the car door open,_ he thought,_ I can slip out that way._

He cautiously withdrew an arm from beneath Yuki's and extended it behind his head to feel around for the door handle.

Oops. His elbow had clumsily hit Yuki in the face by mistake. Now he was in for it. He should have taken the safer route while he still could and at least woken Yuki up gently with a kiss or something.

Shuichi winced as he waited for something to happen. But after involuntarily recoiling a little, Yuki's face returned to normal and kept right on sleeping. Good. That had been a close one.

He located the door handle and fumbled in an attempt to grasp it upside-down. A couple of fingers hooked beneath it and he pulled. The clasp unclicked. Then he gave one big push concentrated in his hand and the door fell open about halfway. Good thing it wasn't locked. He released a tense breath he'd been holding in.

Now came the tricky part. Figuring out how to get out of Yuki's tight embrace without Yuki noticing. He decided that freeing his other arm would be a good place to start. With much difficulty and about a minute's worth of careful maneuvering, he managed to get it behind his head, where it now joined the first arm, which was still hanging strenuously in the air.

At this point he was so uncomfortable that he really considered saying "screw Yuki's comfort" and waking him rudely with a well-placed kick. But with one look into Yuki's sleeping face, of course he couldn't bring himself to do that. He was already halfway there, anyway. He could make it.

He grabbed ahold of the door frame and pulled, intending to slip his body out of Yuki's arms. And it worked...until enough of him was off the seat for gravity to catch ahold of and fling brutally to the ground. Stupid gravity. This came unexpectedly, and on his way down, one of his bare feet accidentally caught Yuki hard in the jaw.

He froze.

That had definitely done it.

Yuki blinked. "Wha—mmm—what the...hell?" As his vision came into focus, the first thing he saw was the first thing he was looking for – the source of this painful awakening. Which was Shuichi, resting on his butt and elbows, one leg still caught in the door, looking up at him.

Silence.

"Aah, aa, sorry, Yuki! I can explain! I'm so sorry!!" Shuichi was suddenly moving frantically, shouting his awkward apology. "I was trying so hard, I really was, not to wake you, and I..." He sniffled and looked up at Yuki through remorseful puppy eyes. "...I'm sorry," he repeated more quietly.

"You...idiot..." Yuki groaned as he sat up and rubbed the spot where Shuichi's foot had struck him. "I don't even know what happened, but...whatever."

"I could kiss the spot where I hurt you, I'm really sorry, I...um...You're not...mad?"

Yuki yawned. "Just be glad you were so good last night."

Shuichi wagged his puppy tail and jumped up and hugged Yuki.

"You might want to put some clothes on. Stupid."

Shuichi blushed as he realized that he was still in his white-and-pink rabbit tessellation boxers. Yuki was at least wearing some pants.

He climbed into the car and rummaged through the backseat until he found his own pants and pulled them on. Then he put on Yuki's shirt before Yuki had a chance to reach for it. It was a little big, but Shuichi decided it looked good on him. "I wanna wear it," he declared stubbornly when Yuki asked for it.

"Fine," said Yuki. "I'd rather wear something clean anyway," he mumbled as he went around back and popped open the trunk. He dug in his suitcase and searched for something more lightweight and comfortable.

"Yuki, what do we have to eat back there? I'm really hungry."

"Hm? Eat?"

"Yeah, I'm hungry."

"We don't have any food back here, idiot."

"What?" Shuichi was visibly upset. "Why not?"

"I don't know. _You_ should plan for things like that. This is _your_ vacation."

"But why did you drive into the campsite if we didn't have any food?"

_Erk_ Shuichi had actually gotten him here. _I don't know. I forgot._ But what came out of his mouth was: "How was _I _supposed know we didn't have any food? With all that shit you were constantly eating yesterday, it sure looked like we had plenty."

That worked. Shuichi had run out of responses.

Or maybe he had just gracefully lost a petty argument, because instead, he now went into the solutions phase. Oh, lord help us. "I know! We can do the whole living off the land thing and catch our own fish for breakfast in that lake!"

Yuki stared. "I _hope_ for the love of all things sane that you are joking." But there was nothing in Shuichi's eyes to indicate that this was so. All Yuki saw was that accursed, familiar burning determination to try something new. God damn it. "Besides, I don't know a damn thing about fishing. And neither do you. Stupid."

"Well, the guy on TV took this worm and impaled it on a hook, and it was really kind of gross, but cool, too. Then he lowered it into the water and waited a long time for a fish to bite it, which was really just 10 seconds on TV with a caption that said 'time lapse' or something, and some banjo music in the background."

"Yes, that is the general idea of fishing. Everyone knows that, you moron. Except for the time lapse part. In real life, you actually have to suffer for hours in a wet, boring, godforsaken boat that smells like shit, or on a rotting dock that smells like fish _and_ shit. And no one plays the banjo." He paused. "Wait...You've watched fishing on television before?"

Shuichi nodded.

"Is wasting valuable time some sort of hobby of yours?...Wait, I don't need you to answer that. You're wasting a lot of it right now, in fact."

"It's not a waste. We need to eat, right?"

Yuki glared. Unbelievable. He tried to put this in simple terms that Shuichi would understand: "It would be faster, not to mention safer, cleaner, tastier, and more pleasant," – he tallied these impatiently on his fingers – "to find the nearest town and _buy_ something to eat. Oh, and cheaper, when you factor in the medical bills we'd inevitably incur after _you_ attempt handling fishhooks."

Shuichi scowled.

"And besides, I need to buy cigarettes. I forgot yesterday." _Because I was too busy buying aspirin, because of _you,_ stupidass._

"No, you don't. We can do that later. I want to go fishing. _Please,_ Yuki...?"

"No."

"Pleeease?"

"Get in the car. Or stay here, I don't care. But you'll have to wait longer for me to bring back the food that way."

"Fine, I'll just go fishing myself."

Yuki wondered just what the _fuck_ that guy's problem was. Would he really prefer to do things the hard way and achieve mediocre results (at best) than to do them the easy way and achieve perfectly great ones? _Why??_ Why would _anyone_ want to do that? This was just another of the things about Shuichi that drove Yuki absolutely up the wall.

So why exactly hadn't he just dumped him and moved on a long time ago?

And, moreover, why exactly did he find himself standing here right now next to a sparkly lavender car near a smelly lake in the hot, uncomfortable midmorning American sun with the guy?

Completely unaware of Yuki's internal feelings of frustration, Shuichi rummaged in the trunk and found a summer hat that he had bought just for the occasion. He placed it on his head and stopped to admire it in the car window reflection. It was one of those soft, bucket-shaped hats with a flared trim. It hid his messy hair nicely. He hoped Yuki would like it. But then, Yuki was obviously not in a very good mood right now, and was most likely feeling highly anti-anything-having-to-do-with-fishing.

He grabbed a few more things out of the trunk. "Okay Yuki, I'm done. You can take the car now. I'm going to the bathroom and then I'm gonna go down to the lake and rent fishing stuff."

"You don't have any money. I'm always paying for everything, remember?"

"Oh, that's right..." Shuichi opened the front passenger door and found a ten-dollar bill in his bag. "Yuki, how much is ten dollars?"

"Hey! Where did you get that? Were you picking my wallet, after all the snacks and shit I bought you??"

"No! You gave it to me, remember? At McDonald's."

_Oh. That's right._ Yuki sighed. _I ended up paying for_ that_ meal myself, too._ "Well, give it back. You are _not_ using that money on a box of dead worms."

"Fine, I'll buy live ones and kill 'em myself. You gave it to me, so I can do whatever I want with it. Ja!" Shuichi sauntered away like he knew exactly what he was doing, but he secretly, worriedly hoped that ten dollars would be enough.

Then came the fact that he still didn't know how he would get around the language barrier. What was the English word for "worms"? He doubted that such a useless word would have been taught in his English class, even if he _had _been paying attention.

_Oh, well._ Shuichi kept walking determinedly and didn't look back. _I don't need Yuki. _

Yuki simply stared after him, amazed at how serious Shuichi was about this. Why couldn't Shuichi be more..._normal?_ He turned angrily and decided that it was not his problem. He yanked open the front door and cursed to himself when he hit his head on the top of the doorframe in the process of sitting down.

His hand reached automatically for the ignition, but all it touched was air. He realized that he didn't know where he'd left the key. _What I really need is coffee. Damn._ He shuffled some stuff around, looking under a soda bottle, on the floor, and in the seat with Shuichi's belongings.

He grew more and more frustrated. _Where is that key? It's got to be around here somewhere._

_What if he cuts himself with a hook?_

_Where IS that key?_

_...And then freaks out and falls in the water and gets trapped under the overturned boat?_

_WHERE is that key, dammit??_

_...And then tries to get out but goes about it entirely the wrong way and gets tangled in the fishing line and chokes himself to death before he gets the chance to drown?_

_WHERE IS THAT FUCKING KEY??!!_

He stopped. Leaning back, he closed his eyes and breathed. _You know that's ridiculous, Eiri. Ten dollars isn't enough for a boat. He probably won't make it past the fishing equipment rental booth anyway because he doesn't know English, and then he'll just sit there like a stubborn moron, waiting for the fish to bite the end of a freaking stick._

_And then he'll get frustrated that it isn't working, and he'll wave the stick around and gouge his own eye out with it._

Yuki snapped opened his eyes and glared in the rearview at himself in disgust. Had he just thought what he _thought_ he'd thought? _Poking his eye out with a stick??_

"Oh my god." He slammed the steering wheel in frustration. "I am NOT his fucking MOTHER!!"

He fell forward into the wheel and let his forehead land forcefully upon his tightly clenched fist. _He's just so goddamn reckless and stupid and _accident-prone._ If he goes and kills himself...then what will be my excuse for being seen in a sparkly purple car? Yeah, that's it. That's all there is to it._

He breathed and decided that he would just go and check on Shuichi for a minute. He would give up his search for the key while he still had a legitimate excuse. He would ask Shuichi if he's seen the key, Shuichi would say no, and then he would return to the car and look some more until he found it. Then he would get the hell out of here and get some food and coffee and cigarettes to put some _sense_ back into him. Christ.

He stopped at the shower house (well, went out of his way for it, since it was located way over in the middle of RV suburbia) to use the restroom and freshen himself up a little. Good thing, too. His hair looked almost as awful as Shuichi's had.

Speaking of Shuichi's hair...Shuichi had obviously been here already, as indicated by the cheap comb full of pink hair he had accidentally left on a sink top. Yuki shoved it in his own bag. _Stupid _and_ careless, that idiot,_ he thought sourly.

He left the men's room and thought about when the last time was he had taken a shower. He really should be doing that right now. He felt disgusting. _But Shu—I mean, food is most important right now. I need to ask Shuichi where the key is so I can take that stupid car and go buy food._

He meandered down to the lake, taking his time. Although he never, ever, ever consciously proposed it himself, this was most likely because he really didn't want to see that Shuichi was perfectly fine – which he most certainly was – and then have to leave. It was still very possible for Shuichi to cut/injure/maim/choke/strangle/drown/poke himself _after_ he left for town, after all. Very possible, and not at all unlikely.

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A/N: Yay, I got in some focus on Shuichi near the beginning of this chapter! It seems like I'm mostly focusing on Yuki and how much Shuichi gets on his nerves. I should really try and be more even. --;; 

Please Review! If you don't, I will find you and poke your eye out with a stick...! LOL


	5. Why Does Love Have to Hurt?

The Off Track

By Aoi Umi

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A/N: Thank you for all the kind reviews, everyone! They really keep me going. Here's another long chapter for y'all. Don't forget to review ::brandishes stick threateningly like K-san with his gun::

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Chapter 5: "Why Does Love Have to Hurt?"

When Eiri came within sight of the lake, he panicked a little, as Shuichi was nowhere to be found. Panicked internally, of course. And _only_ a little.

_Great, he's drowned himself already. ...I always thought he would float, though._

He grimaced after having these morbid thoughts, because even if they had been a joke, they hadn't made that satisfying of a joke, really.

But the lake was actually much larger than it appeared at a first glance. There were several inlets and alcoves that were hidden by treed peninsulas. This, of course, meant that Shuichi was obviously in another part of the lake. But whether he was alive or not was still yet to be determined.

Yuki spotted the fishing equipment rental stand. If anyone had seen Shuichi, it would be that old man working at it. He approached the stand casually.

"Good morning," greeted the old man. He was very short and decrepit, but had a friendly face. Which was almost _too_ friendly and borderline creepy. "Can I help you, sir? Today we are having a special on flies and lures. Three for the price of two." And his accent sounded eerily familiar.

"Uh, no thanks," answered Yuki in English. "I'm actually looking for someone." He leaned over and spoke in a lower tone, as if he were nervous about being overheard. "Have you seen a Japanese guy with pink hair, looks about 20?" He almost added: "And rather idiotic?," but refrained.

The man beamed warmly. "Why, you must be Yuki-san!" he declared in Japanese.

Yuki was startled. He hadn't been aware that he had an American following consisting of creepy old men. "Um...yes?" He still used English. But of course...this old guy had spoken Japanese...he must be Japanese. Why hadn't he noticed before? Then he got a little angry. "What do you want...?"

"Shindou-kun has told me all about you. You are the one who has made him very happy in bringing him on a vacation to America. You are supposed to be off buying bread for the two of you now, yes?"

"Um...something like that." Yuki wrestled with a feeling of unease, but restrained the urge to get impatient. "Listen, have you seen him?"

The old man pointed to the lake. "He is out on the water now," he stated. "Catching big fish with my bait, no doubt."

"On the lake," Yuki repeated. "What, in a boat or something?"

The man nodded. "Such a nice young man, he is. So polite and friendly. For free I let him borrow an unused boat."

"And he's out there alone in a boat with a fishing rod and hooks and whatnot?"

"Yes, he says he knows about fishing."

"He's a goddamn liar, then," Yuki muttered to himself as he strode away to find Shuichi. Then he turned back rigidly when he realized that he didn't know where to look. "Um...excuse me, but could you be more specific?" he asked the man.

"I'm sorry, Yuki-san; that is all he said about the fishing."

Yuki was quickly losing his will to restrain his impatience. "I _meant,_ which direction did he go?"

The old man pointed. "He was going that way, last I saw of him. He was singing, too. Lovely singer he is."

"Thank you," said Yuki as he walked brusquely in that direction. "For your help, that is." He didn't want this man thinking he took any credit for Shuichi's singing ability or anything, because that would be absurd.

"I am happy to help. Young Shindou-kun will be happy that his boyfriend is worrying about him so." He grinned.

_Erk_ Yuki almost stopped in place, but instead poured more energy into getting the hell out of there and finding Shuichi so that he could yell at him for this.

...How had that old man known he was worried, anyway...and not, say, trying to find Shuichi so that he could ask him where the damned missing car keys are? Which he _was._ The second one, that is.

_Damn those old folks and their unnatural intuitiveness. _Yuki swore that, when he got old, he would never meddle unwelcomely in the affairs of young, _normal_ people.

_Where am I going? This is ridiculous,_ he fumed. _How the hell am I supposed to find—_

"Yuuukii! Over here!" The hyper waving arm threatening to pull itself out of its own socket was identification enough, but in case there was any doubt, the shocking pink hair was also a distinguishing feature. That was Shuichi, all right.

Yuki lifted a hand to acknowledge that he'd seen him. He put very little energy into it and quickly let it drop into his pocket. What was he doing here?? He needed a cigarette about now.

Much to his frustration, he didn't find a pack of cigarettes, but what he _did_ find was – a key. A key attached to a keychain featuring an ugly little cartoon character and the words "Rental Bob's Car Rental Place for Renting Cars and Vans and Other Assorted Automobiles and Vehicles on Four Wheels."

Yuki wondered if promotional keychain manufacturers charged by the letter, and if so, who the lucky keychain-making bastard was who had gotten Rental Bob's business.

But what he really wondered was how he could have been _stupid_ enough to have overlooked his own pocket when searching for the key. It must have been from hanging around with that damn Shuichi for so long.

Speaking of whom...Yuki quickly shoved the key back into his pocket and faced the water.

Shuichi was now paddling clumsily into shore. He waved again when he saw Yuki look up.

Yuki didn't bother to wave back this time. Instead he called out, "Shuichi! Have you...uh...seen the car keys anywhere? You didn't take them, did you?"

Shuichi shook his head. He was now only about ten feet from Yuki. "Did you look in your pocket? That's where I always find things."

Yuki glared. "Of course I did. Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Oh, well, I'm sorry you can't find them. I was kind of hoping you'd be back soon, because this isn't going so well and I'm still hungry."

"No kidding. What did I tell you, moron?"

"But it's a lot of fun!" Shuichi smiled, undeterred, as he brought the boat into the beach. "Come on, Yuki, get in! You'll love it!"

"If you didn't sound exactly like the guy on that Cheesy-O's commercial right now, I might have even a tiny amount of reason to believe you."

"Hey...I like Cheesy-O's," Shuichi defended.

"I rest my case."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Look, just how long are you going to do this crap? Why don't you come – er, help me...find the keys, so we can actually go and get something to eat?"

"Yeah, yeah, in a little while. I can live," said Shuichi. Then he perked up and smiled again. "But right now there's something I want to show Yuki!"

"...You have to get in the boat!" he explained.

"I already said 'no.' What part of 'I don't want to get in that stupid rotting boat and go out on that smelly lake' don't you understand?"

"But Yukiii...You came all the way down here to see me, and you're not even going to have any fun?"

Annoyance flashed in Yuki's eyes. "You think I came down here to see you? I came to ask if you had the car keys, Idiot."

"Yukiii...you're so mean." Tears welled in the young man's omelet-sized eyes. He leapt up and clung to Yuki's arm pleadingly.

"Stop that."

Shuichi complied and loosened his grip. Most of the way. Then something impish in him possessed him to grab very tightly and pull Yuki into the boat by force.

Yuki, being the stronger of the two, would have resisted had he not been so caught by surprise. His eyes widened as he felt himself falling helplessly toward the painful-looking construction of wood. In a split second, it was no longer painful-_looking,_ but very painful indeed.

"OW! God DAMMIT, Shuichi! That's the second time today. Son of a..." He opened his eyes and found himself staring upside-down into Shuichi's completely mortified face.

"I'm soooo sorry, I hurt Yuki again...uwaahh, how could I be so awful??" he wailed. He cradled Yuki's head and sobbed into it. Then he felt something wet on his fingertips and lifted his hand to see what it was. "Oh my god, Yuki, you're bleeding!"

"Great. Are you going to plaster my hair with Band-Aids now to guarantee more pain later?"

"I'm serious, Yuki, we've gotta do something. I know, here, I'll use my shirt..." He panicked and started unbuttoning it.

_Great idea.__ Except that's _my _shirt, remember?, _Yuki grumbled to himself. He decided to just let Shuichi do it anyway. He couldn't see the back of his own head and couldn't tell for himself how serious this was. And he didn't like that shirt much, anyway.

So demanding of attention the current situation was, that neither of them had noticed when the boat had slipped out of the sand and back into the water. Now they were slowly drifting out onto the sun-drenched lake, the light waves lapping playfully against the side of the boat.

Shuichi sat with Yuki's head in his lap, tending to the wound he had accidentally inflicted. It was rather a melancholy moment. _Poor Yuki,_ he thought. _Not only do I annoy him...but I also keep causing him physical injury. I hope he's not mad. But I know he has a right to be. Sigh._

"Hey, Yuki?" he spoke up.

"Hm?"

"I know this is a bad time to ask and everything, but...are you having fun?" he asked meekly. "I mean, apart from the bleeding and the hurting and the being annoyed and hungry," he quickly amended.

Yuki leaned his head back a little and looked up. _Ow._ "What else is there?" he chuckled in that "I'm serious" sort of way.

"Well, um, ah..." Shuichi blushed a little. "I mean, are you having fun being on vacation with...me?"

Yuki really didn't know how to respond. He hated answering questions that were so...direct. It was difficult to come up with vague or sarcastic responses to questions that required simply a yes-or-no answer. He settled on: "It's better than working." Which was a legitimate answer right now, and hopefully held no unintended subtext.

Shuichi grinned and acted like he was satisfied with this answer. But he had never really thought it was because of work that Yuki hadn't wanted to come. He still wanted to know if Yuki was enjoying his company. (And last night didn't count.) But he knew that Yuki would get angry if he pursued the topic any further, so he let it drop.

"Um...Yuki?"

"What?"

"I think we're like...in the middle of the lake." A drop of sweat appeared on his head.

"Well, dammit, get us 'like' out of the middle of the lake..." Yuki mumbled and trailed off.

"Yuki?..."

There was no response.

"...Yuki...?" his voice wavered. "Don't die, Yuki!!" He violently shook the injured man's shoulders. "YUKIII!!!"

"AAH! What the fuck...??" Yuki opened his eyes. "I'm not dying, stupid. I'm trying...trying to...sleep, so shut up and stop...stop..." He was out again.

Shuichi whimpered. Something was not right. He readjusted the makeshift cloth bandage, which now held a frightening amount of blood. He had thought the bleeding would stop sooner.

Well, whimpering would do no good, he decided. He reached for the paddle, taking care not to jostle Yuki's sleeping head in his lap too much. _I'll get us back to shore and find someone who can help._

This task was, like many for Shuichi, easier said than done. When he finally had the paddle in his grasp, he realized that he would need his other hand. He carefully freed his right hand, which had been pressing the shirt to Yuki's wound. There was blood on it, so he tried to reach down into the water to wash it off. In so doing, he rocked the boat a little and panicked.

Suddenly this boat seemed a lot less fun than it had just ten minutes ago. _Okay. I can do this. I can't catch fish, but I can help Yuki._

He cradled Yuki's head protectively in his legs and seized the paddle in both hands. He dipped it into the water and issued a determined stroke. Then another, and another.

And, to his dismay, he found himself going in a neat little circle.

How had he managed this earlier?

After much experimentation and frustration, he finally found a way to paddle the boat on a somewhat straight course while still attending to Yuki. It took a lot longer than he would've liked, but he eventually made his way back near the fishing equipment stand.

The old man caught sight of him and waved. "Shindou-kun! How was your luck? Catch anything?" He obviously couldn't see Yuki yet.

Shuichi shook his head fervently. "Please help!" He was almost to shore now. "I hurt...I mean, Yuki is hurt!"

"Oh, my..." the man ran up to meet him when he saw the blonde man lying unconsciously in Shuichi's lap. "What happened?"

"He, um, fell in the boat and hit his head," explained Shuichi, a little self-consciously.

"Stay right there," the old man instructed as he ran back to the fishing stand. He returned a moment later with a box of medical supplies. "Now get him out of there and onto the shore."

Shuichi nodded. He slipped both of his arms beneath Yuki's body and lifted.

"Nngh!" No good. He couldn't put his full strength into it. He was too afraid of losing his footing and falling and hurting _himself_ as well.

But Yuki was now awake. "Ow...what are you doing, Shuichi? Where am I?"

"Um, uh...you're bleeding, remember? Come on; get out of the boat so we can help you."

Shuichi supported him as he stood up and almost tripped out of the boat. He sat down and rubbed the back of his head. "Oh shit..." he mumbled. "I _am_ bleeding."

"Now just stay still," said the old man as he began to wipe down Yuki's hair and clean the wound.

"What?" Yuki pulled away. "Do you know what you're doing?" he interrogated.

The little old man looked into his face very seriously. "I used to be a doctor," he stated in a flat warning tone.

Yuki cursed to himself under his breath. This was not fun. Not fun at all. He needed a cigarette. And _coffee_, dammit. Only an idiot would forget to bring coffee. And Shuichi was in charge of bringing stuff, he reminded himself.

"Ow!" Having that old man and Shuichi poking around in his hair pissed him off. Oh, the indignity of it all. He reminded himself that they were only helping and tried to calm down.

But then he remembered that this was Shuichi's fault to begin with.

But Shuichi already looked so upset that yelling at him would be cruel. Er, pointless.

Whatever. He still needed coffee. And a cigarette. Oh, and food, too.

"There," announced the old man. "That should do it. It looked bad at first, but you should be just fine, Yuki-san. There was no injury to the head other than a bump and a breaking of the skin. But you should rest and take it easy for awhile just in case."

"Yeah, Yuki," agreed Shuichi. "Just don't scare me again like you did when you passed out back there..."

"I didn't pass out. I was sleeping like I _said_ I was, moron. Because you woke me up too early and because I haven't had any coffee yet."

"Oh!" Shuichi brought his hands up in that 'why-didn't-you-say-so' sort of way. "If you want caffeine, I still have half a bottle of that Electro Glucose Explosion stuff in the car. You can have it."

"Er..." he winced. "No thanks." Was _this_ the secret to Shuichi's annoying, neverending bouncy hyperness? Somehow he'd see to it in the future that the plug get pulled on the Electro Glucose Explosion.

Yuki began to get up. "Well, thanks for the help...sir. Come on, Shuichi, let's go into town and buy food."

"Oh, no, you mustn't!" the man protested. "It would be a good idea for you to rest now, sir. The bleeding is stopping and there is a minimal chance that this would happen, but it is still possible that you could be passing out behind the wheel."

"I'll be fine. I'll take my chances. Now if you'll excuse us..." he firmly grasped Shuichi's hand and began to lead him back up toward the campsite.

"But—"

Yuki wanted to tell that old geezer to shove it, but he clenched his teeth and said, "Look. I appreciate your concern, _doctor,_ but right now the things I'm most likely to faint from are hunger and maybe caffeine deficiency. Goodbye."

He strode away impatiently with Shuichi stumbling behind him.

"Aa, Yuki...?" Shuichi ventured when they were a considerable distance away. "What if he was right? Maybe you should rest..."

Yuki turned around and glared. "Shove it."

Shuichi lowered his head a little and shut up. Only momentarily, though. Now he apparently had another idea. "Hey, Yuki! Why don't I drive so you can rest?"

Yuki's eyes widened and he stopped short. _You.__ Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me._

"Do you even have a license??" he sputtered.

"Yeah!" Shuichi grinned. "I just never use it because I don't have a car and there's not much need for one in downtown Tokyo. And you always drive whenever we go somewhere else. Which is hardly ever, but still."

"When did you...?"

"A while back, I wanted to get a license so I could drive Hiro's motorcycle. But you have to get a regular license first, you know. I just barely passed the test, but I couldn't pass the motorcycle one. It was so _hard._ And Hiro didn't give me much sympathy at all. Can you imagine?"

_Actually, I can,_ thought Yuki. His thoughts wandered back to the situation at hand. And his answer was a firm: "No."

"I _know_! He was almost happy or something that I didn't pass, I swear...and I was mad at him for a few days, until he said he would take me on his motorcycle and buy me a quintuple-scoop strawberry ice cream cone, and I didn't even know they _did_ that many scoops..."

"I meant, No. You're not driving."

"Huh? Why not?"

Yuki sniggered. Then he turned it into a sort of laugh that really wasn't terribly happy sounding at all. Then he fell silent and resumed his expressionless stare ahead.

"...Yuukiii...You think I'm a bad driver, don't you?" Shuichi whined as they arrived back at the campsite.

"That's an understatement."

"I don't know what that means, but how do you know I'm a bad driver? Just trust me Yuki, I'm a great driver!"

Shuichi popped open the trunk to find a new shirt to wear. Without thinking, Yuki removed the keys from his pocket and grasped the door handle. He pulled, and jumped a little in surprise when he was greeted by a certain pink-haired someone sitting in _his_ seat behind the wheel. How had he gotten there so quickly?

Shuichi peered over the top of his sunglasses coolly. "_You_ said those were lost." He indicated the keys in Yuki's grasp.

_Oh, shit._ "Well, uh...I just...found them. Happy?" he tried lamely. He was in no mood for this.

"In – your – pocket!" he sang. "Hahahaha, stu-pid Yu-ki!"

Yuki actually did feel rather stupid, but he acted like he was not amused in the least. "Move out of that seat."

"No. I'm driving."

"If you think for one second that I am _seriously_ going to let you drive..."

"Fine, then." Shuichi grabbed the keys, slammed the door shut and started the ignition before Yuki could blink. (Thank you, Electro Glucose Explosion!)

Yuki frantically pulled on the door only to find it locked. Shuichi was now backing very unevenly out of the campsite.

It was time, in that instant, to make a potentially life-altering decision. Yuki sure as hell did not want to ride in a vehicle that had a driver like Shuichi behind the wheel. But he also couldn't very well allow said driver to operate a vehicle on his own and endanger not only his own life, but also the lives of all the innocent people in his path.

Yuki lunged for the passenger door and pulled. He found it _unlocked,_ of course. He jumped in just as the car spun on its tires and then lurched forward dangerously.

"What the _hell_ do you think you're doing?!" he spat as he fell into the seat and slammed the door behind him.

"Driving," Shuichi replied. He looked over and smiled. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Idiot! Stop looking at me and look in front of you!"

Shuichi swerved back onto the road and narrowly avoided the tree for which he had been on a collision course.

Yuki wondered what heart attacks felt like. He wouldn't be surprised if he were about to find out.

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A/N: I will admit that I don't know much about drivers' licenses in Japan or about the validity of foreign drivers' licenses in the United States. So don't try and call me on that technicality, because I already know that I am almost certainly wrong. But please try to ignore that detail and just enjoy the story. nn;; 

One reviewer mentioned that it would be unusual for Shuichi and Eiri to do the camping thing or to worry about money. For Shuichi's part, this is what he _wanted_ to do, to try that American roadtrip ideal vacation that he heard about from god-knows-where. And as for Eiri, his reluctance to spend money is purely based on principal. He doesn't like the fact that after he so _generously_ agreed to even come, he's now the one who has ended up paying for it all. It's like a big present that Shuichi has picked out for himself and is taking advantage of (in his opinion). He still has the mindset that the entire thing is stupid. Or at least he's stubbornly determined to have that mindset. Hehe.

And I think I've figured out why I hardly ever write Shuichi's thoughts. It's because he always seems to just _say _whatever he's thinking. No mystery about that guy. Yeah, I guess I figured that out before, but I never really _realized_ it until I tried to write his character, y'know?

Please Review! Or I will...um...throw you into a wooden boat?

Yeah, and it'll hurt, dammit!

(I will try to think of a new idle threat for each chapter.

Watch them get progressively lamer. :3)


	6. LoveHate Ya, Rain or Shine

The Off Track

By Aoi Umi

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A/N: This chapter is definitely fluff. x.x It's kinda serious for awhile (and hopefully not corny), but I hope it's still funny too. I've now read book 7 and seen through episode 10, and I'm realizing that the characters (namely Eiri) go through a lot of changes and do things unexpectedly. So I dunno what the timeframe of this fic is. x.x;;

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Chapter 6: "Love/Hate Ya, Rain or Shine"

"Why did you put the top down?? It's going to rain!"

"No it isn't," replied the happy young driver, as if his sunny disposition were enough in itself to dispel the clouds.

Japan's renowned romance novelist Yuki Eiri wondered just what he was doing without food, without caffeine, without a pack of cigarettes, with an ugly bandage tied to his pained head, flirting with death at entirely too many miles per hour at the hand of the driver from hell.

_Just barely restraining myself from sending him _back_ to hell,_ he decided, bleary-eyed.

The car made a sudden swerve and the side of Yuki's head met door. He recoiled and brought a hand to his head to discover a new bump.

_Okay, make that: trying to stay alive for the time being. _

"DAMN IT! Pull over, you idiot Shuichi!"

"No! I'm a licensed driver; I know what I'm doing."

"That doesn't mean shit. You don't _know_ shit! You're driving on the wrong side of the road—This isn't Tokyo!" he screamed.

"Huh?" Shuichi's eyes widened as this accusation was confirmed by a semi truck headed straight for him. Or rather, _he_ was headed straight for _it._ He relinquished his grip on the wheel as Yuki leapt over and desperately jerked it to return the car just in time to the correct lane.

Shuichi was petrified. The light drops of rain stung his eyes, but he was unable to close them at all or to concentrate on where he was. He didn't even notice as the car rapidly lost speed.

"Idiot! Hurry up and step on the accelerator!" Yuki yelled urgently after glancing over his shoulder at the cars behind them.

"What?" Shuichi, still staring ahead in wide-eyed terror, felt around with his foot and tried to locate it. When he did, he issued an instinctive stomp, causing the tires to screech and nearly causing Yuki to let go of the wheel.

With the wind and rain in his eyes, it took all Yuki had to maintain his grip and steer from this odd angle. Luckily, the road was mostly straight. He intended to pull over and switch seats as soon as possible.

But it ended up being sooner than he had expected when suddenly the car lost speed again.

"I told you to accelerate!"

"I am," whimpered Shuichi. He tried stepping on the accelerator again and again, but to no avail.

Yuki glanced apprehensively at the gauges. "Oh, shit." It was just as he had feared: the fuel gauge read "empty."

With some difficulty, he eased the sputtering car onto the shoulder and let it come slowly to a stop. Several heart-pounding seconds later, he loosened his tight grip on the wheel and removed the key from the ignition. He touched the convertible top button, then sat back without a word and closed his eyes.

Shuichi couldn't tell if Yuki was mad, or what. He looked up dolefully from his shiny, wet, downturned face. "Yuki?"

"Hm?"

"I'm...sorry..." he choked.

Yuki opened one eye and glanced at the pathetic-looking boy curled up in the driver's seat next to him. He still looked quite shaken up about the whole thing. Yuki could have sworn that Shuichi was even shaking a little, literally, and there were little tears welled in the corners of his eyes.

In fact, with his bedraggled hair and wet clothing, he looked not unlike a lonely, distraught little rodent. Not like his usual self at all. But he had an excuse. Having a near-death experience can really affect one's psyche, if only temporarily.

Yuki gently seized Shuichi's shoulders and pulled him halfway into his lap. "Idiot," he muttered softly.

Shuichi clenched his fists and gripped his lover's damp shirt very tightly. For several minutes neither of them moved an inch. The only sounds to be heard were the pattering of raindrops on the roof and Shuichi's ragged but steadily calming breaths.

When his trembling had subsided and his heart had nearly returned to a normal rate, Shuichi slowly dragged his entire body into Yuki's lap and looked up into his face.

He looked genuinely ashamed of himself.

"You were right," he breathed. "I guess I didn't know what I was doing. I could have killed both of us...I could have _killed_ you, Yuki!" He buried his face in Yuki's shirt and began to cry.

With those words, a pang shot through Yuki's heart as he stared into the distance. He brought his eyes to linger on the top of Shuichi's head. He wrapped his arms in comfort around his lover's quivering body and held him closely, because right now he was certain that he couldn't have lived with himself if he didn't.

This was a different sort of upset than the last time. Shuichi wasn't crying like a chick, he was crying...like a person. For an admittedly legitimate reason. Yuki Eiri was surprised to find that he felt no shame at all in offering him comfort. Which should have been annoying, but was strangely somehow...liberating.

It would have been nice to have been able to get his heart out of his esophagus, but Eiri didn't mind the feeling so much as the rain grew heavier and louder. Shuichi's hair smelled a bit like a wet dog's at the moment, but it was distinctly his own scent and it was not shunned.

...In fact, that hair made a nice sort of pillow, in a way.

"Yuki..." Shuichi smiled weakly. "You're making my head hurt."

Yuki opened his eyes and lifted his head. "Oh..._your_ head hurts?"

Shuichi's smile faded and he turned his eyes down again. "Oh...yeah...uh...sorry."

"Just promise you won't ever do that again," Yuki said softly.

"What?" Shuichi looked up. "...Almost splitting your head open? Or almost driving you into a fiery, explosive death?" His voice strengthened, but wavered. "Or even taking you away from your job and the comfort of your home to force you to spend time with me?"

"You didn't force me. Don't go thinking you _could_ have by the way," said Yuki. "I came myself."

"...Why?" Shuichi implored quietly.

That was the accursed one-word question that _couldn't_ be avoided by vagueness, sarcasm, or indirect answers. Damn it. And he didn't _have_ an answer.

Silence might work.

Shuichi didn't persist. But whether this could be attributed to Eiri's superior silence techniques or to his suddenly demanding stomach was uncertain.

Shuichi smiled a little again and put an ear to Yuki's stomach. "Yuki is hungry," he stated.

"Is he?" Yuki mumbled, seemingly uninterested.

"You know..." said Shuichi. "I just now remembered...I might have something to eat here somewhere...hold on..." He turned around and his head disappeared in the well of the front seat to scour his bag for food. "Manga...pencils...magnets...lip balm...Band-Aids...Nittle Grasper CDs...Ookami-san...marbles...Chia Pet™..." he tallied to himself.

Yuki made a face. _Chia__ Pet™?_

"Here it is!" Shuichi announced with delight. He held a packaged strawberry shortcake treat in front of Yuki's eyes and wiped away the last of his own tears with the back of his hand. "I was saving it for you yesterday, but then I forgot," he explained humbly.

Sweets were never satisfying choices to satiate immense hunger, and he had essentially bought the thing himself since it had been his money...but Yuki smiled ever so slightly anyway. He took the package, opened it, and broke the treat in two. He offered one half to Shuichi, but it was refused.

"No, it's for you, Yuki. Eat it. I'm okay." As if on cue, his own stomach protested.

"Idiot." Yuki parted the young man's lips with his fingers and shoved the cake into his mouth.

Shuichi blinked. Then he chomped down and let the remaining piece fall into his hand. "Mmm...thih ih good," he said through a crumb- and frosting-caked smile. He leaned the side of his head on Yuki's chest again and devoured the snack happily.

Yuki consumed his portion with a bit more dignity. "Pig. You're getting crumbs all over me, you know," he pointed out.

Shuichi stopped. Then a mischievous smile of the grandest proportions twisted itself onto his face. "Don't worry. I'll clean it up." He could hardly contain himself, and his zealousness came off as just a _little_ creepy.

Realization suddenly dawned, but before anything could be done to prevent it, Eiri's personal lapdog released his affection in the best way that dogs know how – and removed the cake crumbs from Yuki's lap in the process.

Yuki shuddered. He seized Shuichi by the shoulders and held him up eye-to-eye. "_What_ do you think you are doing?"

Shuichi craned his neck forward and extended his tongue toward Yuki's face in response.

Yuki held him back. "Stop being such a slobbery, disgusting little perv-ass, and I might just kiss you."

Shuichi quieted himself and shut his mouth.

"There's a good boy," said Yuki just before closing his eyes and pulling Shu-chan in for a kiss. Very quickly the kiss became deeper than he had intended, but he didn't mind…until Shuichi's tongue brushed Yuki's lip, and instead of entering his mouth, it quickly slid with all its slobber up the side of his face.

Yuki froze. He pushed Shuichi away from him again and swept the back of his hand across his face. "Damn you. What was that for? You're disgusting."

Shuichi simply giggled. Hugging Yuki softly, he said, "I love you, Yuki. I can't even stay sad when I'm around you. I wanna express it in as many ways as I possibly can." He beamed.

"Oh, so it's loving you want?" smirked Eiri. "Okay." He drew Shuichi close and proceeded to reach inside the back of his pants.

Shuichi's eyes widened. "Na? W-wait! What are you doing, Yuki?"

Yuki withdrew unconcernedly. "Oh, so you don't? Fine; whatever."

Shuichi stared fixedly through beady eyes. "N-no! I mean, I do! I do want it!" He waved his arms frantically.

"Too late."

"Yukiii!"

"You think I'd actually do that right now? We're still parked on the side of the highway, idiot. I was just messing with you. You really are easy to mess with; you know that?"

Shuichi lowered his head.

Silence.

"So, um…What do we do now, Yuki?"

"Sit here forever on the brink of starvation and see which of us resorts to cannibalism first. Just how good _did_ I taste, hm?" he pinched Shuichi's cheek suspiciously.

"Yuki! I would never ever eat you, no matter how good you taste!" he clung defiantly to Yuki's arm, chibi-style.

"What did I _just _tell you, you moron?" muttered Yuki, his eyes half-lidded.

"You told me that you thought I would eat you," Shuichi stated.

_How can anyone even _be_ so thick?_ Yuki wondered.

"So…what do we _really_ do, Yuki?"

_Okay, good; maybe he's got a couple of brain cells in that pink head of his after all._ "Call for a tow truck or something, I suppose, so we can get the hell out of here. I don't know. This has never happened to me before."

"Well, in the movies they always send the dumb blonde guy to walk across the desert and bring back gas."

"And who would _that_ be??" questioned Yuki, his voice rising a little. Shuichi had unknowingly hit on a slight nerve.

"Well, I dunno. You're blonde, but I'm the dumb guy, I guess." Shuichi smiled sheepishly and Yuki relinquished the offense he had taken. "We could both go..."

"Think, dumb one. We don't know where the hell we are. We don't know where a town _is._ We could walk for 25 miles and not find one. Then we'd still have to come back, even if we did."

"Oh…yeah."

Yuki took out his cell phone and flipped it open. _When did I turn this off?,_ he wondered. Then he tried turning it on…and he tried it again… "What the--? What's wrong with my phone, dammit?! I just charged it!"

"Yuki? Ne, what's wrong, Yuki?"

"My goddamn phone won't work," he growled. "Where's yours?"

"Mine?" Shuichi stared blankly. "I didn't bring mine."

"What? Why the hell _not_???"

"Jeez, calm down, Yuki. You're scary without all the stuff you're addicted to. I told you, you can have my soda; it has plenty of caffiene…"

"I don't _want_ your damn _soda_," he tried more calmly. "Just please tell me you brought your cell phone."

"I didn't bring it. I use it mostly for work. Well, and Hiro. But I didn't want to talk to anyone but you, so I didn't bring it."

"Well next time, please spare me that consideration," sighed Yuki, forehead in his hand. His stomach growled again. "I give up. This can't _get_ any worse, can it?"

"Well…I think it _could_ be worse." Shuichi was determined to remain optimistic, despite how uncomfortable the situation was. "We could be surrounded by hungry man-eating jackals or something. Or even man-eating giraffes. Really tall ones." He smiled a little, but got no response.

The sky rumbled.

"At least we're with each other," he continued, clutching Yuki's hand in both of his own.

"Stop that cheesy bullshit" ran through Eiri's head, but it never quite found its way to his lips. He muttered a detached "Hn" instead. 

Silence.

"Shit."

"Eh? What is it, Yuki?" Shuichi peered into Yuki's face.

"Shit! The only conclusion I can come to is that…the only thing left to do is…" His face twisted in a dramatic, macabre sort of way.

Shuichi waited.

"…Hitchhike," he uttered hollowly.

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Please Review!  
Or I shall sic a pack of flesh-eating giraffes on you!  
And I've been told that they haven't eaten for a week :o  
And bribing them with candy doesn't work, so don't even try it. ¬.¬ 


	7. Happy Birthday to Who?

The Off Track

by Aoi Umi

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A/N: Whew, it's been awhile since I last updated. I seriously have close to ZERO free time anymore, so I'm amazed I even finished this chapter. Part of it had already been written before school started, though, so the next chapter might take me even longer. Gomen! I wish I had more time to write...I really do...u.u; 

Also, please excuse the use of Original Characters in this chapter. I don't care much for OCs myself, but the way I set up the end of the last chapter made it unavoidable. Don't worry; they won't stick around for much longer than one chapter. They're neither based on nor named after anyone I know, and neither is the town in this chapter. It's all randomness that came to my head. x.x

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Chapter 7: "Happy Birthday to...Who?"

_Dear god, _thought Eiri as he clicked the door open and stuck his head outside into the pouring rain. _What the hell is he doing now?_

Apparently, what Shuichi was doing was trying out various ridiculous poses as a means of trying to hitch a ride. He had taken to the idea _way_ too enthusiastically.

"Idiot! Get back in here! You look like a frickin' human lightning rod! You want to die?"

Shuichi paused and looked over his shoulder. His left hand was held out flamboyantly while his right extended a thumb up toward the heavens. Lightning flashed and illuminated his dramatic silhouette.

His eyes widened. "Eep," he squeaked. He covered his head fearfully and ran back to the car for cover.

"You _idiot_," Yuki greeted. "Look at how soaking wet you are. Don't come crying to me if you die of pneumonia or hypothermia or a cold or something."

"But...I'd be dead," Shuichi reasoned (gasp!).

"At least you're sort of clean now, I suppose," muttered Yuki, resting the side of his own wet head against his hand on the window.

"Yup," said Shuichi, rubbing his face to affirm this for himself. "Squeaky. Does this mean Yuki will lick _me_ now?"

"I can't believe you sometimes. You really do live for the present, don't you?" He looked not at Shuichi, but at the rushing and swirling puddles and rivulets forming on the road.

"I'm off work for a week and I'm with you and I'm happy. What else matters?"

It was almost _creepy_ how dedicated that guy was. "'What else matters?'? How about little things like, say, _food_ and _water_ and _a stable body temperature_?? I'm flattered, but _god,_ take care of yourself so you don't fucking _die_. It's not my responsibility."

Shuichi whimpered. "I'm cold." He clutched Yuki's arm and snuggled him for comfort.

"Were you even—??" he started. Shuichi was shivering. It was probably exaggerated, but nonetheless, Yuki softened a little. He said nothing and did nothing but allow Shuichi to lean into him.

Finally, he rolled down the window and stuck his thumb out. "Observe. This is how you hitchhike, moron. All it takes is a simple thumbs-up gesture. I'd advise you to _avoid_ using your middle finger if you want any results."

Shuichi blushed from beneath his cold little tears. "I did not," he sniffled.

"Yes, you did, a few times."

"Well, I didn't mean to."

"Idiot."

Several tense and quiet (save for Shuichi's occasional sniffles) minutes later, a car pulled over in front of them.

"Okay, now, let me lay down a few rules," warned Yuki. "Try not to speak to me too much. Americans are creeped out when foreigners converse in other languages in their presence. And don't act all clingy or act like we're a couple. Gay people also creep out a lot of Americans."

"Aw, can't I just be a girl?" Shuichi whined. "I won't talk at all and I'll just sit there and smile and be pretty."

"What? That won't work." _Well, that's pretty much what I want him to do anyway, except for the 'pretty' part._ "...Fine, whatever."

Yuki got out of the car to greet the person who had pulled over. He was a bright-eyed young man whose brown hair appeared to be flecked with red. He was probably a few years older than Eiri.

Eiri shook his hand. "Hello sir; the name's...Yuki. Uh...Sh...I mean, Ichi Yuki." _Better to retain some anonymity._

"Is that Japanese?"

"Er..." he hesitated. "Yes." _I should have thought up an American-sounding name. Dammit._

"Cool. Nice to meet you, sir. My name is Ronald Berkely. You need some help?"

"Yeah...I'm having a little trouble...um...the car's out of gas." He indicated the vehicle. "It's not my car," he explained hurriedly, obviously embarrassed by its overbearing cuteness. "It's a rental."

"Ah, I see," smiled the man. "You need a ride into town?"

"Please, if it's not too much trouble." Eiri clenched his teeth. This guy was friendly enough, but he could not _believe_ he was stooping to this level.

"Okay, just grab whatever luggage you need and I'll clear some space in the back. Hold on a sec." He ran back to the car and spoke through the window, apparently to someone in the passenger's seat.

"Luggage, huh?..." Eiri opened his door and spoke to his own passenger. "Okay, that's you, I guess."

"Nani?" Shuichi tilted his head.

"Oh...nothing." Rather than repeat this remark in Japanese, he just told Shuichi to grab whatever stuff he needed and get out.

"What should I bring, Yuki?"

"I don't know! Don't ask me. Just bring whatever you want. We'll come back for the rest eventually."

"Okay...um..." Shuichi picked up his bag of stuff. And a half-empty bottle of soda. And a small pillow. And various miscellany from who-knows-where. And he went around back to the trunk and got even more stuff. He even wore the fishing hat from earlier. Now it could be a rain hat. Shuichi smiled.

"Okay, Yuki!" he announced. "I'm ready!"

Yuki turned around and nearly did a double-take. "What the..." Shuichi was weighted down with more than half of the contents of the entire car. "You idiot, there won't possibly be enough room for all that!"

Shuichi tilted his head again. "You don't think?..." He put back the soda and the pillow and some random junk. "Is that okay?"

"Lose the hat...please...then we'll see," Yuki sighed.

_But it's on my _head, thought Shuichi. _Oh, well. Yuki doesn't like it._ He complied and wistfully set it on the seat. However, he glanced back at it longingly. Then he grabbed it and stuffed it in one of his bags.

"Come on!" Yuki called impatiently. After grabbing a few things of his own and locking the car, Yuki strode over toward the other vehicle. Shuichi scuttled behind. Several times he dropped something and hurried to pick it up.

"Oh?" said Ronald when he caught sight of Eiri's pink-headed companion. "Who's this?"

"This is my...friend, Shu-chan."

At the most embarrassing possible moment, Shuichi lost his grip on everything and it tumbled to the soaking ground. "Ah...gomen..." He scratched the back of his head nervously.

Eiri leaned over to Ronald and whispered, "He's a bit slow."

"Ah."

"Shuichi," Eiri addressed. "This is..." he took a moment to recall the name. "Mr. Berkely."

Shuichi ignored the pile of stuff and leapt up to bow. "Hajimemashite! Ore wa Yuki no koibito nan daaaa!!" ("Nice to meet you! I'm Yuki's loverrrr!")

Eiri's face faltered a little. He seized Shuichi by the front of his shirt and growled in a low tone, "He doesn't speak Japanese, you idiot. And you are _damn _lucky he doesn't. If you don't shut the hell—" He stopped, looked up, and changed his tone (and language). "Eh, sorry about that. He doesn't speak English," he explained.

"Well, tell him I am pleased to meet him," Ronald smiled.

"Of course," Eiri attempted to smile. He turned to Shuichi. "If you don't stop acting embarrassing, I'll take your own smelly socks and shove them down your throat," he said genially, as if he were really conveying a greeting.

Mr. Ronald Berkely was none the wiser, and he continued to smile as he showed the two into his car. He indicated and introduced the woman in the front passenger seat. "This is my wife, Eloise. She's eight and a half months pregnant."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am," said Yuki.

"Nice to meet you and your friend," she giggled. She leaned over toward her husband in the driver's seat. "They're cute. But not as cute as you." She kissed him on the cheek.

Ronald blushed. He put the car in gear and pulled onto the highway. "So, if you don't mind my asking, Mr. Yuki, what happened to your head?"

_Head? Huh? _Eiri was in a daze. _The one that's going to make my arms strangle something if it doesn't get either sleep or caffeine soon?_

"Oh...he did." He pointed vaguely in Shuichi's direction. "Long story."

Shuichi looked up. "Ne, Yuki? What's going on? What are you talking about?"

"I was just...er, pointing out what a lovely hat you're wearing."

"This one?" Shuichi pulled the sides of it around his blushing face. "Aw...Arigatou, Yuki! That's so nice of you! I can't believe—" Then his eyebrows lowered in suspicion. "Heeeeyy...you didn't like this hat a minute ago."

"Hey, didn't I tell you to keep quiet?" Yuki warned.

"But—"

"Shut up!" he hissed to Shuichi. "Eh...sorry about that," he said to the Berkeleys. "It's almost time for his medicine..."

"Oh, dear," exclaimed Eloise. "Is your friend sick?"

"No, no...He just needs something to keep his energy level in check. He was hyperactive as a child...with A.D.D. or something..." _Why am I making up this bullshit?_ he wondered. _Though I wonder sometimes if it might not be far from the truth..._

"Oh, I see," she responded, still obviously concerned. "Have you known him a long time?"

_Rrrr...Why are Americans so fucking nosey?_ "Oh, yeah...several years. My friend dated his sister in high school. Or maybe my sister dated his friend. I don't remember." He grinned falsely.

She laughed. "You're funny."

Everyone quieted.

A bolt of lightning crackled through the air and struck the ground with a resonant boom. "Eyaah!" Shuichi squeaked. He reflexively clung to Yuki.

Yuki pushed him off angrily.

The rain poured down. Hard bullets of water pelted the windshield and obstructed the view almost completely.

"Wow, it's raining cats and dogs out there," Ronald chuckled.

_Please,_ someone_ get me out of here,_ Yuki thought.

"Maybe you should pull over for a minute, dear," suggested Eloise.

"Yeah, that would be a good idea. You're so smart, honey," he crooned.

It was very, very difficult for Yuki to resist desperately tearing an escape hole in the roof, or at least rolling his eyes. Writing cheese was one thing, but that was work. Seeing great amounts of it in real life in a confined space was quite irritating.

"Yukiiii..." A chilled hand tugged urgently on his shirtsleeve. "What's going on? Why are we stopping?"

"Maybe this car's out of gas, too," he mused airily.

"What? Then, what do we do now??" he panicked. "Yuki?"

"Idiot. Take a look outside. It's raining. Hard."

"Yeah," Shuichi observed. "It's...what's that expression...? 'It's raining cats and dogs!'"

Yuki dropped his face into his hands. _Gods, have mercy. Kill me now._

"So it's raining...and that will help us...how?" Shuichi inquired earnestly. "Oh! I know; don't tell me...can water be turned into gas?"

Yuki wearily lifted his head and stared in disbelief at that idiot. He didn't bother to answer, just shook his aching head and continued privately feeling sorry for himself.

Shuichi sensed that Yuki did not particularly want to talk to him right now, so he turned in the other direction and gazed out the window instead. After a brief moment of being utterly confused by a lack of visible scenery, which is something typically seen upon looking out a window, he settled instead on observing the patterns made by the thick sheets of gliding water. It was a little like watching clouds. In the midst of this violent, tumultuous storm, Shuichi blindly found amusement.

Yuki sat, silent, waiting. The air was still and there was not a sound other than the drilling of heavy raindrops on the roof.

"Well, darn," Ronald twiddled. "Who ever saw this coming? It was perfectly sunny this morning when we decided to go out for a drive."

"Dear..." began his wife. She gasped sharply.

"I mean, one minute it's a beautiful day and the next – boom! You don't know what hit you."

"_Ronald..._" she insisted.

"What, honey?"

"I feel...like..."

"Oh, gosh, are you feeling sick again?" he asked, concerned.

"No...I—ah!"

Ronald's eyes widened.

Yuki horrifyingly snapped to attention. He hoped to god that his worst suspicion was wrong.

Shuichi looked slightly confused, but was only mildly aware that anything was going on.

Eloise gasped again in pain.

"Oh my god!" said Ronald. "No way!!" He looked around in panic. Seizing the wheel, he put the car in gear and hurriedly glanced behind him. He slammed his foot on the accelerator and swerved onto the road.

Shuichi was bewildered. "Yuki?" He tugged again at Yuki's clothing. "What's going on now?"

Yuki sighed. _This can't be happening._

"Yu-kii? Yuki Yuki Yuki Yuki Yu-kiii??"

Yuki ground his teeth. "That woman is going to have a baby! That's what's going on!" he snapped.

Shuichi's eyes lit up. "Really? Awww..." he fawned.

"Stop that! That's _bad!_ She's in the fucking middle of nowhere and so are we with her!!"

Shuichi's head and arms fell involuntarily on Yuki's lap as the car swerved dangerously.

"Ron!" breathed Eloise. "Look at where you're...driving...and stop...looking at me...every two seconds. I'm—agh!—okay! Really!"

Ronald nodded resolutely and tried to focus on the road. But it was so difficult with his wife right next to him in so much pain. His eyes searched wildly as he strained to look through the torrential rain.

Shuichi, still sprawled completely across the seat, cowered excitedly in Yuki's lap. "This is kind of fun, ne, Yuki?" he chattered. "It's like a movie!"

"Like hell it's fun!" he spat. Then, "Get off me!!"

This effectively shut Shu up and sent him back to a proper sitting position. _Why is Yuki so crabby today?_ he wondered. _I haven't really eaten all day either, and I'm not acting all prissy about it._ Shuichi was not one to dwell on such things, however. _Huh,...I wonder if it's gonna be a boy or a girl?_

"Ronald!" Eloise shrieked. "Watch out! There's a...a skunk in the road up ahead!"

_When, when, WHEN is this nightmare going to end??_ Yuki pleaded with no one in particular.

The vehicle swerved yet again, and this time Yuki found himself involuntarily thrown onto Shuichi. Shuichi happily took the opportunity to very briefly ensnare and nuzzle his favorite soft, blonde head. He next turned his attention out the rear window, where he sympathetically caught sight of a fluffy animal behind them.

"Yuki! Did we almost run into that fuzzy kitty-cat??" he gasped.

"It's not a cat, moron. It's some ugly, putrid-smelling North American animal."

"Aww...it's not _that _ugly," said Shuichi regretfully as he turned around and faced the front once more.

Yuki's gaze lingered for a moment on the road stretching behind. Just before it was completely out of sight, the skunk was struck by another, larger vehicle. Yuki cringed a bit as he turned around himself. Not that it really mattered, but he was sort of relieved that Shuichi hadn't witnessed this incident.

_Come on,_ he pleaded urgently. _Aren't there _any _civilizations in this accursed wasteland??_

If Yuki was having a difficult time being patient, it was, as it should have been, about a thousand times more difficult for poor Eloise. She whimpered painfully and her breathing became more dire.

Ronald, for the first time throughout all this, acknowledged his passengers. "Oh god..." he fretted. "I am so terribly sorry about this! She wasn't due for another two weeks and—"

"Eyah!"

"Breathe, dear; don't worry, we'll get there soon!!"

The wind and the weather picked up again and threatened to veil all hope entirely. But, lo and behold, a sign doth appeared – a literal glaring billboard bearing the name of a civilization. Town, city, suburb, or unlikely logic-defying metropolis in the midst of an empty expanse of maize – it didn't matter. It wasn't a mirage, and Ronald exited at possibly twice the speed limit.

From the sheer name of this settlement, Yuki would have been leery. "Soyton: (painting of an effervescent crop-infested sunscape) Do We Welcome You? Soytonly!" But he couldn't even think to complain at this point. He sat quietly in tense unease.

Ronald halted abruptly at a curbside and screamed at a pedestrian: "Is there a hospital in this town?!"

"Why yes, young man," replied the feeble old gentleman. "Straight ahead on Main, then you take a left on Wickerbaugh and a right on Maple and another right when you get to 3rd Street..."

"Thankssomuchbye!"

"Or maybe it was a left on 3rd; I forget..." he mused to himself in the wake of the vehicle's dust.

Ignoring stop signs as well as speed limit postings, Ronald zoomed down the quiet streets and skidded around corners. He'd never been in more of a hurry for anything before in his life. He got to 3rd street and waffled for a moment about which direction to take. He arbitrarily chose left and gunned it. (Sometimes, not listening carefully really pays!)

----------

Forgotten and ignored completely, Yuki and Shuichi sat in a sudden still silence in the parked vehicle.

"So...um...Yuki? Should we go in, too?"

"Why?"

"I dunno. Maybe we can get food."

"Even in Soyville or wherever the hell we are, there are surely a thousand better places to get food, stupid. It's a _hospital._ I hate hospitals. And if we go in, someone's going to try and drag my head into an examination room." He indicated the bandage that was still unattractively adorning his head.

"You can wear this...?" Shuichi meagerly offered his hat. To Yuki's less-than-enthusiastic response, Shuichi persisted: "It would look so _cute_ on you!" He leapt up and dutifully shoved it onto Yuki's head.

A few matted wisps of golden hair ornately framed the entirely unconvinced expression upon his face.

Shuichi, kneeling on the seat beside him, moved back a bit to admire his fashionable handiwork. "You look beautiful, darling!" he cooed fawningly.

Yuki shook his head. "Every time I'm sure you can't get any creepier, you go and prove me unequivocally wrong," he muttered. _I should expect anything by now..._he internally smiled a bit at the absurdity.

"So," he announced. "Let's at least get out of this Ronald guy's car." He popped open the door and gathered up his bags.

Shuichi followed suit. "That guy's name was Ronald? Like Ronald McDonald?"

Yuki stared. "Uh. I guess..."

Suddenly in Shuichi's face it became apparent that something of drastic importance had occurred to him. "Do you think he _is_ Ronald McDonald?" he gasped.

"What? No. What are you talking about?"

"We should have gotten his autograph, Yuki!" he mourned. "Hey...wait..." His eyes widened a bit. He dropped all of his stuff on the pavement and sprinted for the hospital.

"What the—Shuichi!!" Yuki yelled angrily. "He is not Ronald McDonald! You idiot!! What do you expect me to do with all this shit...?!" Some of it was soaking in a puddle. The rain had stopped, and now a warmish wet breeze irksomely caressed his stern, solitary figure. He reached up to anchor the hat that was still on his head. "God _damn_ him," he muttered to himself.

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A/N: Sorry for a second McDonald's reference. I don't even like McDonald's very much. x.x It wasn't initially intentional – I named the guy Ronald a long time ago, but I only just thought of Ronald McDonald at the very end here. LOL. Was this chapter predictable? Probably. Don't kill me. ;.;

I won't make any idle threats this time. I'm too tired. x.x But PLEASE review...please? I plan to continue this story no matter what, but you have no idea how motivating reviews can be for me...


	8. Of Mice and Their Unfortunate Victims

The Off Track

by Aoi Umi

* * *

A/N: Hey all! Sorry it's been so long. I'm still writing this...slowly but surely. This chapter is insane. I don't know where it came from. This fic kind of writes itself and I can't really do much to control it. I hope it's still entertaining, though. If not, gomen nasai! I'll try harder next time! nn;;

* * *

  
Chapter 8: "Of Mice and Their Unfortunate Victims"

"Excuse me, ma'am," Yuki interjected.

The secretary placed the office phone back on its receiver and languidly looked up.

"I'm looking for someone—"

"Are you a relative, sir?" she droned. "Visiting hours for tonight are over in about 20 minutes, just to give you an ample warning."

"No, no, I'm not here to visit—"

"Emergency? The emergency ward is straight ahead to the end of that hall, take a right and then—"

"No! He's not a patient; he—"

"He's also a visitor? Well, unless he's a family member, you should remind him that visiting hours are over in..."

"I'm just looking for an idiotic Japanese guy with pink hair! Did he come this way??"

"Oh, you mean the one we just detained and shipped off to the psycho ward?"

Eiri's jaw dropped slightly. "...What?"

The woman smiled astringently and peered over the top of her cat-eye glasses. "Just a joke, sir. Hospital humor."

"I...see..." replied Eiri, although he clearly, impatiently didn't.

"You're talking about the guy who was jabbering about Ronald McDonald, right? Assuming he wanted food, I directed him to the cafeteria, but he didn't appear to understand me, so I gave him a map. Cafeteria's to the right at the bottom of those stairs down that corridor."

"Thanks," Eiri broke away, relieved, and started down the hallway. He tried not to look at the very blank walls. Despite his attempts not to breathe, the sterile scent of hospital found its way into his nostrils all the same. Walking down the stairs, he closed his eyes and focused on his objectives: _Find Shuichi. Grab Shuichi. Leave._

His eyes shot open as he tripped on something and nearly lost his balance. Looking at what it was, he mentally checked off Objective #1 with a grimace.

"What are you doing??" he demanded.

"Hi, Yuki. Sitting here on the stairs," Shuichi stated. "I found this little guy," he explained. He held up a small, quivering white mouse in the palm of his hands. "He was here on the stairs and I thought he might hurt himself, so I wanted to help him."

"Eh..." Yuki looked around. _I don't think that's supposed to be here..._

"Look at the way he twitches. See his nose?"

Yuki regarded Shuichi and the rodent irritably. "What happened to Ronald McDonald? Is that rat more important?...And if you ditched _me_ for Ronald McDonald, where does that leave me, you brat?"

"Hm...he'd probably leave you on top of a mountain, because you don't seem to like him very much."

"...What?"

"Without any food or water," Shuichi nodded in agreement with himself. "But don't worry, Yuki; I wouldn't do that," he smiled.

"Yes, well, how considerate of you," Yuki sniffed.

"Oh, stop being bitchy, Yuki. Are you jealous? Yuki is jealous of a mouse!" He grinned haughtily. "Yuki is jealous, Yuki is jealous!" he sang.

_On second thought, skip the second objective,_ thought Yuki. He promptly turned around to leave. _He can just stay here for all I care. Maybe they really will take him to a psycho ward, and do the world a long-overdue favor._

"Yuki? Where are you going?" Shuichi hurriedly cupped the mouse in his hands and stood up. "Yu—"

The two of them simply stared in awe at what was now blockading the hallway.

"Don't move..." warned Yuki.

Shuichi's eyes widened in amazement. "They're...they're...SO CUTE!" He leapt and the hundred albino rodents scattered in all directions, creating a veritable wave of claws and fur.

"Oh my...holy shit. Idiot!" He grabbed Shuichi's arm and swiftly pulled him down the stairs, but Shuichi wasn't budging. "What's wrong with you? Let's get out of here!"

Shuichi gave in and stumbled down the stairs behind Yuki, barely avoiding tripping all the way. _Heee...we're holding hands and he doesn't care!_ He shook his head and woke from his fleeting daydream. "Yukii! Why are we running away? They're just fuzzy little mice."

"They could have some disease like rabies or something."

"Huh? Isn't that one of those S.T.—I mean, when I said that stuff about you being jealous of the mouse, I didn't mean so far as—"

"_Rabies_...I said RABIES. You _idiot_..."

Arriving at the foot of the stairs, the two of them glanced each way and then behind them. Forty or fifty mice were squirming and leaping about on the stairs.

"Let's go this way." Yuki leapt straight ahead, but slowed down to a brisk, rigid walk. "We don't want to look suspicious, I guess..." he muttered.

Apparently their suspiciousness level did not decrease a whole lot, or else they just looked very lost and confused, because a white-coated doctor noticed them and asked, "Can I help you gentlemen find something?"

"Um...actually, where's the nearest exit?" Yuki pointed to Shuichi and explained, "He's feeling a little sick and we'd like to get some fresh air."

"Sick? Well, you're in the right place," the man chuckled. Then his expression turned rather grave. Of Shuichi he inquired, "Can you describe the feeling to me? Where do you feel sick? Stomach?"

Yuki mentally winced. _What a nice excuse to use in a hospital. Stupid,_ he cursed himself.

Shuichi simply blinked. "A...ano..."

"It's okay, really," Yuki interrupted. "He'll be okay once we get outside. It's just like an allergy...thing."

The doctor shrugged. Suddenly he caught sight of about two dozen rodents interspersed throughout the corridor at various intervals. "What the—?"

Yuki turned around dreadfully. Pretending to be surprised, he widened his eyes and said, "Oh! Where did those come from??"

"Oh man, they look like specimens from the experimental research department," said the doctor. "Stay right there while I go into this office and call—heyy..." his eyes locked onto Shuichi and he stopped. Without an explanation, he outstretched a hand toward him.

Shuichi, with frightened doe eyes, stepped back and clung to Yuki as a claimed possession.

Eiri had just realized flusteredly that the two of them were still holding hands. But the doctor's look of intense interest in Shuichi convinced him to remain somewhat protective.

"Sorry, sorry!" The doctor leapt back and apologized. "But what's that in your pocket, sir, if I may ask?"

"Po...poketto ni wa?" Shuichi blinked. He blushed and tried to stuff whatever it was back in.

"What _is_ in your pocket?" Yuki raised an eyebrow.

"Nezumi-san da," he whispered. ("It's mouse-san.")

The skin on the back of Eiri's neck crawled slightly. While a few of the mice skittered and the doctor became distracted, Yuki pulled at Shuichi's arm again in an attempt to make a quick escape.

"Get rid of that thing," he hissed, referring to the mouse, after they had turned a corner and stopped.

The doctor's voice could be heard exclaiming, "Oh god, there must be dozens of them!!" in the corridor from which they'd come. Indeed, a handful of mice now appeared at Shuichi's feet as well. Two of them stood on their hind legs and squeaked imploringly.

"You're popular. Shindou, you slut," Yuki half-smiled.

"Haha...Yuki, that was _funny_," he giggled.

"No...I'm serious."

"..." Shuichi considered this. "Yuki! I didn't cheat on you!" He grasped the front of Yuki's shirt and looked dramatically into his eyes. "Really!"

"Stupid...shhh! You're being loud," he hissed. "Come on; let's sneak out that way."

They ambled down the hallway but quickly picked up pace. Turning another corner, Shuichi slowed, braced for a fall, and leaned into the wall. He uttered a squeak quite like those of the mice, if not slightly more garbled and pitiful.

Eiri looked back. "What are you—" The poor scrawny thing looked like he was in pain. "Shuichi?"

Shuichi looked up. "I'm okay, Yuki," he lied. "I'm not dying of starvation or anything..." He pointedly poured exaggerated energy into resuming his walk-run.

"You're not going to _die_...stupid."

Shuichi coasted defeatedly into Yuki's back. "Yes I am!" he decided. Then he wailed, "Carry me, Yuki!"

Yuki glared, perturbed. That boy had to be the most capricious, melodramatic being on the face of the planet. "Carry you? Are you out of your mind?"

"You said yourself that I'm nothing but skin and bones...remember, when you said that I'm no good on top when—"

"Just shut up and _get_ up off the floor!!" Yuki hissed. He glanced back again only to find Shuichi's body crawling with rodents. _Where did those come from?? Damn, those things run fast._

"Eee..." Shuichi surrendered. "This looks like the end...goodbye, Yuki!"

Yuki rolled his eyes. Mr. Drama Queen should just be left behind and crowned Queen of the Rodents. He envisioned Shu-nezumi with a curly rat tail, sitting contentedly in a sewer somewhere, being shamelessly catered to by his constantly proliferating, disease-ridden subjects. This was strangely somehow amusing, and Eiri smirked a bit in spite of himself.

"Gyaa!" cried Shuichi. "It bit me in the--! Yuki!" He extended a hand pleadingly upward.

Yuki took it and kicked spitefully at Shuichi's assailants. _No one bites his cute little ass except me,_ he thought, which surprised even himself. _God, I sound like the hero in some cheesy action romance, with a really lascivious streak..._

Shuichi fell into his arms joyfully. "You're my hero, Yuki!" he enunciated as if he could read Yuki's thoughts in his expression. Which maybe he could.

The two of them looked down. Rodents were still crawling in and out of Shuichi's pants and pockets. He shrugged apologetically.

Yuki simply pulled him in the direction of the nearest exit. They were almost there. The fading daylight was almost touchable, breathable. And, predictably, barred by a final obstacle.

"Hold it, sirs. Where are you going with these specimens?" The guard detained them and then called someone on his radio.

Eiri vaguely thought of some comment about taking them out to dinner and a movie, but, being decidedly tired of this whole thing, said merely, "Go ahead. Take them. We would be glad to be rid of them."

A man in a white coat, different from the one before, rushed up to them. "There you are, my precious mice, my experiment, my livelihood!" he exclaimed. "But alas! Ruined! It's all ruined!" he wailed. He turned to Shuichi. "You there!"

Shuichi backed into Yuki a little.

"Your pockets...they are swarming with mice. Have you some edible substance within them which attracts the olfactory senses of these creatures?" the man inquired quite demandingly.

"Nn...na..." Shuichi helplessly turned to Yuki for a translation.

"He asked you whether you have any smelly food in your pockets..."

"What? That's kinda rude..."

"...to which the mice might be attracted."

"Oh. Well..." He reached into his pocket, accidentally knocking a screeching rodent to the ground in the process, and pulled out a small wad of...something. What it happened to be was anyone's guess.

"Oh," said Shuichi. "Ha! It's leftover bait from fishing." He set it on the ground and immediately half a dozen rodents swarmed about it.

Yuki made a slight face of repulsion.

"Brilliant!" announced the man in the lab coat. "Have you any idea how difficult it has been for me to convince this experimental group of mice to consume any form of nourishment? They simply would not eat! But here I – excuse me, you, young sir – have found something to their liking! I must have a sample!"

"Give the man that smelly lump of crap," Yuki translated boredly.

"Hai." He picked it up and handed it to the man.

"Brilliant, brilliant..." the man mumbled. "This experiment is ruined, but I shall start anew with another group of mice...yes..."

Shuichi plucked the remaining mice from his clothing and set them carefully on the ground. He and Yuki made for the door, but were stopped again by a woman who had just arrived. "Sorry, sirs, but we must have you checked for any injuries or contaminations caused by your interaction with the lab mice."

They were taken to a small, immaculately clean room which was entirely white but for a few posters presenting intelligence-insulting hygiene tips. "I'll be with you in a moment," spouted the doctor as he brushed past the door and shut it.

"Injuries or contaminations, my ass," Yuki muttered.

"No, mine...remember?" said Shuichi.

Yuki glanced at him and smiled a little. "Oh, yeah. But you know they don't care about your ass. We're here so they can cover their own."

"I thought you said the mice could have diseases."

"I really just want to get out of here."

So they waited. And they waited. And they waited. And Shuichi's stomach made a gurgling noise. And they waited. And Yuki sighed in aggravation. And they waited.

And finally, a young intern poked his head in the door and eloquently asked, "Were you the dudes who were attacked by the lab mice?"

"Yes. Yes, we are," replied Yuki bluntly, defeatedly relinquishing any last remaining shreds of dignity. This situation was almost comical.

"Okay, then." He shut the door spiritedly. "I just need to draw blood samples." Which he did in all of half a minute, or about one-sixtieth of the time his patients had previously spent waiting.

"Now I just need your names and addresses, and you're free to go. We'll contact you within a few days if there are any problems with the results."

"Actually, we don't live here. In this country." said Yuki. "We're vacationing."

"Oh." The man looked up, surprised. "Well then, in that case, if you can stick around and wait for about an hour, we should be able to use our own lab and get your results back to you. If there are any problems, which I doubt there will be, we can work out details later. Would that be a problem?"

_Yes. A huge, glaring one, considering I want to get the hell out of this stifling, sterile hell hole as soon as feasibly possible._ "No. That would be fine. We'll just go...eat in the cafeteria...or something."

"Where are you from, by the way?"

"Japan."

"Oohh, really?" the young doctor became very enthusiastic. "My girlfriend and I are like soooo into Japanese animation. It must be so cool having that stuff on TV every time you turn it on."

"Yes, well...I guess."

"We went to this con one time," he lifted his eyes in recollection, "where we met this one Japanese guy who had like a ton of stuff on anime that I'd never even heard of before. Man, it was like..."

Eiri completely tuned out at about this point. The young insolent continued to jabber mercilessly.

"I wanna eat!" Shuichi leapt up suddenly, and this time it was he who dragged Yuki from the room.

Yuki, for his part, did not resist, although leaving so abruptly was rather rude. _Saved by Shuichi's social ineptitude. Thank god._

"Um...just come back in an hour," the doctor called, "Mr...hey, what is his name?" He peered down the hallway, but it was already too late. "Crap. I wanted him to get me some 'connections' in Japan." 

-----------------------------  
_  
Well, I guess the rodents didn't infiltrate here,_ thought Eiri as they walked through the entrance of the apparently operational cafeteria.

They purchased some food items that appeared marginally appetizing and sat down in a corner near a dark window.

Neither of them spoke for a minute as they began to eat. This was the moment for which they had been waiting all day long. Food...delicious, savory, satisfying food.

Almost.

"How's your food, Yuki?"

"It tastes vaguely like salted cardboard."

"Hey!" Shuichi exclaimed. "Mine, too!"

Yuki raised an eyebrow. "What? That's supposed to be a bad thing."

"Actually, cardboard's not _bad_, it's just kind of bland. It really brings out the flavor of the salt, though, which is good if you like salt," Shuichi explained animatedly.

Yuki stopped, fork held between his plate and his mouth. He looked Shuichi in the eyes. "Should I ask you for an explanation, or not?"

"Oh. Yeah, it was a bet back in middle school," said Shuichi. "Although, come to think of it, the cardboard was from a pizza box, so that probably altered the flavor a lot. With the cheese grease and stuff, you know." He paused contemplatively. "I bet plain cardboard with salt would have tasted a lot worse," he laughed.

"And you wonder why I never want dinner guests," Yuki commented.

Suddenly a familiar figure entered the cafeteria. He caught sight of the two and ran up to them, waving an instant Polaroid. "Hey! What are you still doing here?" he called. "I'm really sorry about earlier, just leaving you and all. But Eloise is okay, and – look!" he slapped the photograph on the table. "Meet Ronald, Jr.," he announced proudly.

"Awww!" laughed Shuichi. "Adorable!"

"Yes, very cute," said Yuki. "Congratulations."

"Anyway, yeah, I gotta run this bottled water up to Ele or I'm gonna get it. See ya!" He sped out the door.

Silence followed.

Then Shuichi grasped Yuki's hand across the table and cuddled it to his face. "We should have one."

"Hm? One what?" Yuki muttered distantly. Then realization dawned and a slight look of horrid incredulity passed across his face. He looked at Shuichi. "That is the funniest thing you've said in a long time. See? I'm laughing," he replied humorlessly.

"No, you're not. This is how you laugh." Shuichi demonstrated. It quickly turned into a genuine laugh, one so infectious that even Yuki laughed a little.

They rose to throw away their trash. On the way out of the cafeteria, Shuichi happily swung their conjoined hands. And Yuki allowed him to, which made him even happier.

_I just ate cardboard substitute, but I don't care. It's been a good day because I've been with Yuki. I love Yuki!_

* * *

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_


	9. A Carriage Ride Made for Two

The Off Track

by Aoi Umi

A/N: Yes, I am still writing this! dun dun dun dunnn Sorry the going is so slow, but it's so very hard to catch a break nowadays. ;.;

Anyway, thanks so much, everyone! I really can't believe this got over 100 reviews! I will definitely finish this! No matter how long it takes...

* * *

Chapter 9: "A Carriage Ride Made for Two"

Outside, Yuki and Shuichi breathed the night air.

"I guess we should find some place to stay, huh?" said Shuichi.

"Or we could just sleep in a gutter somewhere," Yuki replied sarcastically.

"Sleep?" Shuichi grinned. "Who said anything about sleeping?"

Yuki gave him a sideways glance. "Don't get too horny...you've been pissing me off today," he answered.

"Yukiiii!" Shu scowled playfully and leaned into Eiri's arm. He would have grasped it had he not been carrying so much luggage. "How did you know I wasn't talking about jumping on the bed, or watching TV, or playing those outdated video games and charging them to your credit card?"

"Because I _know_ you and I know that you have an indelible motel sex fetish," he smirked.

Shuichi blushed, and to his annoyance, it was right as he was passing beneath a washed, illuminating street lamp. "I-I do not," he stammered.

Eiri smirked again. "Oh? I seem to recall the time when you—"

Shuichi gasped and shoved his hand in front of his boyfriend's mouth. "Yuki!" he pleaded. "Don't! Not that!...We're in public," he whispered meagerly.

Eiri closed his eyes and smiled. This was fun. "There's no one around. And we're speaking Japanese, remember? What...embarrassed, my chaste princess?"

"No!" he replied hotly. He fell silent and looked down at his idly twiddling fingers. After a moment, he burst out, "Okay! I do want to! I really want to! I wanna make hot, passionate, kinky motel love with you, Yuki! Happy??" he cried.

"Too bad," Eiri answered nonchalantly. "If that's the way you feel, I might even get two rooms in order to make sure I get to sleep tonight."

Shuichi sighed huffily. "You are so evil." He knew that Yuki wouldn't do that, though. Not really. He hoped.

"I'll make you a deal. You carry all of this," (he dumped his half of the luggage on Shuichi) "and I'll only get _one_ room."

"Nngh," Shuichi grunted from some incalculable depth beneath the suitcases, pillows, and miscellaneous junk. He shifted the load until he could at least manage to see where he was walking. "I didn't mean evil; I meant _incredibly generous_, o evi—uh, selfless one." He grinned falsely.

"If you sounded any more convincing, I think I'd have to have my publishing company hire you as my advertising director."

"Huh? I already have a job."

Eiri sighed. "Never mind." _Sarcasm is lost on that moron.

* * *

_

"Yukiii...how much longer do we have to walk?"

"Stop whining. I don't know. Do you see any motels around here?"

"We could get a taxi or something, right?"

"Do you see any _taxis_?"

"Um..." Shuichi turned around and surveyed the entire road from left to right.

"Well?"

"No."

Yuki scoffed. "Stay right here on the sidewalk," he instructed. "I'm going to buy cigarettes." He made for a lonely corner store nearby.

"Oh! Get Pocky, too!" Shuichi called. He wasn't sure whether or not Yuki had heard. Lonely, he sat down and placed the luggage beside him, then looked up and down the empty street. He was definitely not in Tokyo anymore.

The sun having set, it was a little cool out. He dug a large jacket of Yuki's out of the pile and snuggled up inside it. His gaze lingered on a fuzzy halo of light around one of the street lamps. The sound of the air moving through the century-old buildings had an odd but lulling quality. Shuichi's heavy eyelids lapsed between open and shut. Nodding, he was nearly asleep when he suddenly started at a steadily approaching _clop-clop_ noise.

The driver pulled on the reins and slowed the carriage to a stop before Shuichi. "Evenin'. Haven't seen you around these parts," he tipped his hat. "What's a pretty young lass like you doing out all alone?"

Shuichi's eyes fluttered open. He blinked. "Ano..." His sleepy voice held a soft, almost feminine quality. "Who are you?" he asked in Japanese.

"Oh," said the driver, surprised. "You're _really_ not from around these parts, are you?"

Shuichi just stared. He didn't want to be rude, but he couldn't help looking at the unusual spotted gray horse reined to the carriage. The entire contraption was something straight out of the old movies.

At that moment, Yuki approached. He was in the process of drawing a cigarette from a package and had nearly brought it to his lighter when he caught sight of Shuichi and the horse-drawn carriage. _Dammit, what is this...?_

"Hello," he greeted in English. "Please excuse my friend." He placed a hand on Shuichi's shoulder. "Shuichi does not speak English."

Shuichi looked around confusedly.

"Well, good evening to you both. Is this lovely young lady someone special in your life?"

Eiri blanched. He wanted to laugh. "Um..." This was unexpected. "Yes..."

"Might I interest the two of you in a romantic carriage ride?"

"Uh..."

"Ohhh, Yuki!" Shuichi's eyes lit up. He was recalling a scene from a romantic movie set in Paris. Somehow he could guess what was going on. "Do you think we could go for a ride in it?" he squealed.

"What...?? That?"

Shuichi nodded.

Yuki sighed. _My feet are damn tired. And I don't have a fucking clue where we're going. A carriage ride would solve both of these prob--..._

Shuichi fluttered his eyelids and flashed his lavender doe eyes.

Yuki's gaze narrowed. He accepted the driver's offer and climbed into the seat in the resigned manner of one who knows that he is doomed to regret his actions.

Shuichi was ecstatic. He piled the junk into the seat, leaving precisely enough room so as to sit as close as physically possible to Yuki. He leapt in and commenced to lean his head lovingly on his man's shoulder in imitation of the movie.

Eiri sighed and gritted his teeth. At least he could relax and just go with it, though, this time. "He thinks you're a girl, you know," he informed Shuichi.

Shuichi blushed. "Re...Really?" He laughed nervously.

"...And I hope you know that's the only reason I'm letting you hold my hand."

"Then..." Shuichi looked into his eyes and grinned. "...I'll be like a girl for you more often, Yuki!" He giggled in a grating falsetto.

Eiri cringed. "Please—no."

Shuichi just continued to smile. He scooted even closer and snuggled.

_What's his deal with holding hands, anyway??_ Eiri wondered. _Isn't it a lot better to have my hands on his..._

But somehow, Shuichi's ridiculous smile was annoyingly soft and...pretty. _Pretty?_ Eiri looked away and then looked back. He felt warm. _Feverish. I must be getting sick._ Yes – yes, Shuichi did look quite...pretty.

Meanwhile, Shuichi's little heart was full to the level of bursting. He wanted so badly to giggle, it hurt to suppress it. _I love doing things that normal couples do. I love loving Yuki and I love Yuki loving me. Heee._

The night was soft now and a sort of dulled rain-cooled warmth permeated the lamp-lit air. The wet scent of farmland mingled with that of the cobblestoned, brick-building enchantment of the old frontier town. The driver said little, and the horse's clopping was quite rhythmic and soothing.

Shuichi yawned. Once again he blinked sleepily and prepared to leave the world behind for one of dreams. And – so conveniently – as he nodded off, his head came to rest on Yuki's shoulder.

_He's faking it again._ Eiri sulked. _I've got to learn how he does that, so **I** can do it to **him**__when I **don't**__want to be around him._

"Unfortunately, things are slow around here tonight," announced the carriage driver. "Normally there is some activity downtown, but I'm afraid everyone is at the big agriculture convention right now," he sighed.

_The...what? Dear lord._

Clop-clop-clop.

"So..." Eiri began a moment later. "Where does this thing go?"

"Normally just around the block a couple of times for your five bucks there. But since business is slow, we can go wherever you want...of course, it might cost a little more," he hinted.

_Damn, but that guy is subtle. Oh, well. Like I can't spare the cash. _"We're traveling and we'd like to find a motel, if you can recommend one."

"Oh yes, yes, certainly," he agreed, turning back around to attend to the reins. "You know," he looked back again, "all the big chain motels are going to be full because of the convention. But there are some nice little privately-owned motels around here that should have vacancies."

Eiri nodded. _Great. I wonder **why** they have vacancies.

* * *

_

"Sir?"

Eiri blinked dazedly. "Nnn..hm?"

"Oh, good, you are awake, then."

A little color came to Eiri's face. He hadn't intended to fall asleep. Neither had he intended to fall asleep _resting atop Shuichi's head._ He quickly pulled away and tried to regain his composure.

"I searched all over to find a motel with a room open," continued the driver, "and all in all it took well over an hour. Normally, my 15-minute fee is..."

_Yeah, yeah, shut up._ Eiri reached in his pocket and handed the man a wad of cash. _He probably took that long on purpose, the bastard..._

The little man voraciously turned his attention to the money.

_Now to wake the brat from la-la land and then get some real sleep._ Eiri supposed he could almost literally feel exhausted rings about his eyes. Had that idiotic fishing incident occurred only that morning?

"Hey, Shu...baka...wake up."

No sound.

"Shuichi." He shook him. "WAKE UP."

A cute sleep-noise: "Naaa..."

Eiri's eye twitched a little. "WAKE UP, DAMMIT! I'm not carrying you! And I couldn't even if I felt like it, because _someone_ has to carry your freaking lead-weight bags of _shit_! You pack like a girl," he huffed.

"Yuki..." Shuichi snuggled into his lap.

Yuki clenched his frustrated fist. "You _are_ awake, aren't you?" he sang. "You little bastard..." he enunciated slowly.

"Carry...me...Yuki."

"Carry this, dumbass." He stood abruptly and allowed Shuichi to fall crashing to the floor of the carriage.

"Owowow..." Shuichi rose, rubbing his head and squinting up at Yuki through one eye. "Are you tryin'...(yawn)...to kill me, Yuki?" he grumbled.

"At least you could pass for sleeping if you were dead," he shrugged. "For being a performer, you're not a very good actor."

Shuichi stumbled out of the carriage after Yuki. The oversized jacket fell off his shoulder in the process. The driver caught sight of his torso, clothed with a more fitted t-shirt. _Oh god...that's not a woman, is it?...

* * *

_

A young lady sat at the computer behind the motel desk. She couldn't have been more than 16. The look on her face clearly stated, "I wish I were not here right now." Ah, the beauty of the family-owned business.

"I need a room, please," Yuki announced.

She looked up. _HELLoo, what's this?_ She smiled. "There's only one room here," she smacked her gum and glanced at his companion, "an' it's a single."

"Er...that's okay," Eiri began. He leaned in to whisper, "Him, carrying all the stuff...he's like my lackey, you see. He sleeps on the floor. Good for 'im."

"Uh...uh-huh," she nodded. Her eyes sparkled and she blinked at him.

"So..."

"Hmm?"

"About that room...?"

"Oh...right." She reluctantly handed him a key. Her eyes followed him as he eased his way out of the office, pink-haired lackey (not bad-looking himself) in tow.

"Yuki--" accused Shuichi. "--what were you whispering about to that girl??"

"Oh, just how I think she has eyes like the sky, and a nice body, and how later tonight I want to sneak out and meet her for a shake in the woods," he replied.

Shuichi raised his hackles and nearly dropped the luggage. "Yuki--!"

Eiri laughed softly and somewhat cruelly. "Have you always been this gullible, or is that cardboard having adverse effects on your brain?"

Shuichi smiled. A little. Then he yawned again.

Eiri, meanwhile, observed the aesthetic qualities of the strip motel...or rather, the lack of them. Weeds grew through the sidewalk cracks and the ancient pale-blue paint on the building was chipping.

He stopped before a greenish-brown door (which really did clash with the powder-colored building). "Thirteen and a half," he announced. He checked the key to make sure he was in the right place.

"...Half?" asked Shuichi. "Really?"

"Really. Don't ask me why."

Eiri turned the key in the lock. (_Keys. Honestly. When will this time-warp be over?_) The door creaked open to reveal...

"Oh. That's why it's 'half,'" Shuichi stated bluntly. "It is half."

Indeed, space in the room appeared to be quite limited. Not quite "closet space beneath the stairs" a la Harry Potter, but definitely smaller than expected, and possibly more poorly decorated than a closet. Faded cow-spotted curtains hung from assorted rings, and an ugly lamp stood lonely in the corner.

"It's the size of a frickin' college dorm," Eiri grumbled as they entered. He was really not used to this at all. But really, at this point he was beyond caring. _If I see one lousy rodent, though, I'll blow its damn head off. _"Set that stuff somewhere." He sat on the bed and removed his shirt. "I'm going to sleep."

"Yuki..." Shuichi sniffled. "What about me?"

"I don't care what you do. Take a shower. You need one. Watch TV. They've probably got four whole channels. Watch the freakin' paint peel off the wall. Just don't wake me up." He rolled over and faced the wall.

"Can I...can I...sleep...too?"

"Why are you asking _me_?"

"Because..." he played with his hair nervously. "You're in the only bed."

"How is it any different from when you leap uninvited into bed at home?"

"It's not, I guess..."

"Then go ahead."

Shuichi smiled and eased under the covers next to him. He snuggled his body up close to Yuki's.

"...But don't even try raping me, you horny little brat. I feel you," Eiri snickered.

Shuichi blushed.

"Maybe in the morning."

"Okay," he giggled. "Oyasumi, Yuki."

"'N."

"...Yuki?"

"What?"

"Did you buy Pocky?"

"Huh? Pocky? I thought you knew...they don't _sell_ Pocky in America. It's a Japanese food."

Shuichi's eyes widened. "Wha...what?" He twitched. "Are you serious?"

"Afraid so."

"Yuki..." he whined mournfully. "Hold me..." He then commenced a whimpering that told Yuki it was going to be a long night.

* * *

A/N: In case you're wondering, Yuki and Shu are okay – their lab tests from the previous incident came back negative. :) They just didn't care enough to remember to go back. LOL. Sorry 'bout the cheesy fluffiness interspersed throughout the chapter. It's so, so difficult to resist sometimes. 

Please Review! Or the toast-breathing dragons shalt have you! (That was random...-.-)


	10. Moo'nlight Shadows

The Off Track

By Aoi Umi

* * *

A/N: Yay! I got this one done quickly. I love holiday break! n.n Ehhh...I guess I'll stop apologizing for writing fluff, as apparently fluff is a very popular thing. So, here goes. By the way...Happy 2005, everyone!

* * *

Chapter 10: Moo'nlight Shadows

"_You fiend! You shall not have Shuichi's hand in marriage! I will not allow it!"_ Valiant knight Eiri Yuki burst upon the scene wielding a fine blade of moon-dipped silver. He rushed to the altar and heroically drew the point to the nose of his vile, scheming enemy. _"Unhand him!"_

The giant robe-clad rodent immediately blinked and made a soft, strangled noise. Demurely, it released Shuichi's hands from its own and then fled in fear.

"_Oh, Yuki!"_ The relieved pink-haired bride rushed to his embrace and shed her (er, his) veil along with sparkling tears of gratitude. _"If you hadn't shown up, I would have become the bride of the awful Count Twitch! Do you know how **scared** I was of our honeymoon?? Oh, Yuki! Yuki! Yuki!..."_

"Yuki! Yuki!! Yuki, wake up!"

Yuki's painful bloodshot eyes snapped open to a desperate, clinging Shuichi bathed in pallid moonlight.

"Yuki! Yukiiii!"

_Wow. That was one fucked-up dream. Mental note: Don't sleep within three hours of eating cardboard. Or don't eat cardboard to begin with._

"Yuuuu—(_gasp_)—kiiiiiiii!!"

"_Shh!_" Yuki growled. "What are you trying to do, wake everyone up from here to Canada?"

"Sorry," Shuichi apologized, looking slightly ashamed. But immediately, he was repossessed by his previous ridiculous panic – it showed in his eyes. He trembled and clung again to Yuki's side.

"_What_ are you doing??"

"Y-Yuki! L-l-look outside!" he pointed behind Yuki's head. "There's something really scary in the window and it's watching us!"

Yuki lowered his eyes (although they had never quite opened all the way to begin with). "Shuichi, don't tell me you woke me up at two o'clock because you're imagining _monsters_. This is way too childish, even for you. Go to sleep before I hurt you."

"No...Yuki! I'm serious! There's something out there, I swear!"

"Uh-huh," Yuki mumbled as he pulled the covers about himself and rolled over to face the window.

Shuichi sat, anxiously watching, with his hands to his mouth in nervous fear.

Yuki's eyes snapped open. He bolted to a sitting position and turned to Shuichi. "What..._is_ that?"

"I don't know, Yuki; that's what I was trying to tell you..." he whined.

Yuki accepted Shuichi into his arms and just stared at the preposterous silhouette outside the window. It wasn't a human...what the hell _was_ it?? "Shuichi...go and see if you brought a flashlight in all that junk."

Shuichi nodded. He reluctantly detached himself from Yuki's embrace and stumbled to his pile of stuff in an urgent panic. Digging through it, he threw several useless objects over his shoulder.

Yuki ducked just in time to avoid a painful encounter with a small stapler that was traveling in his direction. He cringed at the sound that resonated as it made contact with the wall behind him. Next, he was hit in the face with a squishy bath sponge. He was thankful the objects had had such considerate discretion, all things considered.

"Yuki, I can't find my flashlight!" Shuichi fretted in a strained whisper.

"You mean this?" Yuki carefully dislodged a fuzzy green object from between the bed's pillows.

"Oh! Yeah, that's it." Shuichi leapt back onto the bed and seized it.

"Why is it _fuzzy_?"

"Why not?"

"_Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..._"

The two of them stopped dead.

"Yu-Yuki?" Shuichi, deliberately not looking toward the window, clutched the flashlight in one hand and fumbled for Yuki's arms with the other. Once he found them, he drew himself into their safety again.

Yuki instead stared _at_ the window and tried to identify the figure and probable source of the noise.

"Yuki, this motel is _haunted_ and we're going to _die_!! Or else we'll get cursed and be robbed of our souls and forced to live the rest of our lives as slaves to the creatures of the undead world!! I don't want to say goodbye, Yuki! I don't want --"

"Will you _shut up_?!" Yuki snapped. "What kind of a man _are_ you? If I ever catch you watching a horror film again, remind me to pull the TV's plug out of the outlet and smack you with it."

Shuichi sniffled.

Yuki somewhat regretted this harshness as he felt a small tremble from the body in his arms. _Oh god, is he going to cry?_

"_Mrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..._"

"Give me that." Yuki snatched the flashlight from Shuichi and switched it on. He shone the beam of light out the window to show once and for all that the figure outside was not a ghost, but...

Shuichi opened one eye and ventured a look. He slowly opened the other and pulled his face out of Yuki's chest in order to get a clearer view. "Is that...?"

"There's your 'ghost,' idiot."

"Haha! A cow! That's pretty funny, right, Yuki?" Shuichi chattered, brightening and returning to his usual insufferably perky self. "What's it doing looking in our window?"

"It probably has some mad desire to mate with you," Yuki mused teasingly.

"What?? Yuki, eww!"

Meanwhile, the cow finally got around to noticing that an intensely focused beam of light was burning into its eyes. It blinked as furiously as cow eyelids allow, and tried to turn away. But after Yuki removed the light, it returned to its post and insisted upon staring into the little motel room.

Shuichi leaned back into Yuki nervously. "Why won't it go away, Yuki?"

"I don't know! What, do you want me to open the window and kick it or something?"

"No! I just..."

"Then what do you want me to do about it?"

"I don't know..."

Yuki forcefully drew the shades closed. "There."

"It's still outside...it's creepy," Shuichi whined.

Yuki was growing impatient. "I thought you liked cows."

"I do, but..."

"Go to sleep," said Yuki as he pulled the covers around himself and rolled over.

Shuichi nodded defeatedly. He sat, blinking in the dark, thinking about how very un-sleepy he was. He decided that he needed to use the bathroom.

When he was finished a minute later, he realized how completely dark it was now that the shades were drawn. He couldn't see _anything._ He stumbled in the general direction of the bed, but apparently miscalculated its exact location, for he bumped into its side and fell awkwardly onto it.

"Ow!"

"I'm sorry, Yuki," Shuichi hurried to apologize. He hesitated to get off, though. He found that he was breathing somewhat heavily from the shock of falling.

These warm breaths tickled Eiri's ear. As much as he wanted to dismiss them as an annoyance, they insisted instead upon becoming the opposite – an irresistible turn-on. He shuddered almost imperceptibly. _Damn_ those sensitive ears. He turned his head deliberately and very softly pecked Shuichi on the lips.

Shuichi was stunned. He didn't question it, however, and very happily kissed back. "Yuki..." He abandoned the use of all the muscles that had been supporting him and fell completely. The soft 'thump' of his landing was mirrored by another in his chest. He felt Yuki's strong hands upon him and released a small gasp of excitement.

"Unn..."

As he lay there in blissful abandon and allowed Yuki to have his usual marvelous way, something inside of Shuichi unexpectedly snapped. Inexplicably, it drove him to turn right around and give everything back, only double.

This took Yuki by surprise. Shuichi was certainly feeling...forceful. He would have laughed at Shuichi's clumsiness, but with a sudden well-deployed touch, he momentarily lost all sense of reality and fell a little bit.

Now Shuichi had the upper hand. He panted and looked down at Yuki's face. His eyes had gotten used to the dark by now.

And then...he blinked like a kitten that had killed a mouse and didn't know what to do with it.

Yuki smiled sharply with sarcastic indulgence. Through his challenging eyes, he dared Shuichi to make another move.

Shuichi smiled, too, deciding in that moment that he was going to blow his lover away. "If you're going to keep acting like my sulky captive on this whole trip," he breathed, "I really _am_ gonna make sure you don't go anywhere."

"Bold words." Yuki raised an eyebrow. "Let's see what you've got, loverboy." He lay back and waited.

"_Mrrrrrrrrrrrrr..._"

Shuichi stopped. He paled with an awkward realization. "The cow...it's still there."

Yuki laughed. "Too bad – if it's hearing any of this, it's going to be disappointed in you."

Shuichi stared defiantly into his eyes. "Oh, yeah?"

Yuki just continued to lie there smugly.

"Here I come, Yuki...! Nn...n...nnhhh!"

* * *

Eiri Yuki blinked groggily. It was still quite dark in the room, but now there was a halo of sunshine begging to pierce the spotted curtains. Suddenly his head throbbed immensely. "Ow..." he muttered. _Maybe if I go back to sleep, it will go away._

Sleep was not an option, however, as the novelist's head relentlessly begged and screamed for aspirin. Although he was lying still, it hurt more and more with each successive throb.

There was nothing to do but grumpily stumble out of bed and ravage the room for a bottle of that miracle drug. Of course, this meant disturbing the sleeping Shuichi. Eiri considered this, but barely. Sacrifices must be made, after all.

"Haa...hm? Yu...ki?" Shuichi yawned, not quite awake, and turned over to see why his darling was leaving that warm, cozy bed. Just enough light streamed into the room for Shuichi to be able to see that Yuki was looking for something.

"Dammit...! Where is that aspirin?" Yuki overturned a few bags impatiently. Then he heard a loud yawn, which informed him that Shuichi had rejoined the land of the waking. He wasted no time in greeting his lover to the new day: "Shuichi, do you have any fucking aspirin??"

Shuichi twisted himself in the blanket and flopped over so that he lay on his back, perpendicular to the bed's orientation. He watched Yuki upside-down. "Aspirin? I don't think so. (_Yawn_.) I don't know. Why?"

"Because I have a _headache_. Another one besides you, I mean. A real one."

"Haha...you're so...(_yawn_) funny, Yuki."

"That doesn't do me any good when my skull is threatening to split into five pieces."

Shuichi smiled cattishly. "Could it be because I was _that good_ nyaa?" he sang.

"No. It's because of the injury from yesterday. _You_ were terrible."

"What??" Shuichi fully awakened and tried to leap up indignantly. But he had worked himself into such a cocoon of blanket that he was unable to move, and instead he fell out of the bed headfirst with a _thunk_. "Oww..." His eyes became swirls. "Now I need aspirin for my head, too..." he whined dizzily.

"Then by all means, get up and help me navigate through this veritable _landfill_ of your junk. Maybe we'll find some."

"Veri..what? Yuki, you shouldn't use such big words when your head is hurting. And especially not when mine is. Ow."

"_You_ shouldn't even bother thinking with a headache. Get up."

Shuichi would have nodded, but his head was sort of tied up at the moment, supporting his neck and his body in a very uncomfortable vertical position. He gave a "thumbs-up" instead. (Or "thumbs-down," depending on your perspective.) He struggled a bit and attempted to remove himself from the blanket, but it was no use. "Um...Yuki?"

"What?"

"I can't get up. I'm...stuck."

"Stuck?"

"Uh...yeah. I'm stuck inside the blanket." His face flushed a little. He knew that he must've looked very stupid.

Yuki turned around and looked. "Well, isn't that cute," he teased. "Is Shu-chan going to turn into a beautiful butterfly and float away, across the sky and over the rainbow, never to be seen again?"

Shuichi sulked. "Yuki! Help me!!" He thrashed about wildly.

Yuki looked down at him with mock sympathy. "I can't believe you're the same man who (_bleep bleep bleep bleep_) me last night," he said casually.

Shuichi stopped, eyes beady and mouth very small. He turned quite red.

Yuki took pity on him and grasped the end of the blanket. Lifting it high, he caused the blanket to spin open, and Shuichi fell to the bed with a soft bounce. There he sat, hands resting in front of him, and blinked. "Ohh, Yuki!" He attacked Yuki gratefully. "I'm alive! I'm alive! Isn't life great? I'm alive!"

"Yes, life can be something marvelous when one is not being assaulted by both a headache of supernatural proportions and a psychotic pink caterpillar."

"I'm not a caterpillar!"

"Oh, pardon me. You can't dispute the 'psychotic' part, though." He parted the shades halfway and light permeated the room.

Shuichi blinked. "I'm not psychotic!"

"What are you, then?"

"I'm..." Shuichi paused and considered this. He thought back to what Yuki had called him. "I'm...pink? Yeah, I guess so. My hair is, at least," he agreed. He looked up and smiled. "You're being so nice to me, Yuki! That was only two-thirds of an insult!"

Yuki rolled his eyes. But smiled. A little. Something about Shuichi's logic was actually almost charming. Almost. "Now get off of me and help me find that aspirin before I give you a _worse_ headache."

Shuichi nodded.

Yuki was the one who ended up locating a bottle of the medicine, however. He was surprised that he even had any left after what he had already endured on this trip. He opened the bottle to find that there was only one tablet remaining.

Shuichi leaned over his shoulder and peeked into the bottle. "It's okay, Yuki...you take it. I'm still sorry about yesterday and the boat thing, you know..." he smiled sheepishly and stood on his tiptoes to kiss Yuki lightly on the head.

Yuki was a little flustered by this rather silly gesture. He was grateful that he didn't have to deal with it, however, as Shuichi left to gather some clothes and headed toward the bathroom.

"I'm taking a shower, Yuki," he announced.

"Okay."

Shuichi peeked his head out the door. "Oh...Yuki?"

"Hmm?" he replied after downing the aspirin.

"I'm hungry. What are we eating for breakfast?"

"I don't know. Why is it up to me? What do _you_ want for breakfast?"

Shuichi thought for a moment. Then his eyes lit up spectacularly. "Yuki...I want...pancakes! Can we go out for pancakes?" he pleaded childishly.

"Sure. Whatever."

"Yay!" Shuichi squealed as he shut the door behind him. Then, a muffled exclamation came through the wall: "Hey! There's a cow-spotted shower curtain, too! Hahaha!"

Yuki smiled a little and lay back on the bed, propping his head with pillows and switching on the television. But he soon switched it back off and just rested. Perhaps it was because of his headache, or because there was nothing good on TV, but it might have had a little to do with the fact that Shuichi's pure, joyful singing resounded happily throughout the room. Maybe.

* * *

Ahem. Phantom cows do not appreciate non-reviewers. Please do bear this in mind.


	11. Would You Like Sugar With That?

The Off Track

by Aoi Umi

* * *

Chapter 11: "Would You Like Sugar With That?"

_That ceiling is ugly, _thought Yuki as he lay waiting for his turn in the shower. _Why bother making patterned ceilings? Who actually looks at them?_ Then he closed his eyes and cursed the fact that _he_ was indeed looking at it, and even critiquing it as well.

Lying there stiffly, he wondered just how long it was supposed to take for aspirin to take effect. His head was still throbbing immensely. If only that headache would go away...

"YUKI!" Shuichi burst loudly out of the bathroom.

Yuki cringed.

"Oh..." Shuichi whispered apologetically. "Sorry. Is your head feeling better, Yuki?" he inquired, trotting over to his side.

"No. And you're not helping."

"Hey!" Shuichi took a bit of offense. "I said I was sorry! I forgot, Yuki...really!"

"Hmn," Yuki mumbled and turned away.

"Yuki! Come on," Shuichi pleaded. "Get up and take a shower so we can go out for breakfast! I wanna eat pancakes..."

"You didn't forget about that, though, I see?"

"Well..." Shuichi admitted. "No." Then he leaned over and clung to Yuki's shoulder. "Please, Yuki? A promise is a promise."

"Promise? Who said it was a promise? As I recall, it was something more like 'whatever.'"

"Grr...Yuki!" Shuichi leapt playfully on top of him.

"Ow! Are you trying to turn _me_ into a pancake?"

Shuichi smiled. "Maaayyybe."

"Your hair smells like strawberry bubblegum," Yuki commented dryly.

"Thanks!" Shuichi grinned. "It's my new shampoo! You like it?"

"Actually, it makes me feel like a pedophile or something," he grumbled, gently pushing Shuichi aside and getting off the bed. "Did it have to be _bubblegum_?"

Shuichi just coyly looked after Yuki, who gathered his stuff and entered the bathroom.

Shuichi sat alone on the bed. Now what to do? He decided to take the foremost option of watching the television. But there were only six channels (_Yuki wasn't far off_, he thought), and besides, it was all in English. For a few minutes, he entertained himself by watching a pre-school cartoon. _Hey! I know some of these words_. _I'm not as dumb as Yuki thinks..._

Shuichi, having an attention span to rival that of the most capricious pre-schooler, soon grew bored with this, however, and turned the TV off again. He looked up. _Hey, that pattern on the ceiling looks kind of like an airplane. And there's some ice cream next to it, and a walrus!_

Shuichi sighed. Waiting for Yuki was no fun, even granted that Yuki didn't take as long getting ready as he did. He decided to look out the window. It was bright and sunny now, and he couldn't wait to go out. About a hundred yards out from the back of the motel was a fence, and behind it was a small herd of cows. Shuichi wondered how the cow from last night had escaped. _Maybe it was a **ghost cow**_, he concluded. _So maybe I was right after all...Well, Yuki won't believe me, anyway._

Meanwhile, Eiri grabbed a towel and stepped out of the steaming shower to be greeted with a message on the foggy mirror. "_I LOVE_," read part of it. _How cliché_, he smirked. The other part couldn't be read until he adjusted his viewing angle. "_PANCAKES_."

"_I love pancakes"?_ He was a little surprised, and maybe even somewhat, on an unacknowledged level, slightly irked. _That brat..._

He dried off, got dressed, and opened the door. "Okay," he announced with badly faked enthusiasm. "Let's go eat _pancakes_."

Shuichi leapt away from the hats he had been making from the motel's complimentary pad of paper and took Yuki's arm. "Yay!"

"Don't wear that." He lightly flipped a paper hat off of Shuichi's head and it fluttered to the floor.

Shuichi covered his head with mild reproach. "Yuki, you messed up my hair!" he complained.

"'Looks sexier now."

"Really?"

"No."

* * *

A broad grin swept Shuichi's face as he inhaled the morning air. It was a beautiful, sun-soaked day. The radiant sky matched his bright yellow shirt. Unlike last night, there were actually some people around, going about their errands and watering their lawns. Life felt great. 

He leapt about joyfully. When he came upon a flower garden's low retaining wall, he stepped on top of it and turned his walk into a balancing act. When he came to the end, he leapt down again and seized a stick. Coming up on the right was an iron fence.

"I've seen kids do this on TV and I've always wanted to do it!" he laughed as he ran up to the fence and shoved the stick against it. He ran along and let it trail a rapid, hollow "thunk-thunk-thunk-thunk" sound behind him.

Yuki, meanwhile, did his best to pretend he didn't exist. Yuki was also grateful for the sunniness of this particular day. But more for the reason that it gave him an excuse to wear sunglasses without looking suspicious.

"..thunk-thunk-thunk-thunk-thunk..."

_Ignore it...Ignore it..._

"...thunk-thunk-thunk-thunk-THN—"

Yuki grabbed him by the other arm and pulled him away. "Stop," he commanded, looking over his sunglasses seriously. _Here I am, being his mother again_, he regretted distastefully.

Shuichi nodded and dropped the stick. He placed his hand behind his head embarrassedly. "Sorry, Yuki. I just get really carried away sometimes. Heh!"

"So I've noticed."

"Sorry." He softly linked arms with Yuki and walked with him, side-by-side and very cuddlishly.

Yuki sweated a little. He became conscious of a few subtle stares. It was odd that they were getting _more_ stares now than when Shuichi had been acting like a five-year-old child. _People. Oh, well. Fuck 'em_, he thought as he adjusted his sunglasses and walked on.

* * *

"Look, Yuki! Looklooklooklook!" Shuichi pointed in a hyper-electric, feverish manner. Directly across the street was the biggest restaurant sign he had ever seen outside of Tokyo. It depicted – you guessed it – a three-story stack of pancakes. 

"'Penelope's Pancake Paranoia,'" Yuki read unemotionally. "'All Pancakes, All the Time, Since 1955.'"

Shuichi stared with rapturous reverence. As he and Yuki crossed the street, his eyes slipped out of focus and he uttered a soft sound of blissful longing.

"'We do not serve pets,'" Yuki continued reading. "I guess that means you'll have to stay outside, then, until you wipe that stupid drool off your face," he said, turning to Shuichi. "...Right, Brat? Are you listening?"

Shuichi seemed to have fallen out of a normal state of consciousness. He lost his ability to balance and slowly fell against Yuki's side, breathing irregularly.

Yuki, irritated, gave him a shove. "Wake up, stupid. We're here. This is what you've been wanting, isn't it?"

Shuichi blinked. "Ohh, Yuki," he fawned, starry-eyed. "You don't know how happy I am right now..." he said as if in a dream.

Yuki snickered. "When you put it that way, I don't _want_ to know..."

Shuichi grasped Yuki's hand and pulled him into the restaurant. The bell above the door jingled merrily, and a waitress walked over. "Good morning, sirs. Two?"

Shuichi nodded. ("Two" had been one of the words from the television program that morning. Had he not been so enraptured in the thought of pancakes, he would have made a point to feel smart in that moment.)

"Smoking or Non?" She indicated the signs.

"Smoking," Eiri hurried.

Shuichi shot him a glare. "OHH no, you're not smoking while we eat pancakes, Yuki!" he said loudly in Japanese. Many people stared. Shuichi blushed and decided to be a little quieter from now on.

After they had sat down, Yuki put a cigarette in his mouth and brought out his lighter. But without warning, Shuichi reached over the table and confiscated it.

"What do you think you're doing?" Yuki mumbled through the unlit cigarette.

Shuichi was defiant. "Please, don't."

"Hey," replied Yuki testily. "I didn't smoke_ at_ _all_ yesterday, and it about killed me. Do you _want_ to see me more irritable than I already am?"

Shuichi sulked, but, realizing that it was clearly up to him to keep peace and ensure this would be a pleasant experience, he brightened again. He tossed the lighter on the table and picked up a menu. "Oooh, look at all the different kinds of pancakes, Yuki!" He pointed to the pictures.

"Yes, very nice." Yuki was preoccupied with lighting his cigarette.

Shuichi stared at the menu. A moment passed until he realized... "Um, Yuki? C-can you read this to me?" He meekly shoved the menu across the table.

"Not when it's upside-down, I can't," he replied.

Shuichi turned it around.

"Let's see... 'Breakfast served 24 hours a day; ask about our other menus...Parties of 8 or more, please add 20 percent gratuity...'" Yuki read off, translating.

"Not that!" Shuichi protested. "The pancakes! Read about the pancakes." He jabbed his finger at the listing of pancakes.

"Let's see...they have Regular, Buttermilk, Strawberry, Raspberry, Blueberry, Mango, Kiwi, Coconut, Sweet Chocolate, Semi-sweet chocolate, German Chocolate, Caramel, Butterscotch..."

Shuichi's eyes widened with every item on the list.

("Couldn't you just look at the pictures?"

"It's delicious to hear you say them, though!"

"Hmph.")

"...Cocoa Malt, Vanilla Butter, French Vanilla, Bubblegum, Malted Mint (Malted Mint?), Banana, Apple, Pear, Pomegranate, Peach, Cotton Candy, Lemon, Watermelon..."

Drool formed at the corner of Shuichi's mouth.

"It's like a fucking ice cream parlor," Eiri muttered to himself. "Ridiculous." He continued: "...Coffee, Mocha, Orange Crush, Tapioca..." He wasn't sure if Shuichi was even listening at this point. "...Earwax..." he made up. "...Pocky..."

Shuichi's ears perked up and he lifted his head out of a puddle of drool. "Pocky? Which flavor? Do they really have Pocky flavor?" he gasped.

Yuki looked at him. Pathetic. It was almost a shame to inform him that had been a lie. Almost. "I lied," he stated.

"Aww...Pocky-flavored pancakes would have been so much fun," Shuichi mourned wistfully.

Yuki was about to point out that Pocky and pancake toppings were each simply variations of unhealthy, sugar-laden foods created from the same artificial flavors...but by now, Shuichi was absorbed in the menu, embarking upon the ever-challenging quest of making a decision.

Good thing there was a whole pack of cigarettes to smoke.

Yuki lifted a menu himself and breezed over it. Toast, eggs, and bacon. With coffee. It was settled.

"What should I get, Yuki?" Shuichi whined.

"I dunno," he responded in a tone indicating that he didn't really care, either. "Pancakes, right?"

"There are so many..."

Eiri decided NOT to read to him the part of the menu stating that these flavors could be ordered in any combination. The permutations could be endless, unlike his patience or cigarettes.

"Hmm..." Shuichi thought aloud. "I love strawberry stuff...but chocolate sounds really good...mm, German chocolate...or Pomegranate, or even Malted Mint..."

Yuki cringed slightly. He sincerely hoped that he wouldn't have to see or smell a plate of Malted Mint pancakes. But it _would_ be better than Earwax, he supposed.

"Okay, it's down to Malted Mint or Cotton Candy," Shuichi announced. "What do you think, Yuki?"

"I think you have...um...unparalleled taste," he replied quite _dis_tastefully.

"Thanks. I think. But which one should I get?"

"I don't care. Pick one, because I think a waitress is coming."

A middle-aged woman approached the table. "Good morning, 'fellas. What would you like this morning?" she spieled mechanically.

Eiri began. "Toast, eggs over easy, and bacon. And coffee, please."

The waitress scribbled and turned to Shuichi. "And you, sir?"

"Minto Pancake..." he fell silent. "Please."

Yuki raised an eyebrow after the waitress left. "I think that's the longest thought I've ever heard you complete in English. She actually understood it," he said. "Congratulations," he added with a hint of light sarcasm.

Shuichi smiled. "Someday I'll learn English, just so you stop making fun of me," he declared.

"It wouldn't be so funny if it hadn't been _your_ idea to take a trip to the heart of America," Yuki pointed out.

"Haha...true," Shuichi conceded. He turned a little red and laughed at himself.

Yuki couldn't help but observe that Shuichi was a little cute in that moment. (Almost certainly much cuter than he would be in ten minutes' time, with a face full of dripping, buttery sugar.) He smiled a small amount while his boyfriend's eyes were still mirthfully closed.

The waitress hurried over, distraught. "I'm so sorry," she apologized. "Our mixer just broke, so we can't make any pancakes right now. Would you like to change your order?"

Yuki absorbed this information and a different sort of smile emerged. _Don't you just love irony in the morning?_ he thought. _Now I have to break it to Shuichi_..._the poor brat_._ And damn_...he had an afterthought. _I could have ordered him some orange juice to go with those mint pancakes. That would have been fun_.

* * *

"Waaaahhhh, Yuki!" Shuichi wailed after they had exited the restaurant. "I wanted pancakes..." he sniffled. 

"Yes, yes, I know," Yuki answered impatiently. He offered an arm around Shuichi's shoulders for comfort. But more for the sake of getting him to shut up. _At least he waited until we were outside_...

Shuichi drew Yuki's arm near and used the end of the sleeve to wipe his face. Yuki cringed a bit. Then suddenly, Shuichi's eyes brightened and a smile came full-circle back to his teary face. "Yuki..." he began. His excitement was building. "...Let's go in there!"

Yuki looked at the indicated place. A pet shop. "Ohh, no. Definitely not. Haven't you had enough of animals lately? The mice, the cow...We are NOT going in there." But when he looked over, Shuichi was gone.

Yuki gritted his teeth and his hands tensed into fists. _Why?_ he asked himself. _Even if I try to be nice, there is not going to be a single halfway-decent day on this trip_._ Goddammit.

* * *

_

The bell jingled and the shop owner looked up to see a tall, darkly-dressed figure standing in the doorway. His stance was very firm and it conveyed a strong air of purpose and resolve. The owner feared a little bit what this man might do.

"Shuichi," Eiri called. "Brat. I know you're in here. Come on; we're leaving."

Getting no response, he strode into the shop to find him. His shadow fell over rows of shelves containing gerbil pellets, cat litter, fuzz toys, and the like.

The shop owner just followed the foreign-tongued stranger with his eyes over the top of his magazine.

Yuki heard giggling from the back of the store. It was Shuichi's giggling, no mistake. "Heehee, that tickles. St-Stop..."

_Huh? He can tickle a hamster, but what kind of animal would be tickling **him**?_

"That feels weird, Rosalyn."

_Rosalyn?_

"Aahhhaahaaa...you're _so_ cute..."

Yuki's eye twitched a little. He turned a corner and...

"Oh, hi, Yuki." Shuichi stared at him with an innocent delight that seemed inappropriate for one whose body was completely in the grip of something long, black, and scaly.

"What...the hell...is that?" Yuki tried not to let any of his fear show through, but it still betrayed him.

"It's Rosalyn. She's a...well, I don't know. I can't read the sign. But isn't she cute?" Shuichi advanced and held out the snake's head to initiate a proper introduction.

Yuki retreated backwards to avoid anything of the sort. "How do you know her name is Rosalyn, then?"

"Oh! See, look, there's this neat sign over here that spells it out in a ton of different languages."

"But it doesn't say _what kind_ of snake it is?"

Shuichi shrugged. "I dunno. 'Don't think so."

Eiri carefully eased toward the sign, not taking his eyes off Shuichi and the snake. Half the sign was covered by the frond of some type of large plant. He pushed it out of the way and read: "Although it is not poisonous, this snake has an exceptionally strong grip and should be handled only by experts."

"Shuichi! Get that thing off of you!" Eiri warned urgently.

"What?"

"The snake! Idiot! Do you want it to hurt you?"

"No, but—ow! Owowowowow_ow_! Yuki!"

Yuki gritted his teeth. Shuichi lent new meaning to the term "animal magnetism." Why the _hell_ did he have to have such a knack for getting into these stupid, unthinkable situations?

However, it was up to Yuki right then to protect him. Wanting at all costs to avoid touching the snake, he grabbed the nearest useful item – a segment of plastic hamster habitat tubing – and struck the snake on the head.

The snake recoiled and loosened its grip a little. Meanwhile, Shuichi tried desperately to shake the snake off of his arm. Yuki struck another blow, but this time, the snake attacked as well, and its head became lodged in the plastic tube. It flailed and fell to the ground. Shuichi jumped back.

"You're my hero!" Shuichi declared lovingly as he ran to Yuki's side and clutched his arm.

"Um." Yuki turned around and proceeded toward the exit. "That was possibly the weirdest thing I've ever done. That is...non-sexual thing. Let's pretend that never happened."

* * *

Back in the motel room, Shuichi sat on the edge of the bed, swinging his feet a little while Yuki looked more closely at his arm to ensure it wasn't injured. 

"So can we go camping now, Yuki?" he bubbled. "For real, with a tent and stuff?"

Yuki stared in disbelief. "You can't even survive in a _hospital_ or a _store_. What makes you think you can take on the forces of nature and the hordes of dangerous animals in the wild?"

Shuichi laughed. "Well, when you put it that way, it's kind of funny, isn't it?"

"Ha ha," Eiri mocked.

Shuichi clenched his fist and leapt into a daring stance. "Let's take on the elements, Yuki! Just you and me and a stick in case things get really bad. Yeah!"

"Hmph," he replied. "...and a computer and a TV and a blender and a coffee machine and a heated blanket and chairs and an alarm clock; am I right?"

Shuichi laughed again. "Well, those can come too, I guess. But really," he softened. "As long as you're there, Yuki, I know I'll be okay," he continued earnestly. "I'll mostly be able to protect myself, but if I'm not, I know you'll always help me out because you love me. Right?"

"That snake thing was because I didn't feel like seeing anyone's arm squeezed into bloody segments right after breakfast."

Shuichi smiled and giggled. "Come on." He got on the floor and knelt cutely in front of Yuki. He tilted his head and leaned closer up to Yuki's face. "That's a good reason, but that's not why."

"Your hair _still_ smells like bubblegum," Yuki diverted the subject.

Shuichi was now at very close proximity. "You smell like cigarettes." He leaned up until their faces were nearly touching. "But I don't mind." He brought his lips closer and closer... But at the last second, he quickly jolted away and rubbed his nose against Yuki's. "Eskimo kissu!" he hooted as he leapt elusively from Yuki's arms and bounced off the walls.

"You brat."

"Hee hee hee." Shuichi alighted next to him and pecked him on the cheek. He settled down, hands on the edge of the bed between his knees, and leaned on Yuki's shoulder. "Come on, say it."

"Say what?"

"What do you think? What do I love the most in the world?" Shuichi sang softly.

Yuki thought about it. Was this a trick question? He thought back to that morning. Finally, he decided upon saying: "I, uh...promise we'll get pancakes soon. Today, if you want. For...for dinner." He muttered this last part with a detectable amount of repugnance.

Shuichi smiled. It wasn't the answer he'd been hoping for, but he really did appreciate it. Knowing Yuki, it had been just as difficult for him to make such a promise as it would have been for him to say "I love you." He hugged Yuki and fell halfway on top of him on the bed. "My Yuki pancake..." he trilled songishly. Then he flopped over and lay on his back beside him.

There they lay for quite a long while in silence, each staring at the ceiling, absorbed in thought. Their linked arms prevented their thoughts from straying too far.

* * *

Notes:

By the way: Some people might like mint-flavored pancakes. I don't know; do they make them? I pretty much made that up. I just think it sounds disgusting, personally. :laughs:


	12. Nyaaande Ore?

The Off Track

By Aoi Umi

* * *

A/N: Waagggh, don't shoot me. I've been very busy lately. I attended my first con between now and my last update. (I went as Shuichi – hehe.) My stone-age relic of a laptop also crashed on me, so I was forced to write part of this in the most basic DOS editor. Blue screen, blocky letters, lack of word-wrap technology. That sort of god-awful thing. But nevertheless, I _am_ still writing this fic and I plan to continue, however slow the going...goes. Man, I need sleep. x.x On with the story. And my apparent animal obsession. Don't ask me; I don't know.

* * *

Chapter 12: "Nyaaande Ore?"

"Wait a minute." Eiri looked up from the brochure he'd been idly reading and re-reading while waiting for Shuichi to pick out camping equipment. "How the hell do you expect we're going to carry all of this?"

"Um." Shuichi set a blue electric lantern back on a shelf. "Heh. I don't know. Maybe if we still had our car..."

Eiri's eyes shot open. He had completely forgotten about that dumb, lavender hunk of metal by now. Not that he particularly cared about it, but it was a rental and he'd eventually have to return it and... "Dammit, we have to find that thing. Leave that stuff here and come with me."

"But Yuki, the sale on bug-repellant boxers ends in two hours..." he whined.

Yuki stared. His stare turned quickly to a glare. "Buy those and I'll _also _have to worry about finding a hearse in which to carry your _dead ass_."

Shuichi sighed, nodded, and returned his merchandise to the shelves. He trotted out of the store to meet Yuki on the sidewalk in front. He waited for Yuki to lead on, but Yuki led nowhere.

"There's a gas station over there, but then remains the difficult part," Eiri admitted. "How are we going to get a ride back out there?"

"We could walk?" Shuichi suggested.

"Are you kidding me? Why the _hell_ would we want to walk that far?"

"'Dunno." Shuichi put his hands behind his head thoughtfully. "Wouldn't it be nice just to walk together, beneath the open sky, with nothing to do except talk to each other?"

"..." Yuki gave an odd stare.

"...Okay," Shuichi conceded. "_You_ probably don't think so. It was just an idea," he sighed.

"Then stop having ideas, moron."

"Hey," Shuichi prickled. "You _asked_."

"Don't you recognize a rhetorical question when you hear it?"

"'Rhetor...ical?' What's that? Some kind of bird?" Shuichi glanced at the sky, shielding the sun with his hand.

Eiri tried to contain the frustration that had been building up from the sheer stupidity he'd been forced to put up with today. He turned and began to cross the street. Shuichi brought his gaze back down from the sky, blinked, and trotted after him.

* * *

"Cars are so much trouble," Eiri grumbled as he lugged a container of gasoline down the street. "I don't know why anyone bothers to drive them outside of a city, where there's a gas station every five blocks." 

Shuichi rolled his eyes. "Maybe because they want to get _away_ from a place where there are gas stations every five blocks," he replied, uncharacteristically carrying a valid point.

"Why am _I_ carrying this, anyway?" Yuki changed the subject. He dumped the container on Shuichi.

"Gee, thanks, Yuki. You're awfully grumpy today. I mean, I know this is a day that was _supposed_ to be started off with pancakes, and wasn't, and I know how upsetting that can be, but still..."

Yuki ignored his comment (which was ludicrously off-base anyway) and lit a cigarette.

"You really need to stop that, Yuki. Even if you don't care that you die, think about how sad it's gonna make me someday..."

He also ignored this comment. Although it held quite a bit of truth, this, in fact, for Eiri, made it easier to ignore.

"Man, this gasoline really is heavy..nngh," Shuichi chattered, not particularly complaining, but just making conversation. "I guess we can forget walking, anyway...right?...Yuki, why won't you say anything?"

"Do we have to have a conversation every waking moment of our lives?" Yuki spat uncontrollably, and unexpectedly. "It's been like this for...I don't know how many days now. I can't take much more of this 'vacation' thing. Just...shut up."

Shuichi complied, taken aback. After a moment, he ventured quietly, "I'm sorry, Yuki. I thought you were becoming okay with it. I mean, I even thought you might be having a little fun. I mean, I don't know why I'd think that, but..." He realized that he must've been being annoying still, and fell silent.

Eiri glanced (almost) reproachfully in his direction, but quickly stopped himself and continued stubbornly looking ahead.

They walked for a bit until they reached a busy road leading out of town. They hitched a ride without incident, which was in itself highly unusual and slightly unsettling. Shuichi remained silent and compliant until they arrived at the place where they had left the vehicle. And they departed from the generous man who had given them a ride. Yes, with no embarrassing clumsiness, no random exclamations in Japanese, no uncomfortable displays of homosexual affection.

And it pissed Yuki off. Ostensibly, this was because Shuichi _now_ displayed the capacity to behave. So he obviously _could have_ before, and _didn't_? However, that wasn't it. He couldn't admit it to himself. He wouldn't. But _this_ Shuichi annoyed him more than the Shuichi to whom he was accustomed.

Then he spotted something upsetting. It wasn't quite as upsetting as it should have been, since it actually, thankfully, gave him an excuse to speak. "You idiot!" He addressed Shuichi. "Why did you leave the window partially down, especially _during a storm_?"

"Sorry," said Shuichi casually. And he really sounded sorry, but not spastic or overly repentant, leaving nothing left for Eiri to criticize. And besides, aside from still being a little damp, the seat was not damaged.

Shuichi dragged the gas container to the other side of the car and unscrewed the cap. He poured in the gas quite competently, much to Eiri's surprise and well-concealed displeasure.

Wordlessly, Eiri sat in the driver's seat and Shuichi stepped into the back. As Eiri started the car, he glanced irritably in the rearview mirror to see Shuichi sitting, arm resting on his face, staring calmly out the window. He looked...distant. Eiri knew, or at least supposed, that the reason Shuichi was sitting in the back was that the passenger's seat was still wet. But he couldn't help the nagging, irrepressible feeling of having been betrayed or ignored in some way. _Dammit. This is crap_, he told himself. _Just drive._

And so he drove. He switched on the radio and some bland, crappy song filled the car, but he wasn't listening anyway.

Shuichi reached a hand into the front. _Ha. He's going to grab my arm and whine, and I'll tell him to knock it off._ But it was only to turn the dial in abhorrence of that terrible song. Then Shuichi sat back and entertained himself by thumbing through a manga he had found on the floor.

Eiri decided that he was simply not going to care. _Care? Care about what? There's nothing to care about._

"Nyaa."

Eiri perked up in spite of himself. He turned around, but then realized that Shuichi wasn't the one who had made the noise. Shuichi looked just as mystified.

Shuichi reached a hand beneath the seat and pulled out...a kitten? And another. And another. There were five of them in all. Then their mother awoke and crawled out after them, alarmed.

"Yuki. There are six cats in here," Shuichi stated bluntly.

Eiri sighed. "Great. Too many to feed, and not enough to make a worthwhile profit at the violin factory."

"Yuki! That's horrible!" Shuichi screeched indignantly.

Eiri internally smiled. Shuichi had never held a grudge for very long. Things seemed right again. Well, things with Shuichi seemed right. Not the live animal situation. "Idiot. I was kidding."

"Well, how can I ever tell from that serious look of yours? You could smile or something."

_I did,_ thought Eiri. _Well, I guess not._ It was easy to keep things inside, but it was often difficult to distinguish between what he had kept inside and what he had actually shown. "You already smile ridiculously enough for both of us. Just think, if I smiled, there'd be an overload and something catastrophic could happen, like an explosion or...something."

Shuichi narrowed his eyes. "Is that _really_ why you don't smile? Because you _know_ that doesn't make any sense. I—whoa! Owwowow...get off me, kitty!"

Eiri smirked. "There. Was that enough of a smile to meet your ridiculous expectations?" he asked.

"That wasn't a smile," Shuichi replied. He crossed his arms. "That was a smirk. I know the diff–Yaaaah! Kitty-cat, please don't use claws! I'm not gonna hurt your babies. Here, you can have him...it...back! Waaaahhghghh..."

* * *

"Out. Now. All of them," Eiri instructed after the vehicle had come to a stop at the motel. 

"But Yuki! You can't just leave them in a parking lot!"

"Nyuuu," a kitten attested with the aid of its giant amber eyes.

Yuki grimaced. "...Well, think of something to do with them, then. They're not my responsibility."

"How about, name them?"

"What?"

"That's what I want to do with them." Shuichi snuggled the kittens around him. "Name them."

"Think of something else," Yuki replied flatly. "And don't say, 'tie ribbons around them,' or 'kiss them,' or anything like that." He looked back at Shuichi at the precise right moment to realize that it was too late for the latter. He turned back away in disgust. He also made a mental note to deny Shuichi indefinitely of any sort of mouth contact.

"Okay, okay," Shuichi agreed reluctantly. "They're probably old enough that they don't really need their mom. We can give them away, I guess," he sighed. Then he perked up. "...and make people super-happy!" he added excitedly.

* * *

A cute cat-eared boy sat grinning on a street corner next to a cardboard box. On the box was a sign that read, "FLEE cats." Several passersby threw odd glances in the boy's direction, but these didn't really affect his oblivious smile. Soon, though, he began to wonder why nobody was interested in the kittens. He picked up the box, carried it dutifully back to room 13 and a half, and knocked on the door. 

"Yuki," he whined to the tall man in glasses who opened the door. "It isn't working! Nobody's adopted a single kitten."

Yuki lowered his glasses and set aside the novel he'd been reading. He took a look at the box, and then stared a bit condescendingly at the _so_ obviously thick head in front of him, of whose product the sign had undoubtedly been. "English 101," he began. "In English, 'L' is not the same thing as 'R.'" He indicated the sign. "'Flee' means 'Run away.'"

"Oh." Shuichi blushed. "Um, okay. I guess that would make sense. I-I told you I don't know much about English," he mumbled in self-defense.

"Now get back out there and let me finish this chapter...er, find homes for the kitty-cats or whatever."

"'Kay," Shuichi nodded and hopped back out to the street. He took out his permanent marker and fixed the "FREE" on his sign.

_Is it really a good idea to let him sit out there, left to his own illiterate defenses?_ Eiri wondered silently into space. He looked back at the book in his hands and flipped the page. _Of course it is,_ he decided. _Now he's got something to do, and that means, no pointlessly sitting prisoner outside and charring sugary food on a stick for me._

"Yuki!" Shuichi practically knocked the door down. "Now let's go camping!" he announced with fire in his eyes.

"..." Eiri, having lost his place, flipped another page randomly so as to appear busy. "I thought you had cats to get rid of."

"I did, but then this girl showed up who seemed to know the mom cat. She took them all and thanked me like a billion times. I wish I could've said something, but anyway, now the cats are gone and we can get out of this livestock house and into the wilderness...with marshmallows!"

"I was actually just beginning to grow fond of those lovely curtains," said Eiri without looking up.

"Yeah right," Shuichi huffed. "You just don't like marshmallows; is that it? You don't _have _to have any."

Eiri, becoming a little ticked off, was about to say something along the lines of, "Well, guess what? I don't have to _go _either, if I don't want to." But instead, that stupid, accursed glitter returned to Shuichi's pleading eyes and it unfailingly entrapped Eiri once again. There was no way it was going to allow any such words to escape from his defeatedly grimacing lips.

Shuichi was learning to read Eiri's faces to a fault (in fact, to the point where it took some definite willpower to refrain from exploiting the man for all he was worth). A little grin, and then a big smile, crept its way onto his face. He sprung onto Yuki in an absolute glomp.

_What the heck did I do?_ Eiri wondered. "I didn't agree to anything, brat," he stated.

"Heeehe," Shuichi giggled. He reached down and slyly stole the car keys from Yuki's pocket. He leapt out the door, leaving his boyfriend to sit there wondering for a moment what had happened.

Eiri's mind quickly traced in sequence the events that had just momentarily transpired, and like a flash it hit him that he'd been robbed of an object that, in Shuichi's hands, lent access to a flaming metal death chamber.

And so he quickly hurried after.

Because he just couldn't afford the trouble to replace that rental car.

* * *

A/N: They'll get around to camping in the next chapter. I had to do something about the car. To the person concerned about the flow of time in this story...really, if you count the nights, they've only been here for a few days. I just tend to take a lot longer to write it, and when I do, I like to spend time developing each moment and conversation. I try to make this fic dialogue-driven more than anything. :) So maybe that's why it seems longer than it "is". 

Reviews are appreciated. (See how modest I've gotten...I only plan to sic _de-clawed_ cats on you non-reviewers this time, because I'm nice like that. u.u)


	13. To the Woods to Live Deliberately

The Off Track

by Aoi Umi

* * *

A/N: It's been awhile, ne? I would like to assure you that this fanfic, despite its (dis)appearance, is most certainly _not_ dead! (For better or for worse...who really knows. :rolls eyes:) I have been quite busy lately...I could sit here and make excuses all day, but you don't really care. And so, I bring you...lucky Chapter 13. :D (By the way -- thank you for over 200 reviews! I can hardly believe it. :smiles:)

* * *

Chapter 13: "To the Woods to Live Deliberately" _or_ "Bad Luck"

_Crash_. A mountain of assorted camping gear and other junk spilled out of the car's trunk.

"I told you that wasn't all going to fit in there, Yuki." Shuichi bent down to gather some pots and sleeping bags off the ground. He struggled to pile it all back into the horde from whence it came.

"I told _you_ the same thing not half an hour ago when you were buying it. Moron." Eiri walked away, indifferent to the younger man's plight, and took a drag of a freshly-lit cigarette.

"I'm glad you're so excited about this, Yuki," Shuichi complained as he laboriously compacted as much junk as he possibly could into the trunk.

"Be glad I'm coming, and don't create so many ridiculous stipulations in your head. We can dump this stuff in a ditch right now and head for the nearest airport, if you'd like." He sounded quite taken with his own suggestion.

"No!" Shuichi cried. "We're gonna—ngh—go camping—rrr—and it's going to be...fun!"

"I like my 'fun' with fewer cheap magnetic compasses and lawn chairs," Eiri snorted as he blew smoke in the other direction.

"Lawn chairs are useful!" Shuichi insisted rather lamely.

"..." Eiri ground the cigarette butt on the blacktop beneath his foot and opened the car's front door. "You don't have to make a case for your _lawn chairs_ or whatever else. I don't care because I'm frankly not listening anymore. As long as you can fit it in this car, bring whatever the hell you want." He sat in the front seat and took out his sleek laptop. "So leave me alone while I work on this."

Shuichi smiled as he slipped a camera beneath one of the seats. He knew how Yuki hated having his picture taken when it wasn't for the purposes of his syndication as an author. Yuki sitting at the table eating breakfast. Yuki putting on his socks while getting ready to go out. Yuki lying shirtless on the couch, watching a stupid television movie. Shuichi kept and treasured an album of such snapshots, even though Yuki looked supremely pissed off in nearly every single one of them. It was very difficult for Shuichi to be candid with a camera. Then again, it was _always_ difficult for Shuichi to be very candid at all.

_Tick tick tap tick tick_. _Taptaptaptaptap_ (Backspace). Eiri ran a hand through his sandy, frustrated hair. Yes, even his hair was frustrated. Every single strand. He had neglected visiting this story for entirely too long. He had hoped that doing so would somewhat annul the distaste he'd had for it in the first place, but it had done nothing of the sort.

He glanced in the rearview mirror. Shuichi was compressing the junk with his foot, and with a final kicking shove, he slammed the door behind it.

"Okay, Yuki!" Shuichi slid almost instantaneously into the seat beside him. "Let's go!" He pointed ahead dramatically.

Eiri tapped the side of his computer irritatedly, concentrating on the screen.

"Yuuukiii." Shuichi waved a hand between the screen and his boyfriend's contorted face. "Yuki, smile!"

Eiri shoved that annoying little hand out of his face, accidentally pushing some buttons on the brat's wristwatch. He twitched at the obnoxious high-pitched noise the device emitted.

Shuichi shoved his hand right back again. This time he reached for Yuki's lips in an attempt to shape them into a smile by force. Yuki made a motion like he was going to bite off a finger or two, and Shuichi recoiled, to his smug satisfaction.

"Lookit you! You _are_ smiling!" Shuichi laughed.

_Damn._ Eiri willed the muscles in his face to return to their usual stoic dis-emotion, but nonetheless he clicked the laptop shut and shoved it into his bag. He turned the key in the ignition, put the car in gear, and pulled onto the road. "Let's go. Tell me where to drive, and I'll drive."

"In that case, maybe it would be easier if I just drove?"

Glare of the century.

* * *

"Awright, this is perfect!" our hyper pink-haired hero exclaimed, leaning on the very edge of the seat. The car came to a halt and Shuichi's head lightly bonked the windshield, but it didn't faze him in the least. "Camping, camping," he chortled, exiting the vehicle and bouncing toward the trunk in order to retrieve the camping gear. 

Eiri sighed and leaned on the wheel tiredly. To his left were some trees. Ahead: trees, a clearing, a bit of skyline. To his right – he turned his head – another downright _fascinating_ populace of trees.

"I think – let's see – we should sleep over _there_..."

Eiri's eyes traveled lazily to the indicated spot.

"...we should set up a campfire _here_,"

Eiri envisioned the cheap, ugly lawn chairs positioned in that general area.

"...and...kyaaa! Yuki, it's a bunny-rabbit!" Shuichi squealed. He instinctively was drawn toward it in a mad rush, and instantly it vanished in a terrified leap into the brush. Shuichi leapt after it and fell into some brambles.

"Owowoww..." he complained, getting up and brushing himself off. "It's in my clothes and everything..."

_Already?_ Eiri sighed. _This is going to be the longest 24-hour period of my life._ But thankfully, it was not to be any longer than that. He had promised to camp for _one day and one night only._

"Yuki," Shuichi inquired, looking awkwardly over his own shoulder, "could you please get these out from the back of my shirt?"

Eiri complied for painfully apparent lack of anything better to do. He smirked a little as he ran his hand gently across the smooth, skinny backside of his cute but stupid little boyfriend. Suddenly he swore. A few tiny brambles had pierced his own skin, and he remembered what it was that he was actually supposed to be doing. "Just take off your own damn shirt and get them out yourself," he huffed.

"Alright, alright," Shuichi mumbled. After losing himself inside the cottony t-shirt, he struggled with the sudden mystery of which hole was which, and how he had managed to work himself into a situation in which he could neither move nor properly see. "Um..." He took a step, and then another. "Yu—kiyaa!" he screeched as he suddenly felt his sense of balance depart entirely from his body.

_Thunk._

Yuki's attention was then captured by a series of noises that sounded suspiciously like a skull making contact with a car and then a body making contact with the ground. Although many would argue that color can't be inferred by the ears, Yuki was positive that the skull sounded positively pink. He stepped delicately to the other side of the car. Using the most basic of forensics (along with a regrettably intimate knowledge of the victim's habits), it wasn't difficult to figure out what had happened.

"Idiot." He stared with mock pity at the unmoving body before him.

After a moment, he shifted his eyes uncertainly. Should he do something? Was Shuichi seriously in need of assistance?

Yuki knelt down to examine his boyfriend's motionless figure. _Well, he's breathing. Um. So, okay then._ He began to get up again, but hesitated. He glanced around, then mentally reprimanded himself for doing so. (_Hmph. As if anyone at all is within a ten mile radius._) He extended a delicate finger and slowly made a motion to poke Shuichi in the side.

A familiar pair of brilliant, violet-sapphire eyes shot open, nearly causing Yuki to lose his balance. Nearly simultaneously, a familiar stentorian voice erupted in hysteria..._actually_ causing Yuki to lose his balance. (Yuki cursed at the brief pain from the fall, but more at the misfortune of getting dirt on his clothes.)

"EEYEEEEHHH! IT CAN'T BEEEEE! I FORGOT – I FORGOT – I FORGOT TO BRING THE MARSHMALLOWWWSSSS! NOOOOoooooo..." His voice faded into the distance as he ran. "...oooooOOOOOOO" ...And came back again. "OOOOOO—" And was interrupted by a firm hand shoved over his mouth.

Shuichi blinked. "Eheh." He panted. "S-Sorry, Yuki." He didn't even have to _look_ in order to receive the effects of Eiri's undoubtedly present glare. "But, but...you know, I really did forget, and how...how, _how_ can we go camping without melting marshmallows?" he whined. "I see it alllll the time on TV, and camping without marshmallows is like, like..."

"...Shuichi without yelling and screaming like a wild tiger that's just been shot in the leg?" Eiri supplied flatly.

"Er..." Shuichi scratched his head. "Maybe."

"Well then, maybe we'll have a nice time after all."

"But, but..." Shuichi fluttered his arms despairingly.

"Listen." Eiri halted the frantic motion by firmly grabbing ahold of one of Shuichi's wrists. "You have a moronic obsession with wanting everything to be 'perfect.' Not normal things. Not anything useful. Just stupid things. Like this vacation and its pointless little details. So why don't you let it go, and maybe everyone would be happier?"

Shuichi blinked again and looked in Yuki's eyes. "Yuki, I..."

Yuki returned his wide-eyed stare with a stern look. To Shuichi, it seemed to communicate something along the lines of "shut up because actions speak louder than words."

Shuichi thought about that for a moment. "That's ridiculous, Yuki!" he protested aloud. "You're a writer!"

"What?" Eiri turned from his travel bag, from which he was now removing his laptop computer.

"Um." Shuichi blushed. "Nothing."

"Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I am a writer," Yuki commented as he unfolded a tacky lawn chair, plunked it on the ground, sat down and started the computer. "And so, I am now going to _write._ Now run along and set up camp, or whatever you want to do."

Shuichi nodded solemnly. He couldn't hope to keep Yuki's uninterrupted attention for the entire duration of the trip. He knew that, and he could live with that. This was one of the things he told himself, keeping in mind Yuki's recent – and accurate – psychological diagnosis.

* * *

Shuichi skipped off into the woods to gather firewood, humming to himself along the way. As he looked about, a plethora of interesting things captured his attention. There were so many different kinds of trees, old and knotted, tangled and untrimmed. Shuichi was accustomed to the sparse, neatly pruned trees of the city. Near the brushes, white flowers and yellow flowers bloomed, some in cheerful company and others in beautiful solitude. The bird songs here were different than the ones at home. 

Shuichi leaned against a tree and breathed in deeply. _Yuki is missing this to work on his stupid book_, he thought sadly. _Ah, who am I kidding? Yuki doesn't care! And I don't care that he doesn't care._ He bounced around joyfully, making the most of it for himself.

He stopped. _Still, what if I bring him a flower?_ Shuichi giggled boyishly, as if the idea were something risky that he'd been coerced into by a dare. "I think –" He swiped a yellow buttercup out of the ground. "—I shall! Hyahahahahahaaaa... ((heart))"

* * *

The ground was unlevel and Eiri didn't like it. He picked up the aluminum-framed chair and plunked it lightly in another spot. He sat down, grimaced, and moved the chair again. Move, sit, repeat. At least three more times he went through this sequence. 

_&!#&!_

Concluding that perhaps the _chair_ was unlevel, he spitefully tossed it aside and opted instead to work in the comfort of the vehicle. Ugly as it was, it _did_ contain padded seats.

It also contained something else that the disgruntled novelist had most certainly not been expecting.

Roughly forty-five seconds after Eiri had situated himself in the back seat of the car, his creative process was once again interrupted (er, it would have been, had it gotten started in the first place).

"Myuuu, kyuuu," came a muffled sound from beneath the seat.

Deciding it was a figment of his fried brain's imagination, he shrugged it off and gave the appearance (to no one in particular) of working extra diligently.

"Myuuu, kyuuuuuu..."

_It's probably Shuichi's mp3 player under the seat or something. Playing some idiotic song, like...that stupid Christmas song with the...cats...? Cats? Oh, no, please, no, don't be..._

He urgently, awkwardly scrambled for a view of beneath the seat. Head upside down and golden hair brushing the dirty floor carpet, he was met with a pair of amber eyes – much the same color as his own – set in a fuzzy little pleading face. The small animal appeared to be helplessly stuck on something.

Eiri glared. It wasn't a glare at the defenseless animal, but rather a hollow one directed at whichever of the fates had been so mercilessly having her fun with him lately. At any rate, Eiri Yuki may have found it easy to be a heartless bastard to his annoyingly deserving boyfriend, but even he could not dismiss a small, furry kitten's pleas for help. He delicately reached beneath the seat and separated the animal's tiny foot from the seat's framework.

In a normal sitting position, he contemplated the slightly thin and quivering, but otherwise healthy young animal in his lap. Setting it gently in the seat, he went around to the trunk in order to look for some sort of cat-suitable food item. What he found happened to be more along the lines of canned liquid cheese, chocolate, and graham crackers (but, indeed, no marshmallows, he noticed).

"Where does that moron get the idea that such disgusting things are essential for spending a night sleeping outside?" he grumbled, tossing aside a small bucket of Spam. Finding nothing else even marginally better, he reconsidered the Spam a moment later and brought it to the backseat. He opened it and set it before the cat. (It wasn't as if he had any intention of eating it himself, anyway.)

After an interminable session of sniffing (_Don't inhale it; just eat it already_), the kitten finally took a bite and then several more.

Satisfied, Eiri returned his attention to his laptop.

It drifted back.

As far as Eiri's attention was concerned, that little grey thing with buttons just couldn't compete with a fuzzy baby animal. _No._ He turned resolutely back to the screen. _How idiotic. His attention span is rubbing off on me. That Shuichi's got me latching onto even the faintest distractions._

He didn't want to consider the possibility that the kitten was _just that cute._ What kind of a man would he be if... _That's a funny question,_ he smiled ironically to himself.

"Yukiiiiiii!" An exuberant figure appeared at the edge of the clearing. He was back.

Shuichi's leaps and bounds and pleas for attention were, in contrast to the kitten's quiet softness, actually very easy to ignore. So Yuki quite purposefully did just that.

Shuichi drew closer. "Yuki? Hey, Yuki, are you here? Where did you go? Yuki."

Yuki said nothing and remained absolutely still, except for the idle typing motion in his fingers.

"Yuki! Oh no, Yuki! Did you get eaten by a bear?" Shuichi paused, waiting for a response. "Well, did you? Yuki?"

_Idiot,_ thought Yuki. _How could I respond if I was—_

"Gasp! Yuki!" Shuichi smiled and pointed. "There you are! What are you doing inside the car? It's a beautiful day out here. Even the pollen and the bugs think so because they're everywhere and...um, I guess that's kind of not a good thing, but it's okay! It's still really great outside; the sun is shining and stuff, and, and look! I brought back firewood so we can have a campfire later. Sounds like fun, huh? Huh, Yuki?"

"Shut up," said Yuki. "It's sleeping."

"Eh?" Shuichi blinked. "What's sleeping, Yuki?" he asked quite loudly. He peered into the car and caught sight of a small bundle of grey, storm-swirl patterned fur. "Aaaahhh, cuuute," he squealed like a schoolgirl.

"It ate your Spam, by the way. Just letting you know in case it vomits or something when it wakes up. Better leave it alone for awhile." Yuki shut his laptop, stepped indifferently out of the car, and stretched.

Shuichi ducked behind his lover's stance in an attempt to get closer to the kitten.

"Hey. Leave it alone," Eiri repeated sternly.

Shuichi's own temporary cat ears fell. Then he beamed and glomped Yuki's arm. "Yuki..." he began. "Let's go for a walk through the woods. Please? Together, just the two of us."

Yuki glanced at him from the corner of his eye. "We've been 'together, just the two of us' for how many days already? Why do we need to traipse through dirt and trip over sticks on the ground?"

"C'moooon, Yuki. I did not trip on a single stick when I was out there. It's nice! You'll like—" he tripped on a stick in the middle of the clearing and fell. "...it. Really. Ow," he finished weakly.

Yuki smirked a chuckle.

Shuichi smiled back. "We can bring food," he bartered. "I brought a whole bunch of good stuff. It's in the trunk."

Yuki balked. "You brought _pickled cheese puffs_. How can you call that 'good'?"

Shuichi laughed. "Well, there's other stuff, too. Like chocolate! Hey, everyone likes chocolate, right, Yuki?"

"Nn," Yuki idly agreed, staring off into the distance.

"Yuki? C'mon, Yuki, what's with you?" Shuichi leapt in front of him and waved his arms. "Yuki? What are you thinking about? Yuki?"

"You know, a lot of great authors were inspired by the outdoors..." he mused in a quiet tone. "I've heard that its silence can be somewhat relaxing...Perhaps I shall never understand."

Shuichi was getting better at interpreting these indirect commands to 'shut up.' He lowered his head submissively and did so.

"I think," Yuki stated, "that I'll walk by myself a bit. I need to gather my thoughts about this...book." He took a few steps toward the trees. "I'll be back shortly."

Shuichi closed his eyes softly. Sadly and regretfully, he tucked the flower into his pocket for later.

* * *

_What am I doing here?_ Eiri asked himself frustratedly. He glared meanly at a green leaf in the air that happened to flutter rather too closely to his face. 

He stopped, closed his eyes, and breathed.

_It doesn't even smell good. I need a cig—huh?_

His eyes darted toward a sudden movement in the bushes, but too late. Suspiciously, he returned to the task of fumbling about in his pocket for the pack of cigarettes he was _sure_ he had put in there...

_Whoosh—_

Eiri turned in the direction of the foliage's disturbance, annoyed. _What if it really is_ _a bear or something?_ a stupid little voice suggested in the back of his mind. A voice that sounded a lot like Shuichi's, actually. He shook his head to rid it of this nonsense.

He walked on, picking up his pace just a bit. (_Because the exercise would of course do anyone a little good_.) He forgot completely about the cigarette, and in fact didn't even notice when his lighter slipped from his fingers and landed soundlessly on the soft carpet of dirt and leaves.

_Thump, thump, thump,_ went his feet on the ground, nearly synchronous with his increasing heartbeat. Whatever that thing was, it was _following _him.

He stopped. Although he naturally didn't like to ask for directions, he didn't want to put himself into a situation where he _couldn't_ ask for them even if he desperately needed to. Getting lost out here would be easy. No one at all was around, and it wasn't as if he were carrying one of Shuichi's cereal-box compasses around his neck. He should head back. So he turned around, moving quickly and hoping to elude the "thing in the bushes."

All of a sudden, the ground looked a lot closer than it had a split second ago. When he should have seen darkness, he was instead assaulted with a flash of blinding light. He lifted himself painfully off the ground.

"Kyahahahahahaaaa! Yuki, look at this funny picture I just got of you! I'm calling it 'Yuki trips over a stick.'" A fuzzy polyester/cotton-blend bear leapt out of the bushes. With its enormous paws (which would make one wonder how in the world it had worked a camera), it pushed its hood back to reveal a grinning pink-haired young man.

Picking himself up and dusting himself off deliberately, Yuki shot a very deep glare at the ridiculous face of this unwelcome paparazzi member. It wavered, though, and soon turned into a smug little grin, one quite appreciatory of irony. It was good to know that the forces of karma were still alive and well.

Shuichi looked around confusedly, then followed the blond man's gaze to a spot on the ground that was apparently beneath his own clawed, fuzzy feet. He stepped out of the way to see just what was so interesting. Upon taking the first step, something squished. Shuichi paled. "Ewwww! Yuki! Am I standing in..."

Eiri nodded, barely containing an evil chuckle.

"Eeeyaaaaa!" Shuichi took off running back toward camp. Eiri followed leisurely, hands in his pockets, taking care to walk around that particular spot.

* * *

Reviews appreciated. :) 


	14. Twilight

The Off Track

by Aoi Umi

* * *

Chapter 14: "Twilight"

"Waa," Shuichi moped, curled up in a lawn chair. "My bear outfit is ruined..."

"It's not ruined," Yuki replied impatiently, fluffing the bear suit in the breeze and throwing it over a clothesline. "And how the hell _I_ ended up washing this thing..." he mumbled, but trailed off.

Shuichi was sniffling. He brought his knees to his chest and shivered a few times as well.

Yuki gave him a concerned look. (Which of course, for Eiri Yuki, more precisely conveyed a message like "What the fuck?", but nevertheless...)

"It's kind of getting dark and I'm a little cold I guess," Shuichi explained hastily. "Let's start a campfire so we can have marshmallows!" he beamed.

"You didn't bring marshmallows. Remember?"

"Oh," Shuichi recalled. "Er, um, then, let's just have a campfire anyway. Pleeeeease?"

Yuki shrugged. "What do I care? Go ahead."

"Okay!" Shuichi clenched his fists and leapt for his pile of firewood. After tossing a bunch of it into a haphazard pile, he paused. "Um, I didn't bring matches or anything," he announced. "Can I maybe use your lighter or something?"

Yuki reached into his pocket, but felt nothing. He blinked. _I thought I put it in this pocket..._ He tried another. Frantically, he searched his entire person, but it was nowhere to be found.

"Yuki?"

"Argh! I can't _find_ it! Where the hell did it go? I had it earlier today..."

"Um," Shuichi backed off. "That's okay, Yuki, I'll find some other way to..."

"Dammit!" Eiri sat in a lawn chair and put a hand to his forehead. "Now how am I going to light my cigarettes and keep my _sanity_ for the next..." (he checked his watch) "nineteen hours?" Suddenly, he wanted a cigarette very badly simply because he couldn't have one. This is, as everyone knows, one of the most frustrating, damnable feelings in existence.

"Um, Yuki, don't you have a spare or anything at all?" Shuichi suggested meekly.

Eiri, who hadn't previously considered the usefulness and practicality of a spare, grew even more disgruntled. (A slightly _more_ frustrating, damnable feeling is one derived from the knowledge that oneself could have, but didn't, easily _prevent_ a wretched situation such as this one.) He wanted to take it out on Shuichi for acquainting him with the idea, but all he ended up doing was grumbling more and more agitatedly to himself.

"Um..." Shuichi continued, trying to be helpful. "What about the cigarette lighter thing in the car?"

Eiri opened his eyes. Of course! He got up, walked to the car, and threw open the passenger door. Plugged into the cigarette lighter was Shuichi's mp3 player, which had apparently been charging. (Eiri caught a glimpse of its screen to discover that Shuichi actually _had_ been listening to the Christmas song with the cat voices.)

Eiri pulled at the cord. He tugged at it harder when it refused to budge from the cigarette lighter. Frustrated, he gave it one good yank, and nearly fell backwards as it dislodged with a few surprising sparks. (The kitten squeaked as it awoke in the back seat.)

He blinked. As soon as he could comprehend the logistics of his latest Unpleasant Situation, he called for none other than the Creator of Havoc himself. "Idiot! What have you done now? Get over here."

Shuichi complied nervously. _Now what have I done to make Yuki mad?_ he worried.

Eiri glared and made sure his pupil was watching. "Exhibit A," he began, holding up the plug end of Shuichi's charger. "Has two thin, metal prongs. You see?"

Shuichi nodded.

"Exhibit B..." He indicated the cigarette lighter. "Does not have a place to receive two thin, metal prongs. Understand?"

Shuichi nodded, but did so while stifling a giggle.

"What?" Eiri demanded, still quite clearly annoyed.

"Something like that never stopped _us_," Shuichi commented and laughed. He elbowed and then nuzzled Yuki's side affectionately.

"...You really _are_ a perverted little boy..."

"Only, I know it's just one, but don't worry, dear, I would _not_ call it thin," he continued in a mock-babydoll voice.

Yuki knocked his "wife" lightly in the side of the head. He had to admit that it _was_ quite funny when he thought about it...And strangely enough, the rise he was gett---... _No. No, no, no. I'm not going to give him what he wants, the little shit. I'm pissed off at him right now._

"Yukiii," Shuichi sang, fluttering his eyelashes.

"Stop that," Yuki responded firmly. "The point of the lesson is," he concluded, "that you need to get an adapter if you're going to use the car's battery to do something like charge your music player. So next time you won't fucking _break_ it. Is that clear?"

Shuichi nodded again, now sober and visibly disappointed.

"Now if you'll be so kind" _What are you doing, stupid?_ "as to bring a flashlight for when it gets darker," _You're going to give it to him later anyway, so why not now?_ "we're going to go and look for my lighter, which I must have dropped somewhere earlier..." _Because I need nicotine like I need air, and not because it has anything to do with that_ "print club photo on the lighter..."

"Huh? Photo?" Shuichi's eyes lit up.

_Erk..._ Eiri glanced up from his agonized forehead-grasp. What had he just said? He needed to stop attempting to think and talk simultaneously.

"Yeah, let's take a photo of us camping! Tee-hee!"

_Whew._ "Just get the flashlight and follow me," Eiri instructed.

"Yes," Shuichi complied and removed a blinding, day-glo yellow flashlight from his pack. He trotted behind Yuki, who was heading toward the woods. _Yesss!_ He grinned puppyishly. _I get to go on a walk with Yuki after all. Hee hee hee!_

_

* * *

_"Hey hey hey, Yuki, I think you were walking in the other direction earlier," Shuichi pointed out.

Eiri stopped. Eiri Yuki liked being right. He could deal with being wrong, but of course, doing so was all the more difficult when that dumbass pop-singing boyfriend of his was the one who was right instead.

"Of course I was going in that direction," he replied nonchalantly. "I was just checking to make sure there weren't any bears in that other direction."

"Ohh," said Shuichi. "I guess that makes sense."

The genius of it was, Shuichi was too dumb to ever figure out when he was right. Eiri smiled to himself, satisfied.

The two of them trudged through the leaves, staring at the ground for any sign at all of the lighter. Shuichi sighed. This was boring, and not at all what he'd hoped for, but at least he wouldn't accidentally step in anything unpleasant this way.

Soon, Shuichi began to take notice of the glowing golden color and the long shadows that were cast across the ground in front of him. He stopped and looked toward the sunset. He smiled. It was so beautiful here. Through the trees and the clear air, he could see nothing but small hills framing the vermilion spectacle. Not a cityscape in sight.

"Yuki!" he called out.

Eiri had continued walking ahead. He turned his head, half-interested. "Hm?"

Now that he'd gotten the man's attention, Shuichi caught up to him with bounding leaps. The last leap culminated in a full-fledged, sap-loaded glomp.

Yuki stood stiffly, prepared to endure it until it passed. Shuichi only squeezed harder, however, and Yuki found himself suddenly less capable of breathing. He was about to say something, but at that moment Shuichi released his boa-constrictor hold and planted his own feet on the ground. He was still intent on squeezing the life out of Yuki's left hand, however.

"Look!" Shuichi pointed elatedly and clung to Yuki's entire arm. "Lookit how pretty it is! Isn't it cool?"

Eiri squinted and used his other hand as a visor. "Nice," he stated, simply to appease his momentarily leechlike boyfriend. He really didn't see the big deal about sunsets. All it meant was that it was soon to be dark outside, and he was running out of time to find that lighter. So he shook his arm out of Shuichi's grasp and continued scanning the ground, indifferent to his lover's plaintive pouting gazes, if indeed he even noticed them.

Shuichi eventually gave up and trudged along behind again. He didn't want to be a bother, but he _was_ feeling terribly lonely, and his shadow offered no consolation, however tall it was. So he decided to strike up a conversation. "Hey, Yuki. I bet the sunrise is going to be just as amazing."

"Possibly," Yuki replied, not really listening.

"So, I was thinking..." Shuichi blushed nervously, although he didn't see any reason why he should be embarrassed, particularly. "Would you like to – or rather, will you – um, sit and watch it with me tomorrow? Please?"

Eiri internally groaned. _Nobody in his right mind voluntarily gets up that fucking early_, he thought. _Although, that's assuming I even fall asleep at all on the stupid, hard ground to begin with..._ Damn. He knew he had to say something; his silence had been too long. "Sure," he said, not necessarily meaning it. _Maybe I'll be lucky and he'll sleep right through it..._

"Yay!" Shuichi spread his arms wide for a glomp, but this time refrained with a self-conscious chuckle. He simply locked arms with Yuki and rested his head firmly on his shoulder.

Eiri felt a single thump in his chest. It should have pained him to think that his insincere promises always brought so much joy to this excitable kid. It should have, and almost did, but Eiri figured that whether or not he actually opened his eyes and sat up to stare at a large mass of hydrogen and helium gases at the crack of dawn, Shuichi would still be there, full of glomps and annoyance such as he was.

"Um...Yuki?" Shuichi found himself reaching into his pocket and taking the flower delicately between his fingers. After a moment's hesitation, he abruptly shoved it into Yuki's face. "Thisflowerisforyou," he stated.

Eiri considered it for a moment. Some deplorable sense of pathos within him suddenly declared Shuichi's appeal quite "cute." It wasn't necessary to dwell on things, however, for another part of him was eager to do all the thinking. He smiled lustily and half-lowered his eyelids. He ignored the flower itself and leaned down to speak softly into Shuichi's ear. "Silly human mating rituals," he mused, nuzzling the smaller man's neck.

Shuichi closed his eyes and grinned. The waning sunlight glittered in his hair as he shivered at the touch of his love's soft nose and lips. He was finally getting some attention...

"_Screee!_"

This time, even Shuichi was dismayed at the appearance of yet another fuzzy, four-legged creature. This one had shiny eyes and a ringed tail. It also had something interesting in its tiny claws.

"My lighter!" Eiri growled. "That bastard rodent has my lighter!" The raccoon cringed at Eiri's voice and quickly darted into the brush.

"Don't worry, Yuki! I'll get it for you!" Shuichi announced heroically. "Here, hold this," he instructed, shoving the burdensome flashlight into Yuki's hands. He gave chase as the frightened raccoon scampered off into the woods.

Yuki followed slowly behind, but after stepping into the unpleasant tangles of the forest, thought against it and decided to stay on the path. Shuichi would be back in a couple of minutes anyway, so he opted to stand there and wait.

* * *

A couple of minutes must have passed, judging by the fact that the sun was now no longer visible. An eerie darkness enveloped the land, and everything seemed to become still at once. Eiri held up the flashlight and eyed it up and down until he could locate the switch. After turning it on, he pointed it in the direction of Shuichi's departure. Of course, Shuichi wasn't there anymore. 

He stepped over some bushes. "Shuichi!" he yelled impatiently through the trees. "Brat! Dammit. Shuichi!" It was eerie how his own voice echoed so vibrantly off the tall, inert trees comprising a veritable ocean of dark, infinite forest.

* * *

"Ha! You dropped it, you stupid fuzz-butt." Shuichi seized the lighter off the ground after the raccoon had surrendered it and scampered into a tree. "That was easier than I thought," he pointed out to no one in particular, other than himself. "Now, to go back and find Yuki..." 

He turned around. "Um..." He noticed for the first time that it was dark now. He also noticed that, no matter which way he looked, there was no way of knowing from which way he had come. He had become completely disoriented a number of times during the chase, especially when the animal had cleverly feigned leaps and disappeared into hollows.

"Um, um, um..." Shuichi looked this way and that, unable to discern any sort of sign. Standing in the same spot as in his triumphant victory of a moment ago, he now wanted to cry. His first reaction to the situation was a long, dramatic "YUKIIIIIIiiii!" (A small flock of birds that had just been settling for the night fluttered away to settle elsewhere.)

He tried to get his wits about him. The forest was pretty in the daytime, but at night, alone, he felt utterly victimized by every owl and tree and...bear? that might be watching him. _That's silly_, he told himself. _Trees don't have eyes._ He nodded. _But...bears...have eyes and teeth and big stomachs..._ He whined, but then stopped for fear that he'd be heard by a family of hungry bears.

He sat down against a tree and buried his face. _What am I gonna do...?

* * *

_

Please Review...c'mon you, it's the right thing to do...(haha - I made a rhyme.)


	15. Until the Morning Light

The Off Track

By Aoi Umi

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A/N: Well, we're finally nearing the end of the trip. I can't believe it's already been more than a year since I started this fic. x.x This is most likely not the last chapter, but it's time for things to wrap up a little. I tried for some overdue affection in this chapter, although I hope I stayed safely enough away from "corny." While writing this, it actually became difficult to restrict it to PG-13 (or whatever the new equivalent is). Hee hee. So I strived for a bit of carefully "implicit" yaoi. (Do try to pick up on it all:smile:) Enjoy!

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Chapter 15: "Until the Morning Light"

"Shuuichii!..." Eiri coughed. He'd been straining his vocal chords for at least an hour, calling out in an attempt to locate his missing idiot. "Why did he fucking have to run off like that!" he kept asking himself, irritated. The answer was consistently, "Because he's a stupid moron, but a stupid moron who was trying to help you because _you_ placed too much value on a stupid cigarette lighter." Ouch. After taking a back seat for so long, a conscience like Eiri Yuki's tends to be as blunt and as loud as possible when given the chance to be heard.

Eiri was worried. He really was. He had only the faintest idea of where he even _was_, and of course he had no idea about what he or Shuichi could possibly be up against, lost and alone in the dark, foreign wilderness.

He hoped that Shuichi would pull his undoubtedly panicking head out of his rain cloud of "stupid" long enough to realize that he could use the cigarette lighter for light if he needed to. That was, assuming Shuichi had caught up with the fuzzy tomato of an animal, and assuming that the animal hadn't bitten him and infected him with some gripping, hopelessly incurable virulence that would seize him mercilessly before the night owls returned home...

He scowled at himself. There was his cursed writer's imagination, nearly getting the better of him again. _If I know that kid, he's sitting in one spot and crying senselessly like a fool right now,_ he reminded himself.

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In fact, at that moment, Shuichi sat, bleary-eyed, in a low crook of a tree, still not daring to make a sound or motion for fear of violently becoming something's du jour special. (Not necessarily in those terms, however. French? The kid doesn't even know English, for god's sake.)

_I hope I don't violently become something's midnight snack,_ Shuichi worried. _Eep!_ He tried to make himself smaller at the rustling sound of a nearby branch. _It's coming for me,_ he silently sobbed.

Two bright yellow eyes reflected light from an unknown source. _Is my spine supposed to feel like Jell-O?_ Shuichi wondered. The eyes came closer...and closer...until they were only about two feet from Shuichi's own. They stared.

Despite his first inclination to panic senselessly, Shuichi suddenly had an idea. He fumbled in his pocket for Yuki's lighter. Wielding it, he revealed that the monster on the branch in front of him was...only that stupid fuzzy thing from earlier. Shuichi lowered his eyes. "Oh, it's you," he greeted flatly.

The raccoon chirruped and screeched at him. When it began to bare its teeth as well, Shuichi feared a bit for his safety. (_That thing doesn't look big enough to eat me, but you never know..._) He shoved the lighter nearer to the animal's face and it backed off.

It returned a few minutes later with an army of friends and relatives.

_This is going to be an interesting night,_ Shuichi sobbed.

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Eiri was tired and crabby, and at this point starting to believe that his best efforts would be fruitless. "_Shuichi!_" He gave one last empty, echoing call before settling at the trunk of a tree to take a rest. He looked east and caught sight of a spectacular moonrise.

_Funny that this whole stupid "vacation" has come to this,_ he thought. _I don't know what that brat thought would be fun about this..._

Looking into the illuminated cloudy haze floating about the horizon, Eiri saw Shuichi's grinning face. Always, always that ridiculous smile. _Why?_ When Eiri reflected on the events of the previous several days, he could think of nothing fortunate that had happened. Nothing enjoyable, nothing pleasant, nothing remotely deserving of such a smile. _Why, then? Why does he constantly look at me like that? He smiles when he's eating the most disgusting food in the world. He's happy when he's in an old rowboat catching nothing but the stench of fish. He looks like he's having the **time of his life** even if he's nearly killed us and it's raining and we're stranded and we have nothing to eat._

For some reason his thoughts lingered on that particular moment. The rain pattering on the rooftop, Shuichi's warmth in his lap. "_At least we're with each other,_" Shuichi's voice echoed in his head. Words of such optimism. Corny ones, at that. Yuki snorted.

"_I love you, Yuki. I can't even stay sad when I'm around you._"

"_...I love you._"

Eiri was unaware that the moon had risen past the spot at which he was staring. _About now would be the time for a novel's character to have some sort of stupid "epiphany,"_ he thought with a scoff. But that smile refused to leave his mind's eye. The vacation had been horrible, but...perhaps it was a matter of perspective?

Shuichi was _happy_.

Eiri blinked and found the moon again. A howling echoed in the distance. It was probably coyotes, but it reminded him of wolves. And the plush animals that Shuichi had gotten from his Happy Meals. _I'm a wolf, huh?_

_...It's time for me to find that stupid pet and bring him home, then._

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The distant cries of the coyotes also reached the ears of Shuichi Shindou, who was padding through the dark forest like a wanted man on the run. No longer did he worry about bears, as he had recently discovered the terror of making enemies with a pack of screeching, clawing raccoons.

He was sure he must have outrun them, by now, though...

He slowed down, panting, but due to the coyotes, he still could not feel safe...

He sighed. At least the moon was out now; otherwise, he probably would have run smack into at least fifty trees by now...He laughed to himself. Yes, he probably would have done that...And imagining fifty bruises in addition to the raccoon scratches and not-quite-healed mouse bites was almost morbidly funny. People would probably think Yuki had beaten him, or something. But Yuki would never do that, and it wouldn't be fair for people to think something like that about the man he loved...

Shuichi's smile faded. He reached out a hand and touched an unusual blossom on the end of a small tree branch. _Poor Yuki. He's even gotten hurt, too, and it's my fault. He hasn't had any fun at all on this vacation, and that's my fault, too. I really shouldn't have made him come... And now, we're separated anyway, and this is bad...Um,_ his cheeks flushed slightly. _I wonder if he's looking for me..._

His face fell. _I can't be sure if he is or not..._

_Well,_ he decided. His face became resolute. _I can't just wait for him to find me, anyway. I've got to find him! And I'll apologize to him as soon as I see him..._

He set off, completely unsure of where he was going, but now with resolve and with less fear of imminently being attacked (although the thought still lingered uncomfortably...).

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After about an hour, Eiri heard a piercing shriek off to his right. The voice, though cracked and earsplitting, could only belong to one person.

Sure enough, when he turned and squinted, the moonlight reflected into his eyes off a dully magenta mop in the darkness. It was scrambling up a tree, then clicking some small object, and cursing and panicking at it.

Eiri grimaced. His lighter must have run out. But the comedic spectacle before him was almost enough to make him forget all about that. The whining, whimpering, and growling issuing from the figure were enough to tell Eiri that he _had_ indeed located the correct missing pet.

"Get back!" Shuichi warned. "I'm...uh, armed!" He mis-stepped as he climbed higher into the branches, and nearly fell out of the tree, but fortunately caught a thick branch in the crook of one of his arms. The other arm waved wildly in front of him before also latching onto the branch.

"_Armed"? Not for long,_ Eiri thought, glancing the other way reproachfully.

"You're not going to eat me today! Er, tonight, or whatever; I don't care about technicalities..."

_What is he talking about, anyway?_ Eiri wondered, shifting his position behind some overgrowth, from where he was watching. He could easily have walked up to Shuichi, grabbed him, reprimanded him, and dragged him through the forest until he could locate the campsite, but watching him freak out was undoubtedly more interesting, for some reason...

"Just, just..." Shuichi pointed hysterically...in his direction? It dawned on Eiri that perhaps he was being mistaken for some sort of predator... He smirked.

"_Look over there, it's Goldilocks!_" Shuichi shouted, pointing somewhere off behind, into the forest. With that, he leapt from the tree and completely tailed it. He ran and ran, as fast as he could...

_Dammit!_ Eiri cursed. He leapt from behind the overgrowth. He wasn't losing Shuichi again; he swore he would _not_ spend another four hours looking for that asshole...

Shuichi sprinted, fearing for his life. He didn't bother looking back until he reached the summit of a small, nearly treeless hill. Here he stopped and turned around. After scanning the forest tensely for a few seconds, he relaxed a bit and chanced sitting down to rest. He breathed heavily.

Eiri, meanwhile, had been remarkably stealthy in his pursuit. Luckily, or unluckily (he couldn't decide), Shuichi had not looked back once. He smirked at the idea that Shuichi probably still thought he had been chased by a bear. _I should keep it that way; might teach him a lesson about running off and getting himself lost like a stupid little kid..._

Yuki crept nearer, watching and waiting. Shuichi stared with annoying intensity at the forest below him...

Then, Shuichi sneezed and turned away. In that brief second, Yuki seized upon his chance...

He bounded uncharacteristically up the slope and tackled Shuichi, ensnaring him in his arms and pinning him to the ground with mock violence.

Shuichi screeched. Extendedly, loudly, and in a pitch as of yet possibly unheard by mankind.

The horrible screeching drew on for far longer than necessary. Eiri lowered his eyelids angrily, waiting for it to stop. That idiot had to open his eyes at some point before dawn...

"Eyaaaaaaaahhhh, can't you see, you can't eat me, PLEASE don't eat me, I have a family...well, alright, not really, if you must know, Yuki and I can't have kids, and we haven't talked about adoption yet, and what am I saying, I don't even think we'll ever...er, but I HAVE A MOM AND DAD AND A SISTER WHO LOVE ME and a great career and everything; I could sing you something if you want, Waaahhhhhhh--"

"Will you _shut up!_" Yuki shoved his hand roughly over his captive's mouth.

Shuichi blinked. "Oh," he said, surprised. "Yuki!"

"No, it's Carmen Miranda!" Eiri spat.

"...Then, shouldn't you have some grapes and stuff on your head? And – oooooh – a watermelon?" Shuichi giggled.

Eiri grumbled, but at the same time was beginning to feel very, very aroused by the moonlit boy held firmly captive in his arms...

Shuichi's breathing had begun to return to normal. He looked up into Yuki's eyes, shadowed on the other side of the moonlight. Shuichi also found most of his own self in shadow, although unbeknownst to him, his shiny hair reflected illusory glimmers into the same dark eyes he was watching...

"Yuki." Shuichi willed himself to state before he allowed himself to get too lost in the moment. "I'm sorry. Really. All of this disaster was my fault."

"Well, you _did_ run off, yeah..."

"No, I mean everything," Shuichi looked away. "This whole vacation. You're right; it was a stupid idea, and if it weren't for me, none of it would have happened, and you wouldn't be so miserable."

Eiri blinked. It was hard for him to seriously consider these kinds of words right now. Instead, he ignored them and went for the area of skin he'd been _dying_ to caress with his lips and tongue... He called _this_ miserable?

Shuichi pushed him away.

Eiri stared, irked and a little perplexed. He went for it again, but received the same reaction. He shot his partner a stronger look of "What?"

"I don't think I deserve any of this right now," Shuichi mumbled.

"Cut the drama, stupid," Eiri chided.

"But really, will you listen to me for a second? I feel really bad that you're so miserable because of me."

"I – am – not – miserable," Eiri stated. _Although I will be in a few seconds if he doesn't cut this out and let me get my hands on his..._

"Are you telling the truth?" Shuichi questioned skeptically. "All you've ever done over the last several days is complain, and call me an idiot, and..."

Eiri stopped. "Listen, Shuichi," he explained impatiently. "You _live with_ me. Every single _day_ I complain about something and call you an idiot."

"Yeah, but..."

"Okay. Look. Maybe it wasn't much fun for me. Maybe I complained. A lot. So what? I'm still here, aren't I? Are you worried about me leaving you, or something equally monumentally idiotic...? Or what?"

"Uh...uh..." Shuichi searched. "Maybe, something like that?"

Eiri was losing his patience. "I've said it 4,251 times and I'll say it again. You – are – a – _moron_."

"No, it's more like 4,519 times," Shuichi replied.

Eiri regarded this statement in all seriousness. "You've been _counting_...?"

Shuichi laughed and pushed some of Yuki's hair out of his face. "Of course not, _moron_. See, I guess we really are meant to be after all," he laughed.

"So, _now_ are you ready to let me have some 'fun' on this vacation?" Eiri half-whispered, bringing his face nearer.

Shuichi nodded eagerly. Even he regarded his attitude of a moment ago as foolish. How could he pass up love-making with Yuki outside in the moonlight, alone in a foreign land?

Eiri began by softly taking in the slightly salty taste of his lover's smooth face. Shuichi returned the gesture with a firm, wet caress of Eiri's left ear. Eyes closed, they found each other's lips and locked them for several heart-pounding seconds. (Neither of them bothered to count the seconds, of course.)

Without quite paying attention to how or when it happened, Shuichi found himself shirtless, the heat of his lover's embrace causing the grass to suddenly feel rather cool on his backside.

Eiri's shirt was unbuttoned, and Shuichi's foot twitched a bit as his excitement mounted. As suddenly as his shirt had disappeared, his pants somehow managed to work themselves halfway off his butt. (_He gets sneakier every time..._Shuichi thought fleetingly.)

Yuki no longer restricted his touches to his boyfriend's face and torso.

Shuichi issued a short "squeak" that fell into a satisfied coo-ish moan. He half-opened his eyes and stared into the fuzzy, silent moon above his head. _Yuki won't leave me. This feels too good to be tr--_ All thoughts escaped his head except for a vague comparison of not just his spine, but his entire body, to Jell-O.

Yuki, busy at the moment, could not have spoken even if he'd been having coherent thoughts. After that, it was his turn...working toward it gently, feeling himself inside, it was sensational, it was complete...for now...

The moonlight faded in both pairs of eyes as they shut themselves to the world. Both men fell beside each other, breathing, on the soft grass. A moment later, they caught each others' tired gazes, but the two of them knew that their excitement was far from over for the night...

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A ray of light, soft but quite stronger than a moonbeam, danced across the young man's sleeping face and pried itself playfully into his sleeping eyes. He opened them reluctantly. He felt like he had a slight hangover, although he hadn't been drinking last night...he tried to remember...

Shuichi glanced down at his half-naked self and at the lightly snoring man beside him. He grinned broadly. No longer was he reluctant to wake up; a childish thrill shot through him as he realized that he was at this very moment about to glimpse a sunrise of unparalleled magnificence.

Gleefully, he shook Yuki. "Hey, wake up, Yuki," he whispered. "Hey hey heeeeey..." He tried to keep his voice down in order to be gentle (Yuki hated being woken up), but his excitement was uncontainable. Precious seconds were being wasted. "Yuki!" he practically shouted. "Yuuu-kiiii!"

Yuki's eyes shot blearily open. "What—the—fu—" he hissed, but Shuichi shushed him and pointed at the sun as if it would refuse to rise without the cooperation of the two of them keeping silent. Eiri still mumbled to himself as he sat up.

Shuichi inched closer on the grass and worked himself into the crook of Yuki's arm. He snuggled and watched the angelic orb cast pale yellow and pink light across the horizon. "It's our light, Yuki," he breathed sappily. "All for us. I want it in a jar like a firefly." He grinned stupidly, but for once it was on purpose, as he knew very well that a jar can't keep sunlight...(_And besides, fireflies die if they're kept in a jar..._)

Eiri ignored the attempts to be cute. He scratched his ear and squinted ahead, although it was hard to determine whether he was looking at the sunrise or simply staring into space. "Your fly's open," he said off-handedly.

Shuichi turned to glare at him, mouth open indignantly. "What's the difference, you always see anyway...!" Nevertheless, he pulled on his pants properly in a huff.

"Stupid," Eiri enunciated with some affection as he smacked Shuichi lightly upside the head.

Shuichi crossed his arms.

Eiri wrapped his strong arms about Shuichi from behind. Shuichi allowed himself to be awkwardly pulled onto his lap. "You see that," Eiri began, head on Shuichi's right shoulder and speaking into his ear as if to a child. He pointed toward the sunrise, which was steadily growing brighter. "That is called, 'The earth turning enough so that the sun is visible just a bit.'" There was no detectable anger or malicious sarcasm in Yuki's voice, and so Shuichi, extremely glad for this fact, played along.

"Is it..." he nodded, following.

Eiri had expected even his gentlest sarcasm to invite a barrage of whiny objections. "Uh...yes," he replied lamely.

"So if the earth stops right now," Shuichi postulated, "We can watch the sunrise forever?" He tilted his head back and questioningly glanced at Yuki upside-down.

"What are you talking about...idiot..."

Shuichi turned his whole body around and smooched Yuki deeply. It lasted at least half a minute. When he turned back around to check, the sun had not stopped, but had risen even noticeably higher. "Damn."

Yuki rolled his eyes. "Only an idiot like you would take such a cliché so literally," he commented. But still there was no sign of hostility in his insults.

Shuichi assumed no hostility either, and indeed poured all his heart into a gigantic squeeze-hug. (_Americans might call this a 'bear hug,'_ Shuichi giggled. He snuggled his would-be attacker of the previous night.)

"Yuki, this is _all_ I ever wanted," he said, now blissfully on the receiving end of a hug he'd managed to work out of his stubborn man.

"...What?"

"Just for us to be like this," Shuichi explained, still with a sappy warmth in his voice and glitters in his lavender eyes.

"For god's sake, if all you wanted was a hug, you could have _told_ me so and we wouldn't have had to travel halfway across the fucking globe..." Eiri muttered.

Shuichi placed a hand on Eiri's lips for silence. "You're ruining my moment," he said squarely.

Eiri said nothing more. He supposed there was no harm in letting the poor, deluded boy have his special "moment." He squeezed a bit tighter. The sudden warmth he felt was definitely attributed to the harsher rays from the nearly-risen sun. Though that didn't explain why it issued from his chest most strongly...

_No sense in being stubborn_, he tried to remind himself. _If I can just enjoy this moment...I won't go back home emptyhanded. This trip doesn't have to be a complete waste of my time..._

Forcing himself to enjoy something had never been this much fun, as he discovered when his little lover caught him squarely on the mouth and initiated a passionate make-out session in the glittering birth of the coming day.

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	16. A View of the Sky

The Off Track

By Aoi Umi

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A/N: Well, here we are. It had to end sometime, whether in this century or the next. (Ha, ha.) Seriously, college keeps me quite busy and I can't promise anything anymore. But this story needed an ending, and so, here it is.

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Chapter 16: "A View of the Sky"

"Eeyaah, what are you doing, packing that stuff away!" Shuichi panicked. He flailed his arms at the sight of his boyfriend piling all of their miscellaneous, unused camping junk into the car.

"Ding ding, you are correct. That is what I'm doing," Eiri replied in a monotone.

"But, but but, I mean...whyyy?"

"You want to leave it all here? Fine, I don't really want it anyway..."

"No!" Shuichi ran up and clung desperately to his lover's arm. "It's staying here, and _we're_ staying here!" he declared firmly.

Eiri's mouth twitched. "Heh, heh...no. Twenty-four hours, and that was the deal. Could you move that stuff over so I can shove the stupid lawn chairs in next to it..." he muttered vaguely.

Shuichi somehow worked his way in front of Yuki and occupied the trunk space himself. He simply sat there and stared stubbornly.

Eiri stared back. "Look, after getting lost twelve and a half times on the way back, I _don't_ need this right now." His eyes flashed.

Shuichi showed no intention of budging.

"_What?_ We slept outside, beneath the stars and yadda yadda yadda, all that shit. I even helped make it more 'memorable' for you. What else do you want?" he questioned, exasperated.

Shuichi's eyes lost all their defiantness and instead welled up with tears. "Oh Yuki, I thought it was so romantic...and you were just...just..."

Eiri stared intently at the face he had tasted every inch of only earlier that morning. He didn't know whether to pity Shuichi, pity himself, shut Shuichi in the trunk and drive off...or actually soften up a little toward the guy...

"Okay, fine," he sighed and paused. At long length, he opened his mouth again. "It...was enjoyable." Eiri looked away. He also looked like he had a bad taste in his mouth. Admitting something like that was just too...

"And honestly, Yuki, I—huh?" Shuichi lifted his head. His face appeared ready to melt right off. "Aww, you're just so cute..." He sat up on his knees and gave Yuki a hug.

"Don't talk to me like that..." Eiri mumbled, but gave in to the hug. He seized Shuichi, lifted him out of the trunk, and placed him standing upright on the ground.

"So what do you say? Haaaah?" Shuichi nuzzled against his lover childishly. "I only wanna stay just one more night, so we can have a campfire and stuff, like camping is supposed to be...please?"

Eiri stared at him. "You act like _such_ a spoiled brat," he commented sourly.

"But you said you enjoyed last night...we can do that part again..." Shuichi whined persuasively.

"Nyuu..."

The pair of them turned their heads. The nearly-forgotten kitten was making a dangerous attempt to crawl out the car window.

Eiri darted for the window and reached it just in time. The baby animal fell with a small plop into his hands.

"Ohh, I bet he's hungry," Shuichi cooed.

"And what are we going to do with this thing?" Eiri eyed the squirming kitten.

"...Feed it?" Shuichi ventured bluntly.

"I mean in the long run, stupid." Eiri set it on the ground.

Shuichi beamed as he introduced the kitten to a fresh tin of Spam. "Well duh, we're keeping him." He stroked the kitten's back while it ate. "He sure likes this stuff. I'm naming him SPAMU."

"What an idiotic name..." Eiri muttered as he nicked his lighter from Shuichi's back pocket and flicked it several times. "Sounds like some kind of trained whale..." He was relieved when the lighter finally produced a small flame. He lit a cigarette and took a long drag.

Shuichi, after waiting several tentative seconds, smiled to himself. No further protests clearly indicated that keeping the kitten was okay with Yuki. _I bet he **wants **__to keep it, even. Yuki likes cats,_ he giggled.

"Myuu..."

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A horrid realization fell like a lead weight upon Eiri Yuki. It was true that he had brought his computer along with every intention of completing the next three chapters of his manuscript. It was true that he had attempted, at least a couple of times, to work toward achieving this goal. But he hadn't counted on the fact that so many..._insipidly_ distracting things would occur.

He glanced toward the man whom he automatically blamed. But there was that trouble-maker, that maddeningly idiotic problem magnet...sitting cross-legged on the ground and playing quite innocently with a fluffy kitty cat.

Eiri turned away, in denial of the ever-so-slight blush rising to his cheeks. Frustrated, he jerked open the car door, fished out his laptop, and sat.

It wasn't long before a magenta mop of hair slowly appeared and a curious pair of violet eyes peeked into the window. "Heey, Yuki, what are you doing?"

"Writing. Go away."

"Eh? Writing, now?"

"Yes, now."

Shuichi considered the terseness in Yuki's voice. It probably meant that he was serious about the "go away" bit. He decided nonetheless to chance a squeaky, "Why?"

"Because if I don't finish this shit by..." he glanced at his analog watch purely for effect, "...the time we get back, there might be bloodshed."

Shuichi frowned. He opened his mouth to say something, but Eiri cut him off. "And just _whose_ blood might be shed, I haven't said," he added with a tone of finality.

Shuichi sighed and shuffled sulkily back over to the kitten. "It looks like we're staying, Spamu-chan." He stroked its back idly. "It's not gonna be any fun though..."

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Eiri sighed and leaned against the back of the seat. He stared at the ceiling of the car. One of the most uninteresting ceilings imaginable, actually. Things were not going well. In his opinion, this story was not only stupid, but fundamentally lacking anything that would make it remotely interesting.

"_Interesting?" Hmph, you want "interesting"? _He thought back to the events of the past several nightmarish days. _It's like some kind of tragic comedy. A really bad one that no one would want to have to read. How many stupid things can happen to one person before he goes completely insane...?_

An absurd idea tugged at the back of Eiri Yuki's brain. A really stupid, but nonetheless nagging idea. Reading over the crap he had already written, he realized how awful it was and he forcefully closed the document window. After opening another one, he began to type something completely new.

He typed furiously, staring purposefully at the screen and striking the keys with the force of all the ridiculous frustrations he'd felt over the course of his past several days in this absolutely ludicrous nightmare. He stopped for nothing, and even as the sun hung low in the sky and his boyfriend peeked and poked curiously, he paid no mind to his surroundings. Only when his computer beeped a "low battery" warning did he pause. Immediately, with an extra, final force, he typed his finishing sentence and sat back, exhausted.

He saved the document, closed the laptop, and shoved it onto the seat next to him. Slowly he stepped out of the car to a blurry image of an orange dusk. The blood rushing from his head was dizzying. He scarcely had time to rub his eyes before a surprising weight fell from above onto his shoulders and threw him dangerously off balance.

"Yukiiiii! Are you done now? Hey, hey, can we eat and tell scary stories and cuddle by the fire now?"

Eiri stopped. "Have you ever done it in a sleeping bag?" he asked abruptly, looking up.

Shuichi was surprised by this sudden seduction.

"No, of course you haven't..." he answered himself, smirking with the knowledge that he had stolen this boy's virginity, and, subsequently, his complete and utter loyalty.

Shuichi giggled madly and cuddled Yuki's head.

Eiri turned his face upwards and kissed Shuichi gently on the cheek. "Let's try it then, eh?"

Shuichi closed his eyes and felt desire take hold of him. It pushed away his sense of balance in the process, and he began to fall backwards. The shift in weight took Yuki with him, and the pair fell miserably to the hard earth.

By the time they gained their senses, Eiri had worked up a particularly irritated glare, but before he could relay it to the one who had caused his inconvenience, ecstatic laughter filled the air.

"That was funny, Yuki. Lookit the sky! Aren't those clouds awesome? Isn't it cool how you can see the sky so well from down here on the ground?"

Slowly, painfully, Eiri vanished the scowl from his visage and forced himself to laugh a little too.

It really wasn't as bad as he'd thought it would be.

End

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	17. Epilogue

The Off Track: Epilogue

Approximately one month later, Shuichi Shindou stirred beneath a comforter on the couch and awakened to the blare of early-morning talk television. Groggily, he pushed the blanket off of his bare shoulders and scooted closer to his lover, who was sitting on the end of the couch holding the remote control.

"_Some hail this three-chapter-long deviation in the work as a form of cross-genre experimentation, while others speculate about the possible influence on the author of substances either legal or otherwise. It is difficult to deny the uncharacteristic 'oddity' of this segment, an excerpt from which reads as follows..._"

Shuichi became more alert as he absorbed an eerily familiar description of escaped lab mice and their creepy omnipresent ways.

"_And now we offer one literary critic's take: 'Obviously this segment of the novella serves as a hyperbolic metaphor for the origin of the protagonist's underlying insanity. Whether it is to be taken literally or not is debatable..."_

"As long as they're not taking it autobiographically," Eiri muttered with relief and switched off the TV.

Shuichi could no longer suppress his laughter. "Yuki." He pointed to the silent television in disbelief. "You didn't really write that, did you?"

"Did I really do _this_" – he indicated a reddish spot on Shuichi's shoulder blade – "last night?"

"Then I guess," Shuichi giggled, "you think that vacation was worth it after all?" He glanced fondly at a framed copy of "Yuki Trips on a Stick" that he'd placed on the end table.

Eiri just tilted Shuichi's chin away from the photograph and toward his face. "I think," he gave a quick smooch, "that you should've stayed under that bedding if you'd wanted to keep the rest of your body safe."

"C'mooon, Yuki...what does that have to do with what I asked? Stop changing the subject. Does that mean yes? Cuz if it didn't, I'm gonna take it like a yes and you and I are bound to go back again sometime in 5...4...3...2..."

Shuichi didn't finish. He had become rather occupied. It was another typical morning. The closeness of their bodies, the warmth of their breaths...

And a resident four-legged ball of fur to occasionally interrupt.

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A/N: Well, it was fun, eh? Thank you all so much for reading! If you haven't reviewed, please do take the time. Although I seemed demanding in earlier updates, you know it was mostly in fun. ;) But it actually is very interesting to hear what my readers have to say. I would really appreciate it if you could take just a minute. Thanks. :bows:

Peace, love, and let Gravitation forever rock the anime world. :D

Aoi Umi


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